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The all-time greatest FMLs

Failed the taste test

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Stamford

Today, I was feeling nauseous so I decided to take some Pepto Bismol. However, the fake cherry flavor immediately made me vomit all over the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 140

Roommates from hell, part 4765

By SHUT UUUUUP - 03/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I've found that it's hard to focus on important things when your roommate won't stop singing at the top of his lungs, without any music playing mind you, especially when his singing voice sounds like a cat being forced through a meat grinder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 98

Adventure time

By Spice gone wrong - 31/05/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my normally very unadventurous girlfriend decided she wanted to have public sex. We were naked in the back of her car when she saw someone in the distance, had a panic attack, and started screaming uncontrollably. I got arrested because a cop heard the screams and thought I was attacking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 188

Stink pits in the heat

By rie - 22/08/2021 16:01

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 130

What the hell?

By BarbaraP - 18/09/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my husband once again went to my sister’s room (she's been living with us since her husband passed away) and claims he’s comforting her. He locks the door and there are moaning noises, but they insist that it’s her crying for her dead husband. They called me “selfish” for me questioning their motives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 177

Lonely guy

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 18:00 - Australia

Today, when asked confirm my login details via text or automated phone call, I chose the phone call to pretend that someone actually cared enough to call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 226

The grey zone

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 18:00

Today, man do I feel old. For the first time ever, a teen thug with more acne spots than brain cells told me to, “Piss off grandad.” Grandad? Guess I look older than I feel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 100

A night to remember

By Jo. - 20/10/2022 02:00

Today, it was my 21st birthday. My roommate insisted her friend join us. They both got belligerently drunk while I was pretty sober. We ended the night at 12am with her friend violently sobbing at the bar over her boyfriend, while I played Subway Surfers. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 155

High tech scamming

By Thaylok - 13/07/2023 12:00

Today, I was contacted from the great beyond by my mother on Facebook. So were most of my family. This occurred within 60 minutes of her passing. Scammers act fast and can even claim that six sons all posting about the death and reporting the account is a lie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 101

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 215

Melting man

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was on my way to a relatively important interview when I realized that I'd forgotten to put on antiperspirant. Once seated, I was so nervous that I started sweating profusely under my light blue shirt, and by the end of the whole ordeal I had huge sweat stains under my armpits, down to my elbows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 259

Racketeering

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 03:00 - United States - Isle

Today, I woke up to the most excruciating pain in my jaw. No dentist that takes my insurance has any openings, and the one doctor I can see to get antibiotics isn’t in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 115

Pokéman gone

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 08:01

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 638

Divorced dad energy

By Anonymous - 14/04/2023 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had to purchase an app to communicate with my ex-wife. She's too stupid to figure out how to unblock me in Hotmail so we can coordinate kid schedules. She is a control freak and regularly blocks/unblocks me depending on the time of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 233

Not so Easy Rider

By Anonymous - 03/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I put the key in my motorcycle but there was no power, so I pushed it to the road and tried to roll-start it down the hill. Pushed back up the hill. Jump started it and took off. Had to push it back up the hill. I change the battery to find out that the electrics are shorted out. I don't have another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 147

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 112

The fun never ends

By Yudith - 02/01/2023 09:00 - Canada

Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 139

Kinda suspicious

By fuzzybee301 - 17/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, my husband claimed to have gone to a baseball game by himself. My best friend posted a story where she went to that same game. My husband’s hand was in the background. He told me nothing happened between them and they went as just friends. He didn’t tell me because he “thought I’d be mad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 131

Who are you?

By MotherNerd - 10/11/2023 18:00 - Netherlands - Halfweg

Today, we noticed some guy lurking nearby our house. In a few minutes, we saw that the TARDIS (the police box from Dr Who) replica that we built for our son in the backyard was on fire. This guy burned it because he "hates nerds." I don't even know him, he just saw the box somehow and decided to set it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 115

There's a party in my pants!

By CatchingUp - 20/10/2022 06:00 - Australia - Waurn Ponds

Today, my period came two days late. After fretting for two days, my body made it up to me by sticking three days of symptoms in one day. I needed Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Scotch, and cuddles before I got any relief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 149

Just asking questions

By <Still_Closeted> - 19/02/2022 03:59

Today, I had a long call with my crush, the only person I have been in regular contact with for the past year. He regularly calls me to check up on me, and really cares about my interests. I'm not sure if he likes me back, or is just being friendly, and I'm too scared to ask him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 519

Anyone can be a 7 if you try hard enough

By Anonymous - 23/09/2022 04:00

Today, I had a very nice, long, and pleasant dream about having a girlfriend for the first time since 2010, and then I woke up. I'm right about myself, I'm going to be single for the rest of my life, and there's no point in trying to change that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 282

Defeated

By K.O - 09/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, a fly landed on my ear. The suddenly loud buzzing noise scared me so badly that out of instinct, I punched the side of my head so hard that I actually made myself really dizzy. The worst part? I didn't kill the fly. Jackass fly: 1, Dumbass me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 563

Nervous Nelly

By insaneindamembrane - 16/05/2022 16:00

Today, I finally realized that I have so much anxiety and stress, I would fail a polygraph test asking me my own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 159

Shoelace dyslexia

By Ham-fisted - 09/07/2022 04:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I had to explain to yet another person that I can't tie a knot. Even if someone walks me through the entire process, I never get it. The person in question berated me for not being able to perform such a "simple" task. I truly don't know what I'm doing wrong, and it makes me feel like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 367

Oh no!

By fml - 19/02/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, the ethernet cable that I'd waited so long for arrived. I have been gaming on the stupidly unstable wifi for months and finally I thought my life would be saved. Then it turns out that the ethernet port isn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 240

No means no

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 10:00

Today, it seems my mom didn’t believe me when I told her multiple times I was not going to my nasty bitch sister's wedding. Then she acted surprised and outraged when, shocker, I didn’t go, and has been leaving me texts and voicemails for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 110

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 145

Decisions, decisions

By Aboulomania - 05/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned that there is an actual medical term for having trouble making decisions of any kind. I'm not sure if I should feel understood because I know it's an actual disorder, or be angry that people still believe it's fake when I show it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 231

The house always wins

By Rhayne - 23/07/2023 06:00 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I discovered my husband hadn't stopped his dangerous gambling habit, even though he'd promised to stop after I caught him the first time two months ago. I'm hurt, sad, confused, and angry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 147

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The Top

Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 738

You deserved it 3 288

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 251

You deserved it 11 930

Random

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 346

You deserved it 2 892

Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 278

You deserved it 5 277

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 350

You deserved it 172 097

Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 828

You deserved it 5 046

Today, it's been a week since I hired a 17 year-old guy to work at my store. Three of his friends decided to come in today and "prank" him by all three taking a shit in one toilet and clog it. The toilet overflowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 91

Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 125