ALL FML

Technically Spanish

By LeChameauTrisomique - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Saint-germain-de-la-grange

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I started to panic. My teacher suggested that I should say whatever popped into my head. I blurted out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

agreeclassic 45 194

vote type 1 9 171

Modern anxieties

By Cam - 26/10/2022 06:00

Today, one of my best friends got over 6k followers on Instagram in less than 2 months. I've had my account almost two years and can't get over 500. I'm the one that taught her all the "cheats" to get into the algorithm. They worked for her but not for me. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 909

Crushed

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Saint Ives

Today, I appreciated how much my older sister is engaged and fully appreciative of how wonderful my girlfriend is… until my girlfriend told me that she has a huge crush on my sister. FML

agreeclassic 891

vote type 1 134

Teacher's pet

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 20:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, I managed to lose my engagement ring, and damage my car. But that was a cakewalk from what happened later, when a teen student tried to set fire to the classroom. FML

agreeclassic 851

vote type 1 122

Great relationship you got there…

By anon - 26/10/2022 00:00

Today, I had to blast music, turn the lights on, and physically drag my 29 year-old girlfriend out of bed to wake her up. All the while, she verbally abused me. This is the only way to wake her up, and if I don't do it, she will sleep through the day and then scream at me. FML

agreeclassic 1 185

vote type 1 521

Sucks for grandma too

By What about granny - 25/10/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, my mom made the (not) very wise decision to once again inform me that my grandma is in rapidly declining health, and as a result she is not long for this world. My brain took this as an opportunity to push my anxiety into overdrive. I can't stop thinking about what will happen when my grandma dies. FML

agreeclassic 835

vote type 1 265

Dutch courage

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going to propose. Since he was really nervous, he decided to have a couple of drinks to loosen up. He ended up throwing up and passing out before he could get down on one knee. FML

agreeclassic 57 830

vote type 1 5 030

JCS Inspired

By Britters - 25/10/2022 18:00

Today, my true crime addiction is so bad, when I read an FML about someone's dissociative personality disorder, I immediately thought they were lying and just preparing a good 'not guilty' defense because they planned to murder someone. FML

agreeclassic 251

vote type 1 797

Casual homophobia

By GuyWhoCameOutFinally - 25/10/2022 16:00 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, I came out to my parents and siblings as gay. They were very accepting and asked me why I waited until I was 25 to do so. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was their own homophobic remarks that kept me closeted since I realized it at 14, and that a previous coming-out to a parent was dismissed as 'a phase'. FML

agreeclassic 1 101

vote type 1 277

Flip your wig

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 18:00 - Philippines

Today, my father verbally abused me for visiting my sick maternal grandfather, saying I lack common sense and intellect. He was angry that my cousin, who was the driver for the day, had her time wasted, despite the fact that my cousin planned to be with me the whole day. FML

agreeclassic 832

vote type 1 108

Things hate me

By WaychulMonster - 25/10/2022 10:00

Today, while trying to relax because I'm sick and I feel like crap, the shower head attachment fell and hit me on the head. FML

agreeclassic 862

vote type 1 109

HELP! HEEEELP! DON'T JUST STAND THERE!

By RhuLynette - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to get locked inside a caravan toilet. My relatives heard me having a panic attack and instead of unlocking the door, they called the neighbours over to enjoy my anguish and embarrassment. FML

agreeclassic 27 400

vote type 1 3 131

Unfair failing

By Mistakes were made - 24/10/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, while I was taking a test in class, there was a question that had everyone stumped. After what seemed like forever, the teacher finally noticed and said he'd typed the question wrong. I spent more than half the time I had to complete the test on a question that wasn't even written correctly. Yes, I failed. FML

agreeclassic 893

vote type 1 459

Old age problems

By Xenon - 24/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, after I retired November 2021, broke my left leg in February 2022, was able to walk unaided around the end of July, broke my left hip in August 2022, physical therapy is now starting. Today. Happy retirement! FML.

agreeclassic 950

vote type 1 118

Lonely

By Anonymous - 25/10/2022 01:00 - Nigeria

Today, I went to a party with 5 of my friends. Within five minutes, they'd all paired up and gone. Then it was just me, drinking my pain away. FML

agreeclassic 867

vote type 1 139

Modern concepts

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 17:00 - United States - Menomonie

Today, my college roommate is a Studio Art major. For a project, she brought home a pig's intestine to keep in our tiny dorm room freezer. FML

agreeclassic 819

vote type 1 105

Highlight of the wedding

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 22:00

Today, despite his promise not to, my dad got completely shitfaced at my wedding reception. When we found him, he was passed out on the toilet with his pants down, penis out, and he’d shit all over himself, the toilet, and the floor. I thought I could trust him just this once, but now he’s dead to me. FML

agreeclassic 1 528

vote type 1 201

Bad boy!

