Nearly FMLs

By ZG_Rules - 14/03/2018 12:01

Today, I had to write an e-mail to our customers and send it to my boss so he could look it over. As a joke, I put that if they had any questions they were dumb, because I was unsure which return address I had to put in and wrote that my boss had to correct that. He sent it without reading it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 104

By ian s - 14/03/2018 06:07

Today, I followed my girlfriend into her bedroom after showering, saying "lock the door if you want me to go down on you!" As she locked the door I looked up into her roommate's eyes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 21

By "Darijan Saraejah Allen" - 14/03/2018 04:40

Today, I found out a guy who I've been with for 3 years has a 3 year old daughter and he hid her from me. met up with baby momma because he was behind on child support and she's about to take him to court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 9

By ChakatBlackstar - 14/03/2018 04:23

Today, to get her mind off the deer she ran over, my mom asked me to find a movie in the house she hasn't seen. Six of those movies featured people being run over or animals dying. Two featured sex scenes. I thought I finally found a baseball movie to safely share, Bull Durham. I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 7

By whyme - 14/03/2018 03:52

Today, marks 3 weeks of constant morning sickness. However, today was the first day I’ve experienced throwing up and peeing my pants at the same time. Did I mention all right before an anniversary dinner with my husband? FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

By Sama-kins - 14/03/2018 02:21

Today, I returned back to work. I took just one day off. ONE DAY! I come back to my work area trashed and raided by my coworkers and just left there. To make it even better, all my work that had been given to them for Monday was never touched. I just wanted one day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 5

By "Billie Lime" - 13/03/2018 20:37 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend learned that I'll grab & hold stuff when I sleep. So now he gives me bags of chips & other weird things when I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 21

By Lonelyduda - 13/03/2018 21:36

Today, I got a call from the man that could be my potential new boss. He said that the job is mine if I can meet him for an interview in 20 min. It all sounded great except for the fact that I locked myself out of the house with my car keys and wallet inside... the locksmith can come in 1 hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 18

By Lonelyduda - 13/03/2018 20:57

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to his mother's place while they were both working to check the stove and feed the pet cat. I got there, put my keys, phone and wallet on the table, went outside to get the cat's bowl and locked myself out, I've been trying to open the door for 40 min. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 27

By Pulloff - 13/03/2018 19:05

Today, my mom told me that when I was born, she was angry that I wasn't a girl and told the doctor to get me away from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 7

By Chaz - 13/03/2018 17:08 - France - Toulouse

Today, I got pictures taken in a professional studio in Paris as friends suggested because they think I'm good looking and want to help me with my confidence issues. After a few shots, I started to warm up and feel confident until the photographer said, "Chin down, mate. You're not a model!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 8

By Tob - 13/03/2018 16:06

Today, I finally gained the courage to ask the girl that makes my coffee for her number. She kindly obliged. I left my girlfriend of 6 years, only to message this other girl who replied, "Sorry to give you the wrong impression, I am seeing someone at the moment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 240

By It was an accident - 13/03/2018 15:13

Today, I popped a boner in the gym shower. While trying to ignore it and get out of there quickly, I touched it a little too much and I came. All the guys around me saw. I don’t think I can go back there. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 121

By Dweller23 - 13/03/2018 19:57 - Australia - Wentworthville

Today, I was having a peeing competition with my friends. We were seeing who could pee the highest in the cubicle. When I started peeing, the pee did not go high enough and it went on the cubicle wall, bounced off and went all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 194

By Anonymous - 13/03/2018 18:01 - Australia - Coburg

Today, while making out with boyfriend, he pushed me off and started to choke on something. He ended up spitting out my nose ring, which must have come out and gone into his mouth. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 28

By "Emi-lee Nicole" - 13/03/2018 04:47

Today, a friend and I went to Wendy's, and she said she was gonna get us fries. I went to the bathroom and when I came out and saw the fries on the counter I started to eat them. My friend grabbed my arm and said, "That's not ours!" A man rushed over and grabbed the tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 137

By Karan Mehroke - 13/03/2018 14:11 - Australia - Kensington

Today, a company called me in regards to an interview. In a rush, I blurted out "I am busy right now", unsure of who the call was from, before proceeding to hang up the phone. They have not called back, and I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 13/03/2018 03:49

Today, this guy came up to me saying my crush liked me. I got so excited and I said that I loved him. This random guy came up to me. Turns out he had the same name as my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 13/03/2018 00:56

Today, my new boyfriend dislocated his shoulder while making love with me. I don't have a license, so his baby mama had to come pick him up and take him to the hospital. She's 8 months pregnant, and it was 2am. She wouldn't let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 100

By "befuddled455" - 12/03/2018 23:39 - Ireland

Today, my best friend told me that she doesn't care about marriage equality, but "instead" she cares about animals. She knows I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 9

By "Jayanka" - 12/03/2018 22:59 - United Kingdom

Today my 17 year old daughter faked passing out so that she could go to the hospital. She thinks the attention is great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 12/03/2018 22:52

Today, while having lunch, my mom peacefully told me she had put a little bit of peanuts in it. She knows I'm allergic. I'm in the hospital now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 2

By "futhorconde" - 12/03/2018 14:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I had a psychotic breakdown and thought everyone was trying to kill me. My boyfriend took that as me breaking up with him. He's now dating my ex-girlfriend because she understands how "manipulative" I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 20

By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe - 12/03/2018 21:42

Today, my parents decided to leave secret code messages. This wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t using all of our bananas to do so. I can’t eat any of the bananas until I’ve “figured out the banana code.” FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 8

By "BadLuckBeauty92" - 12/03/2018 21:25

Today, I had a coughing fit due to the bronchitis I have. I coughed so hard I shit myself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 12/03/2018 20:05

Today, I checked the weather and it called for flurries of snow so I went to work without a second thought, I just got off work to discover that there are no less than 6 inches of icy snow on the ground. I can't even get out of the parking lot and there's no one I can get a ride from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 12

By Mel - 12/03/2018 17:36

Today, I realized at my new apartment building they finally put lines for parking. I was so excited I started backing up to park in the lines and wasn’t paying attention behind me to the garages. I hit the garage door and they’re now charging me $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 91

By Jon - 12/03/2018 07:54 - United States - Clio

Today, I watched my ex fiance make out with her new bf. It doesn't help that she moved two doors down from me and I have already seen multiple guys come. Some park in front of my place and make out when I have my shades open. We broke up only a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 12/03/2018 04:19

Today, while scrambling to keep up with work when we were down a staff member and correcting other employee mistakes, I got written up for having a late break so someone could have lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 4

By Cripple - 11/03/2018 21:53 - United States

Today, I got kicked out of my parents house because I would not give my brother a can of soda that was locked in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and my coworkers gave me a $75 gift card to a restaurant chain near my house. Later in the evening, I found out the chain of restaurants abruptly closed. All of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 915

You deserved it 196

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 7 721

Today, after another failed relationship, I started thinking about role models for what I could do better next time. After going through every relationship and marriage among my family and friends, I realized that almost all either already ended or are worse than the one I just left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 99

Today, I’ve been unemployed for a year since graduating. I haven’t been able to find a job or feel any joy in my life, and have been stuck at home, completely relying on my parents, but now they’re gonna kick me out. I’ve turned into a complete failure, I can’t even kill myself because I’m not brave enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 194

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 542

You deserved it 1 240

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 187

You deserved it 2 681