Nearly FMLs

By TheSaiyanQueen - 20/02/2016 09:21 - United States - Charles City

Today, my husband had a boner so I suggested that we take care of it...he turned me down. Why? Because it takes too much effort. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By KyoshiroT - 20/02/2016 09:18 - Canada - Moose Jaw

Today, i received a phone call to pick up my mom from the hospital. Drove there, got her and went back home, only to find the house window smashed. This all happened under 5 minutes. I'm now missing money, glasses, consoles. Police aren't willing to start a investigation either, just insurance. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MrKingston14 - 20/02/2016 08:56 - United States

Today, my gf and I were walking and she mentioned that all the little pine cone seed type things looked like maggots and I reached down and picked one up. It turned out to be a real maggot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By KBear3109 - 20/02/2016 08:38 - United States - Plattsburgh

Today, after a year of stopping caffeine due to chronic migraines, I was talking with my husband about whether I'd be safe to try a new latte at a popular coffee shop. Apparently, I'm so sensitive to caffeine, I can't even talk about ingesting it because not even an hour later I got a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By TheKingOfHearts - 20/02/2016 08:34 - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I was called up to take a reckless man back to the station. After giving him the standard pat down procedure, I felt an object near his leg, and rubbed it several times in confusion to ensure it wasn't a weapon, only to find out that it was his penis...

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By Thumb of the Mummy - 20/02/2016 08:24 - United States - Lake City

Today, I woke to the sensation of the top third of one of my nails tearing mostly off. Not only did it bleed enough I had to put pressure on it for twenty minutes, but I had to painfully pull the nail-and the skin stuck to it-the rest of the way off. This happens way more often than it should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Foxrally - 20/02/2016 08:15 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Went to watch Deadpool with my friend, turned out he third wheeled the shit out of me when he brought his gf. After the movie I told this to my mom and she said "Aww, and you only brought your hands". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By too annoy doctors. - 20/02/2016 08:14 - United States - Denver

Today, I finally was able to see my specialist Doctor for my illness. I had been having pain all over my body and terrible fatigue, missing many days of school. Hoping he would be able to help, he decided it was just another symptom and to go back to school where I can barely stand up on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stupidhead - 20/02/2016 08:12 - Germany - Frankfurt Am Main

Today, my husband told me I hadn't the mental capacity to understand his political views. I have a university degree and work in medicine. He's 34 without any qualification. He's now pissed because I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By FromTheShadows - 20/02/2016 08:08 - United States - Madisonville

Today, I got written up at work for answering the phone "unprofessionally." All I did was talk too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By michelle - 20/02/2016 07:40 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, someone pointed a gun at me in the drive thru of where I worked. The lady behind me had already seen them with it in their car and called the cops. The manager on duty couldn't careless and started yelling at me to get back to work when I was filling out the police reports FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By I am the Midget - 20/02/2016 06:54 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I learned how small I truly am. When I couldn't reach the bottom shelf to get my cup. My sister's friend had to get it. He dropped the cup and it hit me right between my eyes. Now I am bruised. At least the cup was plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By JorPetra - 20/02/2016 06:23 - United States - Foster

Today, walking with my friend out of a store. A shady stranger who thinks my friend is a prostitute asks, "How much can I get out of her for $100?" She is only 16. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By the_antisocial_freak - 20/02/2016 06:10 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my twin sister (who is more popular, prettier, and more sociable than I am. Had friends over. Two boys one girl. I had to awkwardly watch "Lilo and Stitch" while behind me; my sister was sucking faces with boy 1. And her friend was receiving a hickey from boy 2. I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 05:44 - United States - Allen

Today, after having countless problems, tests, surgery, and therapy with my shoulders, my doctor referred me to another doctor because he didn't know how to help me anymore. He is sending me to a doctor who specializes in the spine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By darkangel7410 - 20/02/2016 05:42 - United States - Gilmer

