Nearly FMLs

By johnnycena - 19/02/2016 21:07 - United States - New London

Today, my mom sold our van. I got none out of the 3 thousand dollars. I bought her the van. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By CalixQyu - 19/02/2016 21:04 - United States - Arlington

Today, I had to get several stitches in my hand. This happened while I was petting a dog, apparently "Don't, worry he won't bite" doesn't mean what it used to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By justfrofro - 19/02/2016 20:59 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was putting on lotion at school. Apparently it wasn't lotion. It was glue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By spooky - 19/02/2016 20:29 - United States - Denver

Today, I pulled my blanket off of my bed to reveal a lump that turned out to be my grandmother's hundred year old doll, rumored to be haunted. I was home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 20:17 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend's friend taking the dozen roses that my boyfriend gave me the night before. Apparently his friend had bought them for his girl and my drunk boyfriend took them all instead of just one. How romantic, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BleedingEars - 19/02/2016 19:54 - United States - Cortland

Today, my husband and I are driving several states away to visit family. For some God awful reason the radio is emitting a high pitch, nail through the back of the skull, ear piercing frequency. My husband can't hear it and he refuses to believe me or turn off the radio. Only five more hours to go.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 19:47 - United States - Asheville

Today, after moving there weeks ago, my mom told me how proud she was that I had picked up a few hobbies and that my grades have improved. I've made zero friends since moving, and just have trouble filling my days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stinkycat - 19/02/2016 19:41 - France - Serris

Today, after putting posters up all over for the little kitten I'd found, her supposed owner called. I was just going to ask him to give me some kind of info that would prove it was his cat, but then he said "We missed her sooo much, even if she farts all the time". Yep it's definitely your cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 19:38 - United States - Fernley

Today, after separating from the navy I found out my fiancé, who is also in the navy was cheating on me while we were both deployed... on the same ship. fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ideserve54321 - 19/02/2016 19:27 - United States - Chandler

Today, after a few days of texting a tinder girl she decided to come see me at my job. I walked up to her and, trying to be cute, I said "may I help you find something?" She looked me up in town, in horror, and immediately fleed the scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stitch15 - 19/02/2016 19:17 - United States - Lufkin

Today, at work, I apparently ripped my pants without my knowledge..until an older lady said I have nice boxers and the continuous laughter of my coworkers as they walked by me...fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 19/02/2016 19:02 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend of 6 years with some lingerie, when he came over he looked at me and said "Wish you would've told me this was what you had planned, I did it before I came over so we'll have to wait" Great surprise. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Tamandua - 19/02/2016 18:54 - United States - Salem

Today, at the doctor, my wife was scratching at her pants in between her thighs. When I asked her what she was doing she only responded with, "My balls...". It turns out her pants were wearing out and the fabric had balled up, but the doctor who walked in right then did not know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 18:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in my driveway for my ex-wife, to drop our son off from soccer practice. She pulled into the driveway and intentionally hit me with her vehicle. When I asked her why she had hit me she stated "You should have moved out of my way! "

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By hummelbyhummel - 19/02/2016 18:50 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. When she pulled down my boxers she laughed and said "maybe we'll just stick to oral for now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By holly_lynnn124 - 19/02/2016 18:45 - United States - Marinette

Today, I was at church and this little boy who was 8 years old came up to me and said, "From the way you act it seems like you're dead inside." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aniimesushii - 19/02/2016 18:42 - United States - Green Cove Springs

Today, while helping my sister in law baby sit her two kids and her two nieces (all under five years old) one of the youngest climbed in my lap, laughed maniacally, and shat through her diaper all over my pants. I don't have a spare.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By A hungry idiot - 19/02/2016 18:30 - United States

Today, someone tried to hand me $20, thinking he was messing with me, I rejected it rudely. It wasn't until I sat down that I realized that he was trying to give me back the $20 that I reserved for lunch that fell out of my pocket.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By babygirlllllll - 19/02/2016 18:30 - Canada - Langley

Today, Im babysittin for the weekend, The kids managed to lock me outside and wont stop throwing eggs, toilet paper and assorted rock-like items at me from the windows above. Im hiding behind a car for cover waiting for the parents to come home in the middle of a storm with egg yolks in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By UnluckyPenguin - 19/02/2016 18:25 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today in chapel, my laptop performed a random system test, and began beeping and screeching loudly. I had to walk down the centre aisle from the very front while the chaplain glared at me and all of campus laughed at me. People are calling me "laptop boy." This is my legacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By welldarnit - 19/02/2016 18:24 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I am on a 6 day trip round Western Europe that I've paid £630 for. I just got a rash, I don't know what from and nothing is helping it and if I get a cut it won't heal. I look like red Dalmatian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Balphleair - 19/02/2016 18:11 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I woke up at 6 to go to school. I went to the bathroom and fell asleep on the toilet seat then crawled unconsciously back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Lovemylife - 19/02/2016 17:56 - United States - Canaan

My girlfriend of 4 years decided on our anniversary (that I spent a ton of time and money prepping to be perfect) that she is going to wait until marriage until we have sex. We aren't married because she keeps changing the date and we have a child together... Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By College_Grad - 19/02/2016 17:55

Today, 30 minutes into a 6 hours drive from seeing my husband, I had to turn back around due to a snow storm. I called my husband to tell him that he would get one more day. When I arrived, he expressed his disappointment because he was going to sleep over a friend's room. A female friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 17:52 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I look like Honey Boo-Boo's mom. I had my wisdom teeth out a few day's ago and the swelling should have gone down by now. My cheeks are so fat that I can barely talk, and I can't smile. I have an audition for a job in a few hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ellendyra - 19/02/2016 17:48 - United States - Auburn

Today, is the day I learned to hate my future Mother-In-Law. During a rough patch my fiancé moved back home. He drove me home, fell asleep in the car and I couldn't wake him up. I called his parents to let them know. Now she insists that I drugged him and has told everyone since that I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By College_Grad - 19/02/2016 17:48

Today, my husband asked me to crack his back. He laid on the floor, and I bent over over him to press on his back. After repeatedly saying to go lower down his spine, just as my face was over his butt, he farted. My husband is a child. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AJXDGaming - 19/02/2016 17:42 - United States

Today, I hurt my elbow and dislocated my shoulder, all because my brother thought it would be funny to throw his pet tarantula at me while I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 17:41 - United States

Today, a girl I hooked up with called me and asked if giving me a handjob could get her pregnant. I know that it can't but my anxiety disorder won't let me relax. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By GnattyHair - 19/02/2016 17:35 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I was brushing my hair when I got distracted by the sound of my dog puking. After cleaning up, I realized I was running late for work. I left the house in a rush, only to discover once at work only half my hair was brushed still. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my grown-ass son is refusing to get out of bed because some anime shark girl he watches is quitting YouTube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 111

Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 545

You deserved it 2 219

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him, because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 206

You deserved it 5 667

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 3 158

Today, with a nagging feeling about my girlfriend cheating on me, I decided to look through her phone. She walked in on me, and before I could come up with an excuse, she rolled her eyes and said, "Go ahead. The only things I have to hide are saucy pics of Darth Maul." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 750

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 998

You deserved it 5 668