Nearly FMLs

By Badluckolsen - 20/02/2016 18:31 - United States - Columbia

Today, I was watching a movie in a theatre, when some asshole decides to barge in and yells out 'FIRE', leaving me to run out the emergency exit. After I found out there wasn't really a fire, I wasn't allowed back in for being 'too gullible'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ouch - 20/02/2016 18:24 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, a jerk in my building left an empty box of pizza on the stairs, I slipped on it and broke my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By DizneyFreax - 20/02/2016 17:52 - Sweden - T?by

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my crush out. It turns out he's gay and interested in my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By peach0934 - 20/02/2016 17:42 - United States - Peyton

Today, my mom called me a whore after I called, telling her I am getting married this summer. This is the woman who slept with many men in high school and has had three husbands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 17:31 - United States - Denver

Today, boyfriend wanted to watch a movie I didn't, but I conceded. He spent the whole time on his phone. Halfway through, I went to text someone, and he bitched at me for not wanting to spend any time with him. Whenever I'm on my phone, it's like I'm the worst but his phone? No big. Every. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aliciousness116 - 20/02/2016 17:15 - India - New Delhi

Today, I made a sales call to a customer to renew his magazine subscription, but he decided to rant on about suing me for fraud cause he's not been receiving the monthly issues since 6 months. It's my first day at office and my boss almost fired me cause I was irresponsible 6 months ago. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sammyshat - 20/02/2016 16:56 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend ran out of my room, clutching some boxers and screaming at me. He kept asking who he was, and yelling at me for sleeping with someone else. They're mine, but he keeps calling bullshit. Pretty sure I'm going to be single by tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ratherwet - 20/02/2016 16:28 - United States - Westlake

Today, I took my dog for a walk and then closed the door behind me. I then went upstairs to shower. I returned to a wide open door and a missing dog. I still don't know how it got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By moosemay - 20/02/2016 16:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my wife and her mother were chopping vegetables in the kitched. When I peaked around the corner I saw how my wife held up a carrot and told her mother that it was bigger than my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Vegan_Cannibal - 20/02/2016 16:08 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my boyfriend's mother told him she likes me better than his ex. When I asked why, he quoted her: "She doesn't do things with other girls, like the last one did. She's a decent girl." I'm not only pansexual, but I dated his ex girlfriend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Internal Screaming - 20/02/2016 16:07 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I came home to my 6 year old puppy bloody and near death on my floor. I quickly brought her to the vet, and was advised to put her down. I did, and came home to my dog being all happy to see me home. I would've been glad to see her, had her paws not stained my shirt with fresh blood. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 15:45 - United States - Greenville

Today I heard what sounded like moaning so I went out to the TV room. I don't know what's worse. Seeing your son's dick or the fact that the video had a girl saying "Daddy please wake up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 6MoreMonthsOfWinter - 20/02/2016 15:19 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally had sex with a guy I really liked after a self-imposed dry spell. Afterward, he quoted Barney Stinson, saying 'girls are like gremlins; don't feed them, don't get them wet and don't let them sleep over'. Guess that's my cue to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Ifuckedthefeartu - 20/02/2016 15:02 - United States - Ashburn

Today, just as I was thinking of how sweet and caring my boyfriend is, and how he earlier texted that he wanted to be with me forever. I got a text saying he was breaking up with me, and if i tried to contact him he would block me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Oduls - 20/02/2016 14:55 - India - Mumbai

Today, I was sitting alone at Starbucks when a cute girl came up to me. I had just farted. She noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jeff - 20/02/2016 14:48 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, i ran 2.3 kilometers for 5 hours straight. I noticed everyone looking at me for some reason, but i ignored it. When i reached home, i found out that a chocolate stain strategically on my pants, so it made me looked like i shat in my pants.FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By happy21st - 20/02/2016 14:28 - United States

Today, was my 21st birthday. How did I spend half of it? On the phone with 911 because my father set the backyard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shelly1927 - 20/02/2016 14:26

Today, I have been hopelessly in love with a girl who could never love me back for almost a year. I had just just gotten gotten over her, and I was feeling good about it. Then, she texted me telling me that she finally loved me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AreYaKiddin - 20/02/2016 14:07 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for having too many "complaints" in my file. 2 weeks ago I was written up for dozing off during a meeting (which was total BS.) - she ended that meeting by complimenting me on all the compliments and positive feedback I received in my 4-1/2 years at the company. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By safe driver - 20/02/2016 14:05 - United States - York

Today, I was taking the back road, going 50 in a 45 zone, when the driver behind me decided I wasn't going fast enough. He tailgated me, honked the horn, and swerved back and forth trying to get around me. Finally he just laid on the horn nonstop. This went on for 5 miles until he turned. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Fml - 20/02/2016 14:04 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I had to submit a 10 page research paper at school. I got it done and at 10 PM i could not find it. I panicked and started to rewrite it. When I was done at 12 PM I found out that I was sitting on my paper.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By muuca - 20/02/2016 13:45 - Italy - Acireale

Today, I realized how unattractive I am while my crush was looking at my profile pictures on Facebook. He chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Titus - 20/02/2016 12:30 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I've been trying to get a tattoo of my late wifes favorite poem. I've been to 4 different tattoo artists who designed the template for it. Every single one of them wrote it with at least 2 spelling mistakes. The one I went to yesterday made 4 mistakes in a single sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By nervous - 20/02/2016 11:04 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I went to the bathroom to find a tampon falling out. I finished my period 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By QueenMango - 20/02/2016 10:55 - United States - San Bruno

Today, my mother started to give me a lecture about being a good Christian women whilst getting completely drunk. Then she threw up on my shoes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By queenbee3401 - 20/02/2016 10:27 - Australia - Northmead

Today, I decided stupidly to put a butter knife in my mouth to get the spread off. my top lip now stings from the cuts whenever it touches something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By zsier5 - 20/02/2016 10:18 - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I walked in on my brother tryig to lick his own penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By lexred - 20/02/2016 10:13 - India - Kolkata

Today, I learnt that my girlfriend has an obscene fetish. It involves pooing.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Kristijan - 20/02/2016 10:13 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while going through my moms draw for anti sunburn cream, I instead found vagainal shrinking gel. I need a brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Bolmung1146 - 20/02/2016 09:51 - United States - Fenton

Today, I was at a party when me and a cute girl were hitting it off pretty well. We eagerly learned in for a kiss, but the bill of my hat hit her forehead and pushed her head back against the wall. She got a concussion and a pricey ER bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 902

You deserved it 26 471

Today, having such terrible social anxiety and being terrified of confrontation, I confided in my apartment's maintenance man about my neighbor not picking up her dog’s poop. He assured me he’d handle it. He reported her to the leasing office, and now she and her kids are getting evicted. I feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 293

Today, after falling on my way out the door, hitting a bird with my car, and sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, I remembered I had the day off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 13 747

Today, my roommate gave me a self-help book on alcoholism for my birthday. He's an alcoholic. I gave him that book around 8 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 082

You deserved it 5 216

Today, my sister and I both got "good luck" cards from our aunt wishing us well on our exams. My sister's said "We know you will do well". Mine said "We will love you no matter what happens". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 176

You deserved it 5 097

Today, I saw some of my parents' recent social media posts. They spent the holidays at the five star Radisson Blu hotel on Gran Canaria for a week, while I'm homeless in Moscow, struggling with bad shoes and improper clothes. I don't deserve the FML as I wasn't responsible for what caused my situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 264