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The all-time greatest FMLs

Tardy

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 20:00 - Australia

Today, I had to tell my daughter 7 times to get ready for school. I packed her lunch, made her breakfast, got her clothes ready for her, and yet it still took her half an hour to get dressed, making me just under an hour late for work due to peak hour traffic. Traffic I would have beaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 683

Let's do this again?

By Giselle - 13/10/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a guy who insisted on eating off my plate the whole night. He didn't order his own food, because according to him, "it’s more intimate to share." He didn’t get why I found the whole deal off-putting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 70

It sounds funny I know, but it really is so

By Anonymous - 24/02/2025 09:00

Today, my dad admitted to dating and getting my stepdaughter pregnant, and they’re very happy. My wife is furious. Meanwhile, my brother pointed out it’s a real life version of the Willie Nelson song. Once the baby is born, our inbred family tree will result in me technically being my own grandad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 102

Horrific misdirection

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 126

Like riding a bike

By Anonymous - 25/08/2023 16:00 - Germany

Today, after nine years, I got back together with my first love, the man who taught me about sensuality and touch, and who no one could measure up to since. I guess this time I’ll have to do the teaching, because he has somehow forgotten even the basics of how to touch a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 211

Love is love

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, my friend, who is gay, announced that he's getting married. I implored him to not invite my parents and (especially) my grandma, for reasons that I'm sure you can figure out, but he did anyway. Long story short, he's inconsolable. What excellent parents I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 143

Thanks, Zuck!

By Patrick - 15/03/2024 16:00 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, after nearly 19 years, my Facebook account was permanently disabled because I'd banned too many scammers. I admin 58 groups, for over 2 million members, and have banned 50k+ fake accounts. One of them apparently reported me, and since Facebook runs some fake accounts, it was easier to ban me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 166

It's the big T

By Annoyed - 28/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I left my apartment building to drive to work. I walked up to my car when I noticed someone had written "FUCK ELON" on the hood. I guess some protesters can't spell, which explains how they'd confused "Toyota" for "Tesla." FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 76

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 142

Right under your nose

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 01:56

Today, my husband took our 5-month-old to the doctor, who diagnosed him with a severe sinus blockage and referred us to a specialist. This is the third major health problem with our son that our husband has picked up before I did. My job? I’m a nurse in a paediatric clinic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 765

Short Kings

By nick - 09/05/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I overheard the girl I like tell her friends about me, “I like his personality a lot, it would be so sexy if he was taller. He’s adorable though.” I’m just below average height for a man. I wouldn’t even consider myself super short. I hate being 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 106

Ungrateful bunch

By ProduceGood - 02/06/2022 00:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I realized why my stomach is upset: in a house with my two adult parents and one 17 year-old sister, we have somehow gone an entire week without fresh vegetables or fruit. I didn't notice because I was trying to figure out how to handle them forgetting my 30th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 904

Controlling

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 129

Second best

By fred - 18/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, at the age of 34, I realized every girl since high school who has dated me, only dated me because they had low self-esteem or were rebounding. The second they found someone they thought was better, they would leave me. Will I find someone who actually wants to be with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 156

This one's for the gamers

By GamerGirl - 26/06/2023 15:00

Today, I had to boot a person from my alliance (AKA a guild of sorts) for not following some server rules that our alliance, along with the majority on the server had agreed to all maintain. Later, that day a competing alliance (who also agreed to the rules) recruited said member I had just booted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 279

Foot soldier

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 22:00

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work. By lunchtime, my feet were covered in blisters and I had to limp my way through the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 389

Stuck on amber

By Jaled - 11/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a guy I have a bit of a crush on. Trying to break the awkward silence, I made a joke about our situation, saying, "Well, at least we're not on a desert island." He replied, "Yeah, but I'd still prefer the island; at least then I could escape." FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 155

The end of an era

By Anonymous - 23/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I had to quit my dream job, due to an injury I received at work over two months ago not fully healing. Not only do I really need the money, I’ll never find something I love doing so much, or a better group of coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 83

Work it!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, my man said, "If you get more sore from your workouts than from having sex with me, I’m gonna cry!" Uhm… I do serious weight training, and in bed we both enjoy the missionary position, so… sorry for your ego, Honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 172

Conflicting emotions

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 91

Sneaky

By Blindsided - 23/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years is cheating on me. A friend had brought this to my attention. She was under the impression that we broke up because she’d seen stories of him and another woman. I found out he changed his story settings to hide the specific posts with that other woman from me only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 72

How do I put this?

By Well shit - 18/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my school announced plans to do a Memorial Day event near the end of the year, where students can invite people they know who are war veterans. Everyone wants me to invite my uncle, since he's pretty well-known around here. I don't have the heart to tell them he has terminal cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 78

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 157

What just happened?

By Danny is pissed - 01/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 169

Pretty vacant

By So losing the last name - 26/09/2024 00:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, at our usual family gathering, Big Grandpa, the family patriarch, said with his loud super authoritative voice, "Hey! Where is granddaughter?" I responded, "Here, Grandpa!" He then disgruntledly yelled, "NO! I meant my PRETTY granddaughter!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 90

Occasional criminal

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 297

Stuck

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 21:30 - Australia

Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 1 034

By mrWrong - 25/03/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 64

FAMILY

By Not today, Satan! - 30/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was given a new trainee at work. It was the conniving skank who screwed my brother-in-law and ruined my sister’s marriage. When I refused to train her, I was written up and sent home, while the homewrecking whore just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 262

Could be useful in the right circumstances

By ThisIsYourDoc - 18/08/2023 14:00 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, I finished the rather expensive Arabic language course I have been taking for about 6 months. I still can't hold a conversation, but I can now say, "May Allah give you a headache and you are stuck in Beirut's traffic for two hours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 167

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The Top

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 884

You deserved it 804 284

Today, I had to yell at both my adult children; my daughter for having an OnlyFans page and my son for finding the page, blackmailing her for money for two months, then telling me about it when she refused to keep paying. I'm not a proud parent right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 416

Random

Today I broke my glasses beyond repair. I am very nearly legally blind. I get my glasses at Walmart and today, Christmas, is the only day out of the entire year that they are closed. Merry Christmas to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 590

You deserved it 1 079

Today, my fiancé broke it off with me on our 3-year anniversary at 12:01 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. Guess who gets to go to family gatherings where everyone will be asking where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 919

You deserved it 881

Today, I told my grandpa that I want to join the police force. His response: "You wanna lynch some blacks without the jail time, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 608

You deserved it 2 585

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 856

You deserved it 19 613

Today, I was asked if I had children who are in high school. I’m 17. This isn't the first time someone has mistaken me for a woman in her twenties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 185

Today, I'm feeling extremely sick and itchy. I'd bought rats as pets to help with my anxiety, and they gave me ringworm. I now have ringworm in about nine places on my body, including my face. I don’t know which one is worse, being dizzy from the medication or the itching. I’m feeling more anxious than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 609