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The all-time greatest FMLs

Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 152

Pectus excavatum!

By Embarrassing Deformity - 29/07/2023 03:00

Today, while making out with my girlfriend, I got the courage to take off my shirt. I told her in advance that I had a sunken chest and she'd told me it was no big deal. Turns out it was, as she wretched at the sight of it, and then broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 129

Pokémon Gone

By pogo Nono - 04/06/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found a guy I play Pokémon Go with on Facebook. We decided to meet up at a popular hunting spot so we could organize a trade. His wife showed up out of nowhere, causing a huge scene and threatening to kick my ass. I had my husband and kids with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 181

AKA taking a screenshot

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 17:02 - United States - White Plains

Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 403

Bee Movie 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 20:01 - United States - Steele

Today, my "friends" who know very well that I am terrified of bees forced me to face my fears, despite my protesting. As my "friends" watched and laughed while I tried to keep calm, a wasp showed up and scared me half to death, thereby angering the other bees. My face looked like a giant raspberry after the fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 143

Whining at life

By 847 - 05/10/2022 22:30 - United States

Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 592

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has epilepsy. How did I find this out? He started having a seizure after I did a striptease for him. I can’t get my boyfriend aroused now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 200

Teenagers, amirite?

By JustShootMe - 01/11/2020 22:57 - Australia - Gladstone

Today, my daughter told me she would rather hang herself than hang out with me. All I did was remind her to go to bed at a reasonable time to get some sleep for an activity she likes doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 147

We are legion

By Lennie Mcfish - 26/09/2019 20:01

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 586

Best gift ever

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 14:01 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my toddler handed me a present and told me to keep it forever. It was a piece of dog poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 221

Mondegreens

By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 17:02

Today, I was interviewing a potential candidate for a job opportunity. He started the conversation by saying that he was having a weird day because his friend just got married. To which I responded, “Oh, fun!” He'd actually said that his friend got murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 229

Assumptions

By MommyIssues - 16/03/2022 14:00 - United States - Loveland

Today, my boyfriend said that the reason I crave affection so bad is because I’m an only child so I got “all my parents attention”. My mom worked nights my whole life and slept while I was home. I barely got 1-2 hours a week of her attention at the maximum and she usually used that time to read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 134

Protective

By Anonymous - 26/03/2022 00:01

Today, I had to go cap in hand to my father-in-law to ask for a loan so I could pay the mortgage, so now he thinks I’m a useless bum who can’t support my family. The truth is it was his daughter the gambler who wasted all our savings, but I can’t bring myself to upset him by telling him the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 305

Tornado warning

By DontWorryImDead - 04/04/2022 10:00

Today, it's been more than 3 days since a tornado ripped through my neighborhood. Several were injured, and there is millions of dollars of damage. Not a single family member has called, texted, or stopped by to see if I need help or got injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 104

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 05:01

Today, as a final effort to get me to lose weight, my recently deceased father left me $25,000 on his will, which is only to be released to me once I weigh 150 pounds. No exceptions. I'm about to lose my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 543

Look who's talking

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 00:01 - Canada - Nepean

Today, my ex asked me to help her with a payment for a loan she had to pay, which she'd forgot she had to pay. I told her I needed to go to bank, and was busy at the moment. She told me that I needed to be more organized in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 176

What on Earth are you doing?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 16:00

Spicy

Today, in a bizarre power move, my cousin flashed me her tits. I thought it a mistake and didn’t acknowledge it, until it happened again for much much longer. I was terrified. Prior to this I hadn’t even realized she had fake tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 216

Then it dawned on me…

By Bad dad - 14/08/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, at my mom's house, my daughter came running up to me with some sort of love heart hair band, demanding to wear it straight away. After a solid 30 seconds trying to figure out how the band fit around a child's head it started vibrating. It was my mom's sex toy from her bedside drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 199

Karma ain't real

By Dating sucks - 26/07/2023 22:00

Today, my ex and the woman he cheated on me with are celebrating their 7th wedding anniversary and have 3 children, while I’m still childless, getting heartbroken, ghosted and depreciated by men. Nice to know the cheaters get the happily ever after and I don’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 430

Jesus saves!

By that’s just gross - 20/06/2021 22:01

Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 97

You tried

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 23:06 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm in my late thirties, I quit my dream job to go back to school in hopes of providing a better future for my family. All my wife does anymore is bitch about how she has to support the family and do everything. I just found out that my grades aren't good enough to continue my college program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 747

Woof! I do not consent!

By Horny and Unamused - 25/05/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 225

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

By queenofthegypsys - 01/03/2020 23:00

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 962

Time doesn't always heal

By Anonymous - 03/10/2022 08:30 - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, exactly two years to the date when I thought my dream had came true when my partner surprised me with a kitten. Except two weeks later we had to give him away because my partner was too anxious about the cat destroying any of his stuff. I'm still heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 215

Not the golden child

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 20:00 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, my father retired and made sure to buy both my younger sisters and their partners near new cars. Despite only one having a licence. Then bought the bare minimal definition of a "functioning" car for me, as compensation for paying off the family car on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 110

Multiusage

By Anonymous - 06/11/2021 05:00 - Poland - Poznan

Today, I noticed my girlfriend wiping her sweaty armpits with the small towel that I always use to wipe my face with after shaving. Now I know why the towel smells so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 191

In a hurry

By bubbles - 10/06/2022 16:00

Today, my husband got home from a date, since he can't wait for our divorce to go through on account of his cheating. I literally put off medical school for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 192

The internet was a mistake

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 22:00

Today, I have Covid and am stuck in isolation with my sister. I have been staying in my room to avoid spreading it, but my sister just yelled at me because I "looked at a bird outside" and might have "given the bird Covid from the mucus in my eyes." She picked this theory up from a stranger on Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 133

Rollercoaster

By Margaret - 04/09/2020 08:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 219

Keep it down

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 08:00

Today, my wife told me to stop talking about my depression, in case the neighbours hear and think she’s a bad wife for not being able to keep me happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 138

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The Top

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 646

You deserved it 90 960

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 111

Random

Today, I sat at work for eight hours daydreaming about the homemade four-cheese ravioli I would come home to after spending three hours making it from scratch the night before. When I finally got home and heated the ravioli, I dropped it all over my feet, giving me second degree burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 356

You deserved it 2 781

Today, my partner walked in the room wearing a sweater from my wardrobe, making jokes about it and saying how ugly it was. That sweater was the last thing my father wore before he passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 034

You deserved it 4 107

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 884

You deserved it 7 613

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 491

You deserved it 4 086

Today, I got proposed to by my long-term best friend, my boyfriend. I panicked and thought of the last time that I got left at the altar by who I thought was the love of my life then, and inadvertently said “No” as a defense mechanism. I’m the most hated person in our social circle, and he’s inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 1 347

Today, I was supposed to be treating myself to a relaxing spa day, thinking it would be a great way to unwind. That was until the massage therapist somehow gave me a "reverse" massage that left me sore in places I didn’t know could get sore. I paid for this torture, and now I can’t even walk properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 118