All the FMLs

It's not for everyone

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 02:00

Today, it's our 30 year 'no-wedding' anniversary, as in 30 years since she refused to marry me. I mean, we’ve only been together 30 years, have 4 adult children, 6 grandchildren, a house we jointly own, and a retirement villa waiting for us in Tuscany, and yet she doesn’t want to marry me, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 846

Lock him up!

By ffs - 15/10/2022 00:00

Today, my five-year-old son threatened to kill another kid at school. I told the teacher I would have a talk with my son about how that’s not okay. The teacher replied that I’d better call the cops in case he “follows through.” Did I mention the kid is five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 237

What is happening to me?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 22:00

Today, my son was up at 3:00 am crying due to excruciatingly severe pain in his groin. I took him to the ER. After nine hours consisting of two different hospitals, an ambulance ride, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, and possible appendicitis, the surgeon finally said he was just constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 143

The judge has made his ruling

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - London

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 4 508

Weird request

By EpicOracle - 14/10/2022 18:00

Today, after being apart for three months, my fiancée said the only way she'll take me back is if I send her some of the pictures we took on our first date. I deleted everything when I thought we'd never work out again, so it probably might not work out again, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 467

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Huddersfield

Today, I’m pregnant and have been experiencing the most severe depression of all my life. My long-time therapist asked me to think about whether “this is the right time for me to be in therapy,” then dropped me as a client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 146

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 171

Young at heart

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 12:00

Today, I found out when meeting her that my uncle has a girlfriend who is half his age. She's worse than a toddler; she started begging and crying for chocolate in the middle of a car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 88

Promising

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 10:00

Today, my wife of 12 years told me she would be more peaceful if I just killed myself. I argued that I’m not going to, but she assured me that I would. It’s just ‘when’ that’s in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 123

Gang violence

By fattysonparade - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 7 118

I've had even enough

By nobabies - 14/10/2022 06:00

Today, I started my period. Unfortunately, my last period only ended six days ago. PCOS sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 104

Mad bastards

By oof - 13/10/2022 21:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my cats decided to start sprinting back and forth across the house while I was holding a cup of coffee. They both ran into each of my legs in unison, sending me crashing down on top of them. I also hit my head on the corner of a shelf and spilled coffee all over my neck, in addition to breaking the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 198

Melting

By Smoke Undetected - 13/10/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that our smoke detector doesn't work when my roommate turned on the wrong burner while trying to cook. Our air fryer was on said burner, and it started to melt. It sat there for who knows how long until I noticed smoke everywhere and went to investigate. We don't have an air fryer now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 169

Customers from hell

By natalie the witch - 13/10/2022 22:00

Today, while stocking the shelves, a customer demanded I ring up his stuff. I’m not a cashier and therefore don’t have a login code to do so, so I told him as such. He then pulled out a knife and threatened to stab me if I didn’t ring him up. I’m currently writing this from the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 95

What the HELL are you doing?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 493

You deserved it 30 909

Bad connection

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 18:00

Today, and after a lot of effort to reconnect with my family after a while of limited contact, I found out from the family group text that my mom, sister, and grandmother went on a vacation without me, and I didn’t even know about it until they posted some airport selfies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 298

Fine dining and ball pits don't mix

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 16:00

Today, a nasty brat at the restaurant finally tripped up while running around uncontrollably, and hurt himself. I commented to my wife that "karma finally struck." The brat's mom heard me and threw my keys into the kids' ball pit. It’s been over an hour and even the bar staff can’t find my damn keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 606

Cat people

By I’ll never see them again - 13/10/2022 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cat tried to escape when I opened my front door. I noticed that whenever I start babbling and making random sounds, he stops dead and just stares at me in confusion, before walking back in. With my luck, however, this time my neighbor heard everything. They walked quickly away, as if they'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 215

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 12:00

Today, I watched an old man pee himself while he was talking to me at work. I didn't do anything or say something, solely because he didn't get any on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 130

Is there anybody out there?

By taylah - 13/10/2022 10:00

Today, I had a phone interview, my first job interview in months. Two seconds in, I not only lost my signal, my phone froze up and stopped working completely. For six hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 106

Bored stiff

By adsfkerfmpo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I made a date to try to save our relationship. I sat in his room for hours while he watched YouTube videos of World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 252

You deserved it 8 072

Spooky season

By fishyrael - 13/10/2022 00:00 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I took a nap before work. I had a harrowing nightmare in which I was chased by a murderer and the ghosts of his victims at my job. I then woke up to go to work, where I work the night shift, completely alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 129

The master of the house

By Damn cats - 13/10/2022 04:00

Today, I had to use the bathroom when I woke up this morning. My cat was sitting in front of the toilet and absolutely refused to move. I seriously tried every humane way of getting her to move, but she didn't budge. I had to sit really awkwardly on the toilet to do my business. When I stood up, she moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 2 001

Toxicity

By Emotional Man - 13/10/2022 02:00

Today, I've realized years of my mom and my grandma constantly "jokingly" touching me inappropriately has caused me to develop a defense mechanism where I jump out of my skin whenever anyone touches me unexpectedly, or gives me physical affection in any form. No one believes this when I tell them, because I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 126

Cristal mommies

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom - Barking

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 215

Flash, ah ah!

By Dumb, Dumber, and Dumberer - 12/10/2022 20:00

Today, a bird ran into my window. My overzealous cat ran at it like the Flash and smashed his face in the window. He yelped and ran away, then as I was running to see if he was OK, I slammed my face in the door jamb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 279

Bag sign

By Evjoel - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 765

You deserved it 859

Play by play

By nowinshituation - 12/10/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, after being unnecessarily cruel and smearing me in court, my ex had his first weekend with the kids since our split. He has texted me no less than 38 times, wanting play by play directions on how to take care of them. I wanna tell him to go fuck himself but I’m worried my kids will suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 193

Dragons aren't real

By IHaveThePower - 12/10/2022 08:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I had to explain to two different educated adults - one with an IT background and one pure maths Master - that dystopian literature is not an accurate historical record of the Middle Ages. Somebody get STEM majors some humanities… FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 167

Jumpy

By bunny - 12/10/2022 12:00

Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 196

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was playing Nethack at work during some downtime. Some dumbass at IT is now convinced I was trying to "hack" the company servers. How do you study computer science and not know what Nethack is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 384

Today, my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 926

You deserved it 48 239

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 110

You deserved it 9 727

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 097

You deserved it 3 990

Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 111

Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 010

You deserved it 3 092