ALL FML

That's that me espresso

By Big Clive - 14/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I stayed late at the office to finish work and thought I was alone. I put on my headphones and started singing along to Sabrina Carpenter at full volume while filing paperwork. Halfway through, I turned around to see our cleaning staff staring at me. FML

agreeclassic 138

vote type 1 476

Where am I?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

agreeclassic 16 280

vote type 1 5 038

Excuses, excuses

By Alison - 14/05/2025 15:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I sent an angry email to a client who has been ghosting us for weeks. I ended it with, “Frankly, your lack of communication is unacceptable.” Five minutes later, I got an angry text message, saying, “Hi, I’m currently in the hospital recovering from surgery. I’ll respond as soon as I’m able, so take a Xanax.” FML

agreeclassic 163

vote type 1 659

Security!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, at the park, a woman asked if I could watch her toddler for a second while she ran to the bathroom. Before I could answer, she ran off. Ten minutes later, a police officer approached me because someone reported a "man lurking with a child." I’m a woman. And not the babysitter. FML

agreeclassic 504

vote type 1 75

What are friends for?

By Anastasya - 14/05/2025 03:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I asked my best male friend to help repair my car because it broke down. He responded, “Why don’t you ask the lovely guy you’re dating instead, since obviously he’s better than me?” Apparently he’s still upset I didn’t reciprocate his romantic feelings and chose someone else. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 981

PSA

By ColoredPencil13 - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Baytown

Today, my mom made a Facebook post about me starting my period and for everyone to be nice to me. FML

agreeclassic 56 651

vote type 1 4 945

WTF?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 09:00 - Philippines

Today, with a nagging feeling about my girlfriend cheating on me, I decided to look through her phone. She walked in on me, and before I could come up with an excuse, she rolled her eyes and said, "Go ahead. The only things I have to hide are saucy pics of Darth Maul." FML

agreeclassic 77

vote type 1 744

Odd punishment

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 06:00 - Hong Kong

Today, one of my classmates got bullied and the whole class got to wrote 2000 words about that. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 461

I can't win

By abt2bsingle - 13/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my girlfriend is at work, leaving me with her needy son again. If I don't play with him, he cries and throws a fit. If I don't clean the house, she will cry and throw a fit when she gets home. FML

agreeclassic 386

vote type 1 293

The old you, the new me

By Sad and lonely - 13/05/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, I spent the day with my ex-husband, getting our house ready for market. We've been doing this for weeks, and to my shock, my ex has turned back into the hard-working, handy, patient man I fell in love with. I don't know what to say or do, so I spend every day quietly heartsick with longing. FML

agreeclassic 415

vote type 1 295

Snark

By hahasuckit - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled, "Yeah, right…" in front of everyone. FML

agreeclassic 31 721

vote type 1 5 480

Quiet despair

By Anonymous - 13/05/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I got into an elevator with a really hunky guy. We exchanged polite greetings, then, for some reason, I tried to break the silence by saying, "Nice weather today, huh?" He nodded, but then I awkwardly continued, “Too bad we’re stuck in here.” He gave me a confused look as the doors opened right on cue. FML

agreeclassic 116

vote type 1 468

What's going on here?

By Kelly - 13/05/2025 09:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, I brought my new boyfriend to dinner with my family. Everything was going smoothly until my dad asked him how long we’d been dating. My boyfriend looked at me, then said, "Uh, I think it's been… four months?" I looked horrified and said, "It's been TWO!" Now I’m wondering if we’re dating or just two confused people stuck in a situationship. FML

agreeclassic 132

vote type 1 553

Special interests

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

agreeclassic 30 796

vote type 1 3 664

Treat Yourself Day

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I sent my wife to a 5 hour spa day. She's now upset because she had to wait to get a pedicure, and the house wasn’t clean when she got home. We have a toddler and I was playing with her, running errands, and cooking us a family dinner. She's a stay at home mom. FML

agreeclassic 544

vote type 1 156

Time sensitive

By Landin - 12/05/2025 16:00 - United States - Vernal

Today, my girlfriend left me at 11pm after leading me on for 5 months, all because she lost interest. I wasted so much time, money, and emotions on her, and never received them from her. FML