By sore - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Ireland

Today, my friend and I were bouncing around on a trampoline. We brought my dog up to bounce him around. We found it hilarious. He didn't. He attacked us. FML

agreeclassic 10 600

vote type 1 83 751

Spice up your sound

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 18:00

Today, I was at lunch in a Mexican place and my earbud started to slip from my ear. No big deal, I moved my hand to catch it. Catch it in the open tortilla I just spread guacamole and sour cream on. FML

agreeclassic 339

vote type 1 742

Unlucky in love

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 10:00 - United States - Martinsburg

Today, it was supposed to be my first date with a girl I've been speaking to for three months. Last night, she revealed that she's still married, that her husband is "not so bad", and then confessed it all to him and blocked me. It was gonna be my first date in six years, after the last one stalked me across the country. FML

agreeclassic 1 133

vote type 1 165

Needy furbaby

By Trained and Conditioned - 24/10/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, my cat locked herself in the bathroom and screamed until she was let out, for what seems like the millionth time this week. It took me a while to realize she's doing it on purpose for attention. She is loved and cared for; I've never neglected her. Apparently, it's still not enough. FML

agreeclassic 772

vote type 1 205

Take the W

By are you fucking kidding - 24/10/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got back from a holiday. I've been suffering from debilitating muscle spasms in my back for over a year, causing migraines and immobility. After all the physical therapy, drugs, and tests, it seems it was caused simply by my mattress. A week of sleeping in the hotel bed completely alleviated it. FML

agreeclassic 944

vote type 1 171

Anyone fancy a pint?

By Apolline - 24/10/2022 10:00 - France

Today, it's my birthday. It's also the day of my grandmother's funeral. I spent most of my 21st birthday in a cemetery. FML

agreeclassic 946

vote type 1 141

Self-soothing

By FingerBang - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

agreeclassic 13 298

vote type 1 34 723

Gammon

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 06:00

Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML

agreeclassic 319

vote type 1 969

When nature calls…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML

agreeclassic 932

vote type 1 190

Family Guy

By Shocked - 24/10/2022 02:00

Today, I came home from work and the first thing I saw was the cops taking my stepfather away. My brother came out, crying and bruised. My stepfather beat him up after he demanded my brother to "get over pops's death and say that I'm your father now." Needless to say, my brother refused. He's 16. FML

agreeclassic 1 366

vote type 1 96

The Reid technique

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 00:00

Today, I asked my girlfriend if maybe she wanted to actually leave the house for date night. All I got was, “Why? We have takeaway menus.” When I insisted we leave the house for once, she got suspicious, like I was trying to hide something bad. She’s not talking to me until I admit what I did. FML

agreeclassic 1 063

vote type 1 146

Snitch

By Sam - 23/10/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend trusted me enough to tell me that she's trans. I have no problem with this, the problem is my sister overheard her. She ran and told our parents, who are also our landlords, so now either I dump the woman I love or we'll both be homeless. FML

agreeclassic 1 184

vote type 1 327

Timing matters

By efff my life. - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

agreeclassic 74 153

vote type 1 4 428

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

agreeclassic 45 612

vote type 1 4 278

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

agreeclassic 56 943

vote type 1 7 080

Today, I'm confused. My incredibly hot coworkers thought I was repulsive for the past two years, but now that they've heard through the grapevine that I'm in a serious relationship, they won't leave me alone. I can't get through the day without being hit on. I hate it. FML

agreeclassic 1 031

vote type 1 172

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

agreeclassic 37 876

vote type 1 8 384

Today, 5 years after the fact, I finally realized how dense I am for not understanding that when she undresses in front of you and poses naked, she isn't expecting you to be a gentleman and turn around and leave the room. It's haunting me. FML

agreeclassic 1 876

vote type 1 3 396

Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML

agreeclassic 2 312

vote type 1 214