The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 216

Good question

By fuck you pikachu! - 18/07/2022 00:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out the rumors are true: my girlfriend is in fact cheating on me. I’m not sure what’s worse, the fact that she got busted for sex in a public park, or the fact that they’ve met up there several times to play Pokémon Go. Is that even a thing anymore?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 230

Kamikaze

By Hot Dog - 29/12/2022 09:00

Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 246

I'm horny, horny horny horny…

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, my husband chose to masturbate. I'm not getting laid for the forth night in a row, because initiating sex is too hard for him. Just once, I want to not have to initiate or flat out beg for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 294

By Ladyfarquard - 21/07/2019 04:03

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 569

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

By Anonymous - 19/03/2021 02:01

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 129

Nice try, kiddo

By Anonymous - 12/07/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my 9 year-old son actually thought he could blackmail me for money and an Xbox with a very badly photoshopped picture of me in bed with Hermione from the Harry Potter films. My wife thinks this is hilarious, but I’m worried if he’s doing this at 9, what will he be doing at 18? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 251

Booty-full

By Enya - 26/07/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, the guy from college my sister set me up with told me I'm too nice to continue lying to. Turns out he's one of my sister's booty calls and she bribed him to go on a date with me so I'd stop being so miserable and depressing. Apparently he didn't want to take me out, so the bribe was she'd let him do butt stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 168

Are you taking the piss?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 14:00

Today, I was being drug tested as part of a pre-employment policy for substitute teaching. Once I had peed in the cup enough to pass the line, I put it on the only available space: the toilet paper holder. Trying to get toilet paper, I knocked the cup over, spilling pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 931

Plans

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 02:30

Today, we saw a woman with two out-of-control children. As we walked away, my husband said to me, “Disgusting, I’m glad we’re never having children.” News to me, he'd always said he wanted a kid before we married. An uncomfortable conversation is imminent, damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 226

This Is Us

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 16:59

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 239

Bizarre love triangle

By too close for comfort - 19/02/2023 02:00

Spicy

Today, my guy friend told me he wanted to try being with another guy. I told him I’d help him anyway I could. Who knew his “help” was him wanting me (a woman) to help him get hard since he couldn’t get it up for the guy? Guess not letting him grope me or jerk him off meant I’m unsupportive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 271

Caring

By Anonymous - 18/03/2020 08:09

Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 131

Dirty girl

By Alyssa - 28/08/2019 04:00 - United States - Macon

Today, at church, while everyone was shaking hands and saying, “Peace be with you” to one another, a man took out hand sanitizer and washed his hands after he shook mine. And only mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 248

Ups and downs

By Kirstie Campbell - 08/06/2020 08:08

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 206

Genetics

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 17:00

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 355

Time to call it quits

By Anonymous - 20/11/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, marks the sixth month in a row my husband of two years refuses to have sex with me. I've shaved everything, I lost weight to try to be more shapely, I do more chores, work, and go to school. I can't even get him erect with a BJ. I don't know what else to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 156

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 12/01/2023 04:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend, whom I live with, has been having an emotional affair with two other women, both ex-girlfriends. He's been sexting them during our one and a half year relationship, and even brought me up in their conversations, about how I'm not hotter than them and how they can suck his c**k better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 247

Role model

By thanks sis - 03/07/2020 05:02

Today, I went over to visit my sister. She had a bunch of pictures of me on her wall. I thought it was sweet, but a bit odd. Turns out she looks at pictures of me to motivate herself whenever she doesn’t feel like working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 370

Biphobia is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 06:01

Today, I’m bisexual. My straight friends think it’s a phase and I should just "pick one". My LGBTQ friends think I’m straight and should stop "posing". I’m regularly accused of trying to steal people's partners or asked to join marital threesomes. Can’t I just be a regular person? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 457

Stinky

By Carolina R-h - 18/06/2019 16:30

Today, my 2-year-old woke up from her nap with a full diaper, then decided to climb down from her bed and got stuck under the railing, leaving a stinky trail of poop everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 261

Whack-a-Mole

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 02:01

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 302

Highlight of the wedding

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 22:00

Today, despite his promise not to, my dad got completely shitfaced at my wedding reception. When we found him, he was passed out on the toilet with his pants down, penis out, and he’d shit all over himself, the toilet, and the floor. I thought I could trust him just this once, but now he’s dead to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 204

Move!

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 04:01

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 138

Fire…?

By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 171

By Not Supportive - 19/05/2019 16:06

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous so I, not thinking, made comments that included the words "killing", "dying" and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 588

Late late late

By Lady Julia KaNeko - 20/06/2019 18:15 - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 478

A teachable moment

By rickshaw rider - 28/05/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my son and my wife’s daughter “experimenting” with each other’s privates. They’re not blood related and they are teenagers, so it’s maybe not too bad, but they’ve been raised together since they were roughly about 5 years-old, so it’s still too weird to really understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 230

Lrn 2 Read

By in love with a nerd - 02/09/2019 22:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 260

Reminder

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 22:00

Spicy

Today, my wife refuses to sleep with me anymore because it turns out I’m the spitting image of her dad when he abandoned the family when she was a 10. Even I think the resemblance is spooky but now she can’t even think of sex with me without feeling physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 155

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The Top

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801 044

You deserved it 66 005

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 267 646

You deserved it 90 960

Random

Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 543

You deserved it 3 228

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When I showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire staff was there, greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says "you suck" more than being "that guy" at your job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 172

You deserved it 6 308

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 055

You deserved it 4 328

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 144

Today, I burped and sneezed during a job interview, I don’t think they were impressed by my talents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 253

Today, I got home, stripped down to my underwear, and laid on the couch. The cat came up, then started meowing loudly at me and bit my sides and legs until I put on sweats and a t-shirt. I now have a cat-enforced dress code. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 170