Today, I was told by a girl that she wanted to date me. Problem is we met 3 weeks ago and when talking to her for the first time she asked why i was single. I told her it was because most of the girls I've dated are too clingy. She messages me several times a day saying she misses me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tryingtocare - 20/02/2016 05:38 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I realized that sleeping with my boss doesn't help get promoted any faster, it only makes your coworkers hate you and everyone above him question his motives. Now the girl I trained is being promoted to a desk job while I'm stuck doing manual labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By vicious_fashion - 20/02/2016 05:30 - United States

Today, I found out I have bronchitis in addition to bruised ribs. My ribs are bruised from excessive coughing due to bronchitis. The medication to treat my bronchitis gives me a scratchy throat, which makes me cough even more. F ML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By iHeartBoxing - 20/02/2016 05:30 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I went to the dermatologist about a small acne problem. The acid they used on my face burned some of my skin off and left the rest highly irritated...at least I no longer have acne. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aahm1403 - 20/02/2016 05:22 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on my brother sucking his own penis. How? Don't ask me, I was too busy puking. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Pineapple_Salad - 20/02/2016 05:00 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, my overly protective mother let me drive a dirt bike for the first time. I started off too fast and crashed. I broke my collar bone and I have to pay for the ruined bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 04:53 - United States - Carrollton

I've been trying to go out with the same girl for a month. every single time we have a date scheduled, she reschedules and blames it on her dying grandfather. Come to find out from a mutual friend, he's been dead for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LeggoHater - 20/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Ossining

Today, I managed to carry a leggo piece that took me hours to make through security, a five hour long plane ride, and the car ride home only to have it break two feet from my front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ihatefastfood - 20/02/2016 04:40 - United States - Buffalo

Today, during the dinner rush during my shift at McDonald's, a lady came through the drive thru and demanded everything be made fresh. She later called and complained that she waited forever for her food and it was cold by the time she got home. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The teachers assistant - 20/02/2016 04:37 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the teacher I work under told me it was "bullshit" that we had to read to and teach the special needs kids. I have had ADHD and mild autism. I have to listen to her yell at the kids because the principal can't fire her over her connections with the union. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ann2014 - 20/02/2016 04:36 - United States

Today, I found out I'm a crazy annoying bitch of a girlfriend because I don't agree with spending all my tax money on my boyfriend for whatever he wants. I am currently laid off of work and have our child to raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckingmegan - 20/02/2016 04:30 - United States - Cumberland Center

Today, my ex sent me a picture of the tattoo he got. It's of my name. We haven't talked since eighth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 03:56 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out I got waitlisted at my dream school despite having the scores/grades to get in. My brother, on the other hand, who failed a class and scored lower than me on both the ACT/SAT, was not only accepted, but offered a scholarship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MetallicSkeleton - 20/02/2016 03:50 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my sister has done nothing but scream at me because I ate a bag of chips. She said I could have them and that she hated those kind. I even reordered her saying this. She denied it was her voice. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ByeFelicia - 20/02/2016 03:48 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my husband yelled at me again for causing drama in his life. What drama? Me being upset that he told me he needs to take out money from our account to take his girlfriend to a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was driving home from my friend's house and noticed this really cute girl riding her bike. She had an amazing body, beautiful blonde hair, and looked like my kind of girl! About 10 minutes after I got home, my sister pulled up. She had just biked home from the hair salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 281

You deserved it 30 171

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 039

You deserved it 3 317

Today, changing the garbage in the bathroom at work resulted in a hospital visit after an incorrectly disposed used needle scraped into my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 105

You deserved it 225

Today, without realizing it, I just overstepped what is known in business as "The Competence Zone." Now any work that needs to get done properly (AKA all of it) is foisted off onto my overworked ass because I'm the only one who can do the work both competently and quickly. All I did was do the work I was given. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 155

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 459

You deserved it 4 572

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 100

You deserved it 1 544