Nearly FMLs

By predator76x - 21/02/2016 00:17 - United States

Today, I caught my 14 year old son trying to have sex with out Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anon - 21/02/2016 00:13 - United States - Owasso

Today, my friends came up with a really clever rag on me. They said I look like my assistant principal. The problem is that my assistant principal is a skinny, awkward looking lesbian woman and I am an 18 year old man. The whole school is in on it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 00:07 - United States

Today, at a working interview with a great place I started feeling sick, ended up puking twice, and had to excuse myself. This was my first interview in the relevant field since getting my degree. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bleh... - 20/02/2016 23:56 - United States - Sandwich

Today, after a great time in the city, I was taking the train home. After taking the first train, I needed to switch to another train. This wouldn't have been a problem at all if that particular train hadn't closed without any notice. Now I'm stuck here with no idea what to do or where to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 5sonic - 20/02/2016 23:47 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a loud bang. At the time, I thought nothing of it, and went back to sleep. When I finally did wake up, I went to check my laptop, and the screen was completely shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 23:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I knocked my girlfriend out with a balloon. At her birthday party. Yeah.. I'm still trying to figure out how as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 23:43 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my 15 sister had her friends over and just as i finished jerking off in the bathroom i noticed them peeking and whispering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By queenbee3401 - 20/02/2016 23:38 - Australia

Today, I decided stupidly to put a butter knife in my mouth to get the spread off. my top lip now stings from the cuts whenever it touches something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GoldStarForEffort - 20/02/2016 23:28 - United States - Clyde

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with a bouquet of red roses, a cake, and an expensive dinner reservation for her birthday. She yelled at me and called me pathetic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tooloudcloud - 20/02/2016 23:03 - United States - Burlington

Today, my neighbor has begun to play audio of me and my boyfriend having sex so loudly whenever I'm trying to get work done. I guess this is my payback. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Crackle - 20/02/2016 22:15 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, while eating cashews with my sister, I felt something crack at the side of my mouth. It was my tooth and yes, it hurts like all hell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 21:20 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned I made 2$ over the federal limit to get the earned income tax credit I was really hoping on to fix my broken car, and now owe the IRS 300$. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 21:18 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my landlord offered to let me move into another apartment on site since the roach infestation here is so bad. I'm now moving back into my old apartment since the new one had an even worse roach infestation. I'm allergic to roaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stains - 20/02/2016 21:05 - Canada - Nepean

Today, I got my period a couple weeks earlier than usual. This was a huge shock as I was in the middle of a martial arts class in (what used to be) my all white uniform. All while in front of my coworkers, Sensai and about 20 kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By R.I.Perino hearterino - 20/02/2016 20:44 - United States - Frisco

Today, the same girl who constantly acted paranoid about me leaving her left me for someone she met two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GreyGirl - 20/02/2016 20:39 - United States - Roseville

Today, during sex my boyfriend suggested we bring in my brother for a three way. He didn't understand how it's wrong and keeps suggesting it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sniffles - 20/02/2016 20:19 - United States - Artesia

Today, I was told that my body-wide hives are an allergic reaction to the cortisone in my new nasal allergy spray for seasonal allergies. Apparently, an allergy to cortisone is extremely rare, and I just got lucky. I'm literally allergic to my allergy medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mzclutchie - 20/02/2016 19:56 - United States - Toledo

Today, I decided to get off my ass and start spring cleaning. Halfway through trying to fix the washer, I threw my back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 19:25 - United Kingdom

Today my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because his racist parents blamed me for his dad's heart attack. I've never met even met them because they refused to be in the same room as me. Apparently I'm some kind of witch or a supervillain. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Kay42 - 20/02/2016 19:12 - United States - Abbeville

Today, I was babysitting this little girl for a single dad. I was playing Uno with her when she stared at me and said,"You ARE the picture in my Dad's wallet!" I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. I'm a 16-year-old male.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By am1717 - 20/02/2016 19:08 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he tried to be sexy and push me down on all fours. Instead, he accidentally pushed me off the bed. I fell onto his 2000$ tv, broke it, and managed to scare the cat into pooping on the carpet. Mood 100% ruined. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By curlyq156 - 20/02/2016 19:04 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I have to try and get rid of the skunk smell in my apartment thanks to my dog getting sprayed last night and running around the apartment and rolling on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By poop2long - 20/02/2016 18:57 - United States - Brecksville

Today, my mom came to me concerned. Asking me if I have constipation and wondering why I always spend long periods of time in the bathroom. I'm too embarrassed to tell her that I go in there to be by myself and get away from the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By jacob2580 - 20/02/2016 18:54 - United States - Houston

Today, during an argument my girlfriend told me if I wanted to talk to her I needed to go up to her work and talk in person. I soon showed up at her work where she stared at me in shock, said "I didn't think you'd actually do it" and promptly called security to kick me out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By man dog - 20/02/2016 18:53 - United States - Potomac

Today, i found my 13 year old son naked in the basement. He was trying to have sex with our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By barfinghamster - 20/02/2016 18:52 - United States - Arlington

Today, I found a $5 bill on the ground. Quickly before anyone else saw it, I bent down to pick it up, my phone fell out of my pocket and cracked. I basically just paid $5 to crack my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

By mrverysad - 20/02/2016 18:47 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Last week I was dumped by my girlfriend of almost 6 years via text, saying she didn't love me anymore. She has ignored me until today when she decided to twist the knife and tell me that she was seeing someone else while we were together... A girl. She sent me their messages. I am crushed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mrstealyourfml - 20/02/2016 18:44 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I saw that my FML was published! Not by me, though. but by someone who stole it from me and rewrote it. I guess their version was more interesting than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 18:41 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I'm practicing driving with one parent in the street watching and the other one in the car with me. They keep yelling opposing directions at me and going from "WE'RE GOING TO CANCEL YOUR ROAD TEST." to "Good job, just do it again." I thought they were going to start yelling at each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By welldarnit - 20/02/2016 18:37 - France - Serazereux

Today, I'm 18, on holiday which I worked my ass off to pay for myself, and I just found out that what I thought was an allergic reaction to some pain killers that would go away in a day or two turns out to be chicken pox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 621

You deserved it 8 106

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 385

You deserved it 310

Today, I was crying after having argued with my boyfriend. My mom saw me, she asked, "Why are you crying? Don't you have homework to do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 6 781

Today, my girlfriend changed our cable subscription to include MTV. This made us lose the only channel I care about: HBO. Goodbye Game of Thrones, hello Teen Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 393

You deserved it 1 266

Today, while I was mid-act with my girlfriend, my mom unlocked my bedroom door and came in shaking maracas. She then handed them to my very shocked girlfriend and told her these were the "Busted maracas" and directed her to pass them along accordingly. Well, at least our first time was memorable… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 373

Today, while at work, I had to spend an hour and a half on the phone, listening to an old lady relive her entire day in excruciating detail. We're not allowed to hang up on customers, and she was extremely quick to dismiss all my attempts to steer the call back on topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 019

You deserved it 3 717