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    : 320



    Mismanaged

    Anonymous - 24/01/2015 17:24

    Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML
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    No reunion for you

    anyone - 02/09/2010 04:48 - Lebanon

    Today, while browsing Facebook, I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML
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    Unmotivational speaker

    Shivvy - - United Kingdom

    Today, I came downstairs disappointed thinking that my parents had forgotten my birthday. Turns out they didn't forget, they just couldn't be bothered to do anything for it. FML
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    StormSeason - 29/10/2012 12:03 - Australia - Sydney

    Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML
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    Lud@l - 25/10/2008 16:56

    Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML
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    Anonymous - 20/02/2015 01:46 - United States - Lebanon

    Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
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    bobuhbeartoe - 24/08/2009 04:36 - United States

    Today, while showering, I finished off the shampoo bottle. I decided to see if I could shoot it into the trash can over the shower curtain. When I heard the successful "thunk", I got so excited I slipped and cracked my head open. FML
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    targe - 19/10/2011 09:40 - Australia

    Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML
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    hushnow - 07/02/2011 18:04 - United States

    Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML
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    megean c.l. - 20/01/2013 21:36 - United States

    Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
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    newdad - 06/09/2010 23:21 - United States

    Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML
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    Mallory - 27/11/2011 23:53 - United States

    Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML
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    Fmyoffice - 27/11/2009 19:51 - United Kingdom

    Today, for the third time this week, my boss made me switch desks. Each new desk is closer to the door than the last one. I think he's trying to tell me something. FML
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    mjbx - 01/01/2012 19:02 - United Kingdom

    Today, I decided to write a romantic email to my boyfriend describing how much I love and miss him. An hour later, I got an email back saying, "I think we need to discuss this." It seems I sent it to my teacher by mistake. FML
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    TMI

    MyPoorEyes - 19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

    Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML
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    rhunter17 - 06/04/2015 19:38

    Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
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    Anonymous - 28/10/2014 21:58 - United States

    Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML
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    Ouch - 21/01/2012 00:29 - United States

    Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
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    tmac05 - 13/11/2010 05:13 - United States

    Today, the waiter farted while I was on a date. My date thought it was me. FML
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    S. Tucker - 07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

    Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML
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    JLoRd - 01/02/2009 14:40 - United States

    Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML
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    Zoey - 09/02/2012 15:17 - Canada

    Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML
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    Anonymous - 26/09/2010 18:50 - Canada

    Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend, the love of my life. Actually I ran into a billboard for her college, where apparently she is the new "poster girl" for their advertising campaign. I have now seen her on 2 billboards, a newspaper ad and a bus. FML
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    Laura - 20/03/2012 22:27 - United Kingdom - Girvan

    Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
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    Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

    Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML
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    Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:42 - United States

    Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML
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    Fix up, look sharp

    anonymous - - United States

    Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML
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    Rissa Warrington - 09/03/2012 08:30 - Canada

    Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
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    TheBeastSwaq - 31/12/2011 17:09 - United States

    Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML
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    IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed - 20/12/2011 11:49 - Mauritius

    Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister, and me. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I finally gave my mum an expensive designer dress I spent months saving to buy for her as she had been very depressed. However she has gained so much weight from stress eating she ripped it when trying to put it on, and now won't talk to me because, "I wanted to make her feel fat". FML
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    Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML
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    Today, my fiancée's son mocked me at breakfast. When I reprimanded him for being disrespectful, my fiancée rolled her eyes and said he was being playful and to stop criticizing him. He's 6, he's damn well old enough to know that mocking someone is rude. FML
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    Today, my father calculated that the only way we can afford to keep the house was if I get pregnant and claim child benefits. My family now won't speak to me because I refuse to do it. I'm 15 years old. FML
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    Today, I watched as a bully told a kid, "I wish someone would staple your mouth shut so you would never talk again" right in front of the teacher. The teacher definitely heard it. She didn't get written up for it. Not even a verbal warning. I would pay to see a teacher actually punish someone in this school. FML
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    Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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