agreeclassic 376

vote type 1 280

Like a dog

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I started a new workout routine to get fit. After watching a bunch of online videos, I thought I could jump right in. I overdid it on squats and now can’t sit down without grunting like a wounded animal. I’m now having to climb stairs on all fours. FML

agreeclassic 154

vote type 1 489

Sweet relief

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

agreeclassic 14 027

vote type 1 1 697

Messy

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had orientation at T.J. Maxx when I got my period and it was heavier than normal. I bled all over my pants and got so much of it on the chair, I couldn’t hide it. The lady doing my orientation had to get a whole different chair. FML

agreeclassic 571

vote type 1 82

The more you know

By Donald Boyd - 12/05/2025 06:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I went to a niece's birthday party and was very careful with what food I ate, as I have gluten and garlic sensitivity. I left the party with numb lips, so I guess I have a new sensitivity. FML

agreeclassic 456

vote type 1 81

Fly my beauties

By Newny_Newny_Newny - 12/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I spent like $120 on Mother’s Day flowers and a big bundle of balloons for my wife. On the way to the car, the balloons detached from the string and floated away. FML

agreeclassic 456

vote type 1 126

Bad reputation

By thanks, my fellow americans - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

agreeclassic 48 097

vote type 1 13 892

Better deal

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 19:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my crush would rather travel to another country to meet with someone else. FML

agreeclassic 258

vote type 1 326

Hobbit feet

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad has such thick, horn like toenails that when I stepped on one of the cuttings, it actually stabbed into the thinner skin on the underside of my toe and bled like crazy. FML

agreeclassic 450

vote type 1 73

Pest control

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized I’m living with a complete moron. I moved in thinking it was gonna be smooth but nope. Dude thought it was okay to put mothballs INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE to help with roaches. Who the fuck does that? FML

agreeclassic 153

vote type 1 439

Stuck

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 02:00 - China - Shenzhen

Today, I’ve been unemployed for a year since graduating. I haven’t been able to find a job or feel any joy in my life, and have been stuck at home, completely relying on my parents, but now they’re gonna kick me out. I’ve turned into a complete failure, I can’t even kill myself because I’m not brave enough. FML

agreeclassic 509

vote type 1 194

Opportunist

By Mick - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

agreeclassic 865 444

vote type 1 95 093

So much winning, Sir!

By FUCK TRUMP - 11/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, thanks to that goddamn Trump, my business is going under. All the guys I count on to do jobs have dipped, and hiring new ones will force me to hike my prices through the roof. I'm going to have to cancel three contracts and might get sued. FML

agreeclassic 425

vote type 1 613

Praise the Lord

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, at 7am on a Saturday, my next door neighbor set up a preacher guy with a mic and large speaker. It's 2pm, and I can still hear him screaming about Jesus through my foam insulated walls and $300 noise canceling headphones. I can't sleep, and I'm injured so I can't leave home. That's my Shabbat ruined! FML

agreeclassic 491

vote type 1 127

Pretend I'm not here

By Bad bridesmaid - 11/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. During the ceremony, I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to stifle it, but when I sneezed, my bouquet flew out of my hands and into the groom’s face. It knocked his glasses off, and everyone was silent until the groom finally said, “Are you implying you oppose our marriage?” FML

agreeclassic 438

vote type 1 114

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

agreeclassic 1 152

vote type 1 177

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

agreeclassic 26 227

vote type 1 2 870

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

agreeclassic 1 101

vote type 1 164

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

agreeclassic 66 526

vote type 1 5 145

Today, I hate my life. I'm too smart, too dumb. I'm 5 year single after a horrific marriage and I can't seem to make any ground since. No one likes me. I can't find a job. I wish I would have died in the numerous car wrecks I've been in. This life has been too hard and I fucking hate it. FML

agreeclassic 390

vote type 1 124

Today I discovered the source of the foul smell in my garage. My freezer shit the bed with 50 pounds of meat in it. FML

agreeclassic 6 074

vote type 1 675