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The all-time greatest FMLs

Tattoos are for life

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, my husband cried more at the funeral of his tattoo artist than he did at his grandmother's funeral. Seriously, at the artist's funeral, he was crying; at his grandmother's, he kept checking the time on his phone and yawning. What man did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 384

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 17:02 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 150

Snaggletooth

By sara - 30/05/2021 17:01 - Canada

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 130

Return to sender

By PolarBear2020 - 16/04/2021 23:05

Today, I was notified by my bank that the government stimulus check I had deposited last week had been returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 84

Bad omen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2023 22:00

Today, my wife hates being a mom so much that our daughter is practically being raised by her grandparents, due to how often she just drops her at their house, multiple times a week. I of course pick her straight up as soon as I finish work, but it’s her bedtime only an hour later. This is not good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 200

Narcissistic parenting

By CheeseMakesMeFart - 04/08/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my parents kept on trying to create drama in my long-distance relationship,and telling me that my life is a mess. But when I tell them they played a huge part in my crippling anxiety, they change the topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 143

Please go outside

By Anonymous - 26/05/2022 14:00

Today, I just found out I have a roommate who smokes. I can’t change roommates for at least six months. I put on the form that I wanted a non-smoker because of health issues, but someone looked at the form wrong. At the moment they’re full up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 144

Telltale signs

By Anonymous - 18/01/2023 04:00

Today, I was told the company didn't want me traveling to other states to audit our stores. I was hired because I'm good at auditing and finding affordable travel options. This means they don't value my skills and are planning on laying me off. I really liked this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 130

Seek help

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, I’ve been depressed and lonely for almost half my life now, and no longer have any friends or family. I realised I often started hallucinating, most of it making me able to see my childhood and me playing when we were kids. This is getting too painful to bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 151

Pay people a living wage

By F Capitalist somms - 06/04/2023 02:00

Today, I received a very angry email from the lady who interviewed me for a position at a clothing store. She told me I was entitled, unprofessional, and greedy. Apparently, “Because I need money to pay my bills and feed my daughter” wasn’t an appropriate response to, “Why do you wanna work here?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 404

Risky business

By PleaseCalmDownThisIsALibrary - 30/06/2023 22:00 - United States - Columbia

Today, I'm just a simple librarian. Last week, we had to call the cops on two separate aggressive patrons. Today, I had to call the cops yet again. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 95

Not drunk, just sad

By literally for crying out loud! - 06/08/2023 14:00

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 250

Pudding?

By Cake - 12/01/2023 14:00

Today, my mom made my favorite dessert, a pudding. For some reason, she decided to put strawberries in it. She knows I’m allergic to strawberries. She said, “Stop bitching. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it then. Problem solved.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 159

Where am i?

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 18:00

Today, I was playing basketball with my friends. I went up for a dunk and ended up hitting my head on the rim, knocking myself out. When I came to my senses, my "friends" had all left. Assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 167

Relatable, unfortunately

By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 19:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized that I'm at the age that whenever I mention a friend of the opposite gender, my family's first response is asking whether that friend is single. I've already accepted no one will want a pathetic freak like me, so their poking around what few friends I have makes it awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 187

Sorry sweaty

By Jennie - 11/05/2023 15:00

Today, I was late for a job interview so I got a taxi to get there. Then the driver got lost and ended up taking me to the wrong address. By the time I got to the right location, I was 20 minutes late and had sweat stains on my shirt. To make matters worse, the interviewer was my ex who I had a messy breakup with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 200

This is war!

By Anonymous - 11/02/2021 17:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb has hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 114

Ranting and raving

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 22:01

Today, my mom sent me a text message, asking me why I blocked her on Facebook. I didn't. She blocked me, after drinking a bottle of wine. After having a conversation telling me that I need to go to AA and detox. I didn't have anything to drink, and have been limiting alcohol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 110

Stay out of my life

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 00:01

Today, my mom tried to worm her way back into my life by manipulating my brother into doing the dirty work for her. I pretended to swallow the bullshit and invited her over, just so I could slam the door in her face. My brother says I went too far, like he somehow forgot what a shit mom she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 219

True crime

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized why I had more than a little obsession with a show, in particularly one character, when I was transferring files to my new phone and saw a drawing my ex had sent me. She went missing, with zero leads, over 18 months ago and I can't stop clinging to either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 121

Leave me out of it

By Marissa Di Stefano - 05/01/2021 17:01

Today, my sister and mom were arguing. My sister was being really nasty to my mom, and decided to get nasty with me and drag me into the argument. Naturally, I got nasty back at her and we started fighting. My mom yelled at me for getting nasty with my sister, and kicked me out of the house for “being too nasty.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 214

Just take the W

By Anon - 22/04/2023 03:00

Today, I want to share my weightloss success but I have no one to celebrate with. My husband says, "It's because you have so much to lose" and my friends all have too much going on to take notice. Celebrating in silence that I'm in the 150's. Healthy feels isolating and lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 161

It's not what you think

By David - 03/07/2022 02:00 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I had the front door open, and my cat Watson, who I often call Little Boy, was sitting in front of the screen door. I wanted to close the door so, speaking to my cat, I said, "Come here, Little Boy," at which point a young child came running up to my door. His dad yelled, "Get back here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 232

Not a car person

By Vehophobic - 21/09/2020 08:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 773

Poor little kitty

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 17:01

Today, I realized the kitten I adopted months ago either has serious attachment issues or the worst case of Stockholm syndrome I've ever seen. Only I can get near him, he can't stand us being over 5 feet apart, he meows until I let him into the bathroom with me, and I feel like a jerk for disliking it. I need space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 338

Make plans, Mom laughs

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 16:00

Today, as I can’t afford a “real” vacation, I’m trying to get my car converted for camping in time for what promises to be perfect weather next week. Meanwhile, my mom booked a trip to Switzerland. For next week. Guess who gets to stay home and feed the animals? FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 156

In the way

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 226

Insane parents, part 38765

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 05:02 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 158

Mismanagement

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 07:30 - United States - Sheppton

Today, I discovered that my mother has been stealing from me to cover her mountain of debt. I’m barely making ends meet as it is. When I confronted her, she had the gall to suggest I get a second job to support her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 107

Neverending

By Covid3.0 - 12/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Livermore

Today, despite getting all vaccinations and taking all precautions, I've tested positive for Covid. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 382

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 156

Random

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 209

You deserved it 5 467

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 806

You deserved it 4 535

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 047

You deserved it 6 038

Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 354

You deserved it 5 154

Today, I was looking at porn on my laptop when my mom came into my room to talk to me. After she finished what she was saying, she paused and said, "You know, I can see the reflection of your computer screen in your glasses." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 262

You deserved it 38 115

Today, I’m questioning everything about me. I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy for almost 3 years now, high school sweethearts if you will. Now I’m starting to question if I even like guys. I’ve never gotten off to a guy, but women? I’ve always gotten off to them. My boyfriend is so sweet, I don’t know how to do this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 227