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The all-time greatest FMLs

He got game

By Facepalm - 17/01/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my husband, who lost 250 pounds and has never been healthier, that no, he does not get a pass to sleep around to "make up" for all the sex he missed when he was young and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 176

Get out

By Anonymous - 11/04/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's girlfriend, who I’d never met before, openly criticised my two-room flat for not having an extra room to breastfeed her baby in private that wasn’t either my bedroom or bathroom, like she thought they were unclean. How about fuck off to someone else’s flat then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 79

Goddamn commies

By Pronouns - 05/04/2022 02:00

Today, my latest date told me to lose his number and never contact him again all because I have "pronouns" in my Instagram bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 1 310

Self sabotage

By Leah - 05/05/2023 03:00

Today, I was super nervous about seeing a really cute rental property in a HIGHLY competitive market. I thought it was going well until I panicked and shook the landlord's hand as I was leaving, even though she specifically said she doesn't do handshakes at the beginning of the tour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 335

You chose, you lose

By Momtobe2007 - 24/05/2023 22:00

Today, my parents told me that since I'm old enough to want to keep my baby, I have 30 days to find a place to live. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 1 456

Point made

By Anonymous - 23/01/2026 00:00

Today, to prove to my wife that she's incapable of leaving on time, I told her we needed to leave by 6 and gave her no further reminders. At 6:45 she “still need 5 more minutes.” Then she got mad when she came downstairs at 7:20 and I was in my pyjamas, because what's the fucking point leaving now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 82

It's not for everyone

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 02:00

Today, it's our 30 year 'no-wedding' anniversary, as in 30 years since she refused to marry me. I mean, we’ve only been together 30 years, have 4 adult children, 6 grandchildren, a house we jointly own, and a retirement villa waiting for us in Tuscany, and yet she doesn’t want to marry me, ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 869

Winter Is Coming!

By FML Approved - 14/07/2017 03:30

Only a few short days remain until the new season of Game of Thrones begins! The FML Team is pretty excited, in case you couldn't tell.

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 274

Drunk texts

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 06:00

Today, at around 2 a.m., I texted my crush that I liked him. He replied that he's in a relationship. I just felt a tight knot in my stomach and couldn't breathe for a few seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 965

Never miss a chance to sit down

By wookieewhosshe - 05/06/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Cowdenbeath

Today, I was so busy all the time that I actually got a thrill out of sitting down and taking the weight off my feet. On the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 147

Practise makes perfect

By Anonymous - 16/06/2023 16:00

Today, I've practised a particular fast passage at least hundreds of times, it was perfect… then came the competition. I sat down on the chair and played it, but halfway through, my instrument chose to just fall off my hand, not even the bow or something, the entire instrument. It was recorded too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 138

Weirdest scam attempt ever?

By Violet Winters - 01/08/2023 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 112

Nice guy

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, there is a reason women don’t like self proclaimed “nice guys.” A guy I turned down years ago took pictures from my breast cancer journey and used them as props during his podcast/video to tell his disgusting fans I deserved cancer for rejecting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 90

Hangry DVD

By Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that my old DVD player had stopped reading my DVDs. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what the problem was. I found the problem, which was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after doing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 2 191

Hammered

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother-in-law wanted a boxing match, which was the last thing I wanted since he’s a trained boxer. The last thing I expected was to knock him out cold on my first swing. My wife is now mad at me because he’s sulking, and I “could have held back to be a good sport.” Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 95

Underappreciated

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 09:00 - Germany

Today, I cook, clean, do laundry, wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, do grocery shopping, take the mental load for everything, take care of the kids, keep them engaged without screens, have a full-time job, do well at my job, and earn well - which I give to my husband fully. Only for him to ask me, "What do you even do here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 158

I'm an empath

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss tried to cancel my leave because he’s “taking a mental health break next week and really needs me in the office.” I’m getting married next week and going on a two-week, non-refundable honeymoon, but he needs a mental health break. I had to get HR involved. Snowflake lazy prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 105

Proud Papa moment

By Anonymous - 19/11/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter turned up at my house because her boyfriend kicked her out. I rang him and it turns out his love and affection and even the time he spent getting to know her kids wasn’t enough for her, my daughter just had to throw it all away by sucking her coworker's dick in her boyfriend's bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 159

They say romance is dead…

By Anonymous - 12/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally went on a date with a guy who’s been begging to take me out for weeks. I’m terrified of dating but, after consulting with my friends, I decided to give it a shot as he seemed nice. He told me during the date that he has a girlfriend, but he just fantasizes about hooking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 98

Failson

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 20:00

Today, I gave my son a job as a shelf stacker in one of my stores. He is in his thirties and is so dumb that he has been fired from every other job for incompetence. I don’t want him to starve or lose his flat, but I also couldn’t give him an important job in case he screwed it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 202

In training

By Anonymous - 13/12/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 207

Zero stars on Trip Advisor

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 92

Probable cause

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 10:00 - United States - Corinth

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 02:00 - Brazil

Today, I was riding my bike down a hill and noticed a pretty girl sitting at the bus stop. I guess I was staring pretty hard, because the next thing I knew, I was swerving off the road and smashing into a tree. She laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 2 185

Get her back, you fool!

By poopface82 - 05/02/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, my financial situation is so bad that I had to surrender my beloved calico cat because I can’t take care of her. On top of that, my ex-wife found out and crucified me over it. I’ve been fucked up about it all day, and everything reminds me of my cat. Sorry, baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 180

Get back

By Rebeccs - 15/08/2022 02:00 - Canada

Today, my cat escaped through my front door. It was dark out, so I had no idea where I was going. I finally caught up to him in my neighbour’s lawn and I gave him heck for scaring me. It took me a minute to realize I was actually talking to a bush in their flowerbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 351

Protest song

By Anonymous - 17/04/2024 00:00 - United States - Lockport

Today, I picked my sister up from the hospital. Apparently, she got into it with some guy who “didn’t look disabled” for parking in a handicapped spot and laid under his tires to stop him from leaving. He didn’t realize and ran her over. Now I have to listen to her bitch and moan about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 92

Unreasonable

By Busting my hump - 17/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm on my sixth straight day of double shifts, with four more to go. I make overtime so I'm not complaining, but today my wife texted me, "Going out of town tonight, I expect the house to be spotless when I return." Not sure how I'm going to swing this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 131

Overreaction, but still…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2023 10:00

Today, and because our relationship is getting serious, I asked my boyfriend about his stance on having kids one day. He practically projectile vomited on the carpet, which is probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 235

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 3 246

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The Top

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739 142

You deserved it 496 176

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 008

You deserved it 252 149

Random

Today, my son wanted to be Spiderman. He found the biggest spider he could outside and let it bite his hand. He's staying overnight in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 847

You deserved it 2 488

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 621

You deserved it 4 257

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 10 964

Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 623

You deserved it 3 673

Today, my little brother got mad at me, so he colored the entire screen of my new iPod Touch with a black sharpie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 5 351

Today, after cleaning my house, I decided to treat myself with a glass of wine. I poured the wine, set it down, and came back just in time to see my cat push it off the table. I then yelled at her, which scared her so much she pissed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 878