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The all-time greatest FMLs

Life in vain

By Composureless - 07/03/2023 18:00

Today, I'm writing an eulogy for my younger brother who shot himself… and realizing that neither of us has ever done shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 136

Cheer up sleepy dreams

By dead - 31/03/2021 23:00

Today, it’s been 6 months at my job and I still can’t get used to the morning shift. Even with a changed diet, exercise, meditation, and no caffeine after noon, I'm averaging about 2 hours of sleep a night. My body will always choose sleep deprivation over falling asleep at a reasonable time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 154

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 109

Relax, don't do it…

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 14:00 - Canada - Etobicoke

Spicy

Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 457

Is she Julia Stiles?

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 07:59 - United States - Weehawken

Today, I asked a girl out. She sent me a whole list of reasons that she hated me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 173

Thanks, Marley

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 08:08

Today, I made sure my puppy went number 1 and 2 before taking them into a pet-friendly store. In the store, two ladies awed at my puppy, but as I picked him up I didn't notice he'd shat on the floor until they pointed it out, giving me a dirty look. Other customers glared as I picked up his smeared shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 288

Used

By used - 02/11/2020 20:08 - Japan - Kobe

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 149

Asked and answered

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 14:01 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, after a 16-hour day fixing the computer network at my workplace, I didn't even get a "Thank you". I did, however, get people whining about how, "That computer crap never works" and, "Why do we need IT anyway?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 86

Thruple

By Secret girl - 06/11/2021 02:01 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, it was insinuated that my only other female co-worker is seeing the guy I'm seeing. He bashes her all the time to me, too. Now, I wonder what he says about me, to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 170

Slightly homophobic, but OK…

By Anonymous - 27/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was pulled into an argument between a woman and her boyfriend. He wanted to buy a jacket and she wanted my opinion, as a gay man, on whether it suited him. I’m not gay, I'm even married to a woman. They were very surprised because apparently I look "super gay." Other shoppers agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 188

Love thy neighbour

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 06:00

Today, after I was finally able to afford a house in a nicer area so my kids could go to a better school, I was practically in the house for about 30 seconds before I started getting messages from neighbours, insinuating they don’t appreciate “my sort” and I should, “piss off back to Muslim-land.” I was born in Oxford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 140

Rollercoaster ride

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 06:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 1 816

Self medicated

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00

Today, my husband is a chef and now he has Covid, he's so desperate not to lose his senses of taste or smell that he’s started gargling vodka to kill the virus in his throat faster. He’s even started squirting it up his nose, then crying because of the pain. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 152

Scumbag

By old mom - 29/09/2023 06:00

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 423

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years ghosted me without a word and acted like he didn't know my friend when she texted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 99

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 17:02 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 841

Time to shop

By Anon - 24/03/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I made my whole grocery list out in my head. While having sex with my fiancee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 480

Lightweight

By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 271

Mama Bear

By Ally - 19/05/2022 16:00

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. We've been dating for almost 5 months and are extremely in love. His mom basically said to me, "I want what’s best for my son and you aren’t it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 157

Failing upwards

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 18:00 - United States - Clear Lake

Today, I found out the job I applied for in IT was offered to coworker. I'm going to school for it, she has no degree/desire/knowledge of it. She was my trainer, I literally worked beside her for 2.5 years, and kept saying, "I hope you get it, I'm not going to apply." It was offered 5 days ago, which I found out about from another coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 171

Alexa play "Just Make it Stop" by Low

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 14:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my divorce mediation is in a few days and I had planned for a stress-free weekend to be rested and prepared. In the course of 24 hours, half my office quit, I got a splinter to wood embedded under a finger nail and had to get it removed by an urgent care doctor, then I found out I get ripped off by someone. P.S. I got COVID too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 160

Cranking

By Anonymous - 21/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Corvallis

Spicy

Today, I cried while masturbating because I genuinely couldn't think of a single person that would fuck me in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 371

Truth bomb

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 19:59 - United States - Greenville

Today, I'm realizing that it never gets better, we just get used to life being terrible. There's no point where it all gets better, just tolerable if we're lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 229

Pure concentration

By Anonymous - 30/05/2022 16:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought Elden Ring and hasn’t listened to me once all day. At one point I got his attention by waving my bare boobs at him to remind him it’s his turn to cook. Unfortunately he didn’t listen to me then either, because, you know, my boobs were out and his ears shut down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 526

Nice Dream

By Better seamstress than mistress - 12/05/2021 19:59

Today, I dreamt that the fabric and pattern I was working on were sliding off the table so I quickly reached to grab it, effectively driving my fingers into my husband's eyes. Fuck his life too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 123

Too much information, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/07/2023 18:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve had to listen to my parents discovering that they were both cheating on each other. As I left, they were screaming at each other. When I got home, not only had they calmed down, they were openly discussing whether their other partners might be interested in foursomes or swinging. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 140

Always keep backups

By theyrenotbitteryourebitter - 11/09/2022 00:00 - United States - Point Pleasant Beach

Today, my dream job became open at a moment when I'm looking for a change. They require video editing experience, which I have from an old position at a place known for its uncooperative and incompetent leadership. Guess which job threw all my published work into a bottomless pit when I left? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 225

Bad timing

By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 92

Horrendous website content

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after she found a disgusting and perverted porn site on my internet history. What was this site? Reddit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 179

Wait til she finds out about seatbelts!

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 11:00 - Canada

Today, I hate the government for starting talking about vaccine passports and mandating the Covid-19 vaccine, because I almost had my wife convinced to go get it, and now she's all, "I'm not doing something they are telling me I have to do. I'm not a sheep." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 374

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The Top

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunderstorm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 008

You deserved it 252 149

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 352

Random

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 159

You deserved it 36 963

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 555

You deserved it 9 555

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 096

You deserved it 2 538

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 568

You deserved it 275

Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 412

Today, my husband's latest attempt to torture me was to point out that in every animated kids film like Encanto, Moana, and so on, that somewhere behind Disney's walls is an animator who has to animate the characters boobs and how they bounce when the characters walk. I can’t unsee it; so many films. FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 220