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The all-time greatest FMLs

I'm surprised

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 20:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend at his house. Apparently, I ruined the surprise party he'd planned for me, and now he’s upset with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 128

Hoarder vibes

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 12:00 - United States - Edison

Today, after finally convincing my wife to let me donate the piles of junk lying around, I was backing out of the driveway with a full load when she ran out going, "Wait, wait!" She wants to go through everything and try to sell it. Back to square fucking one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 105

The long game

By Not this again.... - 26/09/2023 16:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I visited my Grandma's house, and my uncle happened to be there. As expected, and all the time, he greeted with his signature shit-eating, "I see what you did there" face. He's been doing that to me ever since he saw me masturbating when I was a little kid. I'm 47, married, and have 2 kids now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 162

How deep is your rake?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 96

Evil little *****

By Anonymous - 18/08/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom - Camberley

Today, I was helping a friend tidy their garden and I lifted up a big sheet of plywood. Turns out there was a wasp nest under it. Also, turns out my friend knew it was there and let me disturb it because they “wanted to see what would happen.” About 600 fucking wasp stings, that’s what happens, you twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 65

Slash and burn

By Anonymous - 04/05/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I work for a public radio station and I found out our funding was slashed in the new federal budget. Meanwhile, there’s a military parade planned for the president’s birthday. I guess I’ll start podcasting from my garage then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 230

Saved!

By No good deed... - 29/01/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in the kitchen with my mom, who is severely disabled and can barely walk. She suddenly slipped on a puddle of water, so I instinctively grappled her from behind to save her. It took me a moment to realize my hands were accidentally cupping her breasts. She then slipped again and took both of us down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 112

Family days

By No more - 07/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I don't know why I bothered taking my family to the beach. All my wife wants to do is shop at the same crappy cheap chains she always goes to, and all my son wants to do is watch cartoons. Whenever I suggest anything different, they both throw tantrums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 119

How could you?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2024 00:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for "cheating" on him with his best friend. What did I do? I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when I finally met him in person, after years of hearing about how great he is and how much we would get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 196

Off script

By Going hungry - 29/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 189

Hard times

By Anonymous - 25/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my brother isn't going to have a funeral because my dad and stepmom can't afford one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 66

Beginner's protest

By Vegansux - 23/08/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my sister was yet again sprawled out on the kitchen floor. Passed out drunk? Nah, it was a "die-in" as part of her plan to annoy us into becoming insufferable vegans like her. I accidentally stepped on her hand and she screamed, making me jump and splash hot coffee everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 81

Be prepared!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2024 16:00 - United States - Washington

Today, we had to abandon a Winter Scout camping trip midway because of a blizzard. I was hauling my stuff out of the cabin. No one warned me about the icy steps. I slipped, landed on my tailbone, blacked out and saw stars. Everyone is now laughing at me and doing impressions of me rolling in the snow in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 118

Just say you're imitating Ron Mael

By Anonymous - 01/07/2023 22:00

Today, I realized I look better with a Hitler moustache than any other facial hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 200

Old prude

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 342

Classic

By scotchfaster - 26/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I started seeing a new therapist and told him everything that was going on in my life. He asked me if I was suicidal; I said no. He paused and asked me, "Why not?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 105

Introverts unite (from a distance)!

By Anonymous - 28/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to explain to my mum that "introverted" just means "doesn’t like large crowds and likes long periods of solitude." She stubbornly insists it means "antisocial prick not interested in being part of the family, who can move the fuck out of her house" when I turn 18 in 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 153

Can't be arsed

By Anonymous - 31/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband turned down a six figure job offer because he thinks it will be too difficult to learn to speak German. German is my native language, he already speaks some German from being married to me for 16 years, but somehow becoming fully fluent isn’t worth 6 figures to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 116

Kinky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 133

Help out!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’ve been doing our family tree, it's become clear to me that every man who has married into my wife’s family for at least 4 generations has died within 15 years of the wedding. It’s our 13th anniversary next month. Two years to go. Someone help me by keeping their fingers crossed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 75

Give me a second!

By Nick - 23/06/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, my ex-wife's lawyer threatened to default on the divorce because I have not signed the divorce papers yet. Divorce papers that I have not been served yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 91

RIP

By Anonymous - 04/02/2026 00:00

Today, someone took a shit on my father’s gravestone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 52

Sushi shit show

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 00:00

Today, I tried to make homemade sushi for the first time. It ended up looking like a Jackson Pollock painting, and tasted like a shoe. My roommates politely declined when I offered them some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 290

First impressions

By Anonymous - 01/12/2024 15:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I joined a gym. I’m overweight and not very athletic, so I was nervous. I looked around and tried a treadmill. I start walking at a chill pace, then got ambitious and cranked it to a "light jog." Within seconds, I tripped, fell, and sent the emergency stop button flying across the room. The gym staff ran over and I swear someone said, “Well, at least he’s trying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 138

We still good?

By Anonymous - 11/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 120

By toto13660 - 29/06/2016 20:10

Today, at the beach, a seagull conveyed its opinion of my cigarette by taking a dump on it, putting it out. Seems they have anti-tobacco sniper seagulls now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 481

Road trip

By Rodi - 11/07/2024 14:00 - Netherlands - Ugchelen

Today, after we drove to France to go to a jazz festival, we'd arrived in the evening after a 600 km drive, and my wife made a misstep and broke her ankle, it's the next day and we drove back home. After the first toll booth, the electric car window would no longer go up, so we drove with the window open for the remaining 500 km. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 112

Touch crowd

By Ouch - 17/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 184

Denied

By Anonymous - 02/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I woke up with a raging hard on. My wife, who was also awake, felt it when I pressed against her. She said, "No thank you," got up, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 205

DM FML

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play D&D. Some old acquaintances wanted to join, saying they'd pay for food. When I picked them up to drive them to the game, they claimed they were screwed on their paychecks, couldn't afford food or gas. However, they could afford Mountain Dew and candy bars for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 141

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The Top

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 66

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 764

You deserved it 24 411

Random

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 289

You deserved it 29 622

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 088

You deserved it 16 312

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 579

You deserved it 27 354

Today, my alcoholic father volunteered that he was cutting back on his drinking… by switching from gin martinis to vodka martinis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 102

Today, I was told to "stop being such a little pussy." Why? Because my body chose to pass out from the heat. I didn’t complain even once, but I drank plenty of water and still passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 131

Today, I spent 10 minutes searching for my phone while on a call. Turns out, I had absentmindedly put it in the freezer while grabbing a snack. It was frozen solid, but at least I found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 339