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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 625

Alexa, play "Rent" by Pet Shop Boys

By Anonymous - 29/12/2021 08:01

Today, I demanded to know why my boyfriend even stays with me if he’s not interested in marriage or children, hates my family, barely talks to me when he gets home, and seems uninterested in sex. Apparently, the cheap rent on my flat was his sole interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 313

It's called fashion Susan, look it up

By Anonymous - 16/07/2020 23:01

Today, I thought it'd be funny to give my younger brother a wedgie. I found the thong I thought I'd lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 445

By thefuckedupbunny - 18/08/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 911

Trust

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I'm so confused. My husband had a vasectomy years ago, yet a bunch of symptoms and five pregnancy tests all say I’m pregnant. I’ve never cheated on him, but if a baby suddenly appears, there’s no way he won’t think I’m a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 218

And today, on Dr Phil…

By pretty poly - 10/11/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 4 663

Nitpicking

By ebe - 15/05/2019 14:08

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 169

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 195

By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/06/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 177

Paaaaaaarty!

By Boyufd - 16/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 204

Get on with it

By InnocenceBlue - 31/07/2019 12:00

Today, I finally managed to get my electrician boyfriend to agree to replace our old lights, after a year of asking. Saturday, he couldn't be bothered and Sunday he came down with a mysterious man flu. This is about the 10th time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 357

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 11:01

Today, my dad said he hates gay people. My parents don't know I'm gay. I'm a high school senior. I wish I could just have someone to love and to love me, I just feel so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 2 176

By lunchbox2353 - 30/07/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 399

Stoners of the world unite!

By Andy - 04/04/2020 23:00

Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 207

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 20:02

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 280

Manipulation

By Willow McGarrigle - 04/06/2020 23:00

Today, my ex, who I only dated for 3 months, told me the only reason why he dated me was because he thought my sister was hot, and he just wanted to get closer to her. So thank you for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 156

Judgement day

By Anonymous - 28/05/2022 04:00

Today, I found texts between my wife and her boyfriend making fun of me. They would sext right before my wife would be with me so she could think of him. She brags about how she picks random fights with me, stalks me, withholds sex, and calls our son names as well. I cannot wait to present these screenshots during our divorce hearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 130

Compassionate

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 14:01

Today, my mom died of COVID. As I was crying in her hospital room, my husband asked if it was OK for him to leave to take a business call, and our daughter asked if she could leave because she was bored and wanted to meet her boyfriend at a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 154

Rush hour

By lateforwork - 02/09/2019 14:00

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 259

To each their own

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, taking a piss still gives me more pleasure than masturbation or sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 299

Creepy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 02:04

Today, I found out what my son has been celebrating. Apparently, his boss caught him smoking weed and fired him, then had a massive stroke and now has the IQ of a potato, so my son just kept turning up to work since his boss hadn’t had the time to tell anyone he was fired, or to fill out any paperwork. My son is scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 454

Trip Advisor rating: 5 turds

By cacheson - 05/03/2020 03:02

Today, I checked into a hotel for a work trip. When I walked in, the sheets and bath mat were stained, and there was soap-encrusted hair stuck in my folded towel. When I got back later in the day, all my stuff was gone because they apparently thought I'd checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 137

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 726

Hangry

By Oops - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bakewell

Today, I had a hotdog. I thought the skin was a bit tough but ate it anyway. After reading the packaging later I found out that each hotdog has an individual plastic wrapper. I ate plastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 4 221

Wear your masks

By Breath of fresh air - 03/08/2020 17:01

Today, after 3 months of no Coronavirus in my state, two stupid cunts have to failed to self-isolate and restarted the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 390

By Mina - 08/05/2019 14:00

Today, my son came home from school with a catastrophically bad report card. When I asked him for an explanation, he replied, "I'm hesitating between 'family environment' and 'heredity'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 337

Where's my dog?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 144

Mess incoming

By Anonymous - 14/10/2019 16:00

Today, my apartment management notified me that my water was going to be shut off all day so they could fix the plumbing. I took a laxative last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 180

How to make a sociopath

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 14:00

Today, I went to my job as an aide for first-grade students. I went home with a swollen face after my student punched me because I was, "making the timer go too fast" and he wanted more iPad time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 169

Graded

By HDcashier - 24/04/2020 17:00

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 752

You deserved it 223

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The Top

Today, I read a PostSecret that said, "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 951

You deserved it 11 997

Today, my husband and I were talking about names for our expectant child. I told him since I named our daughter he could name our son. He's decided on a name from 'God of War'. My son is going to be named after a make-believe cartoon character - Kratos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 593

You deserved it 31 999

Random

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 600

You deserved it 7 520

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 976

You deserved it 4 812

Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 131

You deserved it 384

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 389

You deserved it 603

Today, I decided to be nice and do the laundry for the whole family. Apparently, all the guys in the family have skid marks on both the back AND THE FRONT of their underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 152

Today, my girlfriend finally showed me the porn she likes to watch. Amputees were involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 269