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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Dom - 31/05/2019 12:00

Today, I proposed to the girl I have known for a while, since our Dads have worked together for 40 years. After I rang my Dad to tell him the good news, he told me that there was a position open at work, which had belonged to her Dad. My Dad had to fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 143

By NotTodaySatan - 07/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 337

Jealousy

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 08:00

Today, my girlfriend broke my Xbox while I was playing Warzone. She said she heard me playing with another girl, and accused me of cheating. It was just the A.I. saying, "Copy, I’m on it." Anyone selling an Xbox One? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 266

Pampered

By Anonymous - 11/05/2020 02:00

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 151

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By ygrowup2fast - 23/04/2020 17:00

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 296

Pay up

By redheadmess - 20/07/2020 02:01

Today, my grandfather sent me a bill from when I had to live with him in foster care. I apparently owe him 62k for shampoo, food, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 121

By Milk Dispenser - 12/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Herriman

Today, breastfeeding my infant has become so automatic that when my dog nuzzled up against me while I was sleeping, I lifted up my shirt and unhooked my nursing bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 393

Art

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was at my job as a fitting room attendant and I checked a woman and her young son in. After several minutes, they left, saying there was lipstick on the mirror. Not only was it all over two mirrors, but also on the wall, the floor and the carpet. The whole place smelled of lip-balm and I was left to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 192

By B1N - 15/04/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 232

Classic

By Armando - 24/05/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, my now-ex fiancée actually took another man’s penis out of her mouth and had the audacity to shout, “Babe, it’s not what it looks like!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 160

The Fall

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 219

Geyser

By gingerbread - 18/12/2017 15:00 - Armenia - Yerevan

Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 3 762

Spider-Maaaaaaan

By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 008

You deserved it 290

And next on The Voice…

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out I have a bad singing voice. How? The choir judge decided to yell "STOP! Please just stop!" During my solo. In front of everyone. During the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 24/05/2019 20:07

Today, I spilled grape juice on my new white shirt. I bleached it and scrubbed it until there was nothing left to see. I threw it on, ready to dart out of the door, when my dad walks in after fixing the lawnmower and puts his greasy hand right on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 175

By Stigmamma - 12/05/2019 04:00

Today, my 12-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter sprayed themselves with a ton of deodorant and perfume respectively. The two clouds of spray have combined into a noxious gas that slowly traveled through the house, giving everybody an instant, massive headache. Everybody, except my son and daughter. They think they smell great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 264

Cheapskate suds

By itchyitch - 30/10/2019 14:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, it turns out the beautiful, "organic" artisanal soap my boyfriend gave me actually came from the 99 cents store. He just wrapped it in some cellophane and gave it to me. I’m currently itching to death from the godawful rash and hives it gave me. I may need to go to the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 256

In a galaxy far, far away

By fuck Star Wars! - 31/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a massive argument. I suggested we have a movie night. He suggested an all day/night Star Wars marathon. I’d be OK, if it wasn’t for the fact that we’ve done that at least five times in the last two months. He says I’m the one being unfair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 007

You deserved it 239

Size Queen

By Jenson - 17/11/2020 20:05 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 199

Parenting fail

By Anonymous - 21/01/2020 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 555

By DroppedTheSoap - 25/04/2019 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 340

Dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 255

Crash

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 006

You deserved it 886

Vicious

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 08:08

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years after finally realizing I'm a lesbian. He then outed me to my very religious and conservative family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 987

RIP in peace

By Janice - 03/01/2019 12:00

Today, while working as a bank teller, a woman came in with a $100k check. I commented, "Wow, I really could do with one of these!" She responded, "It's a life insurance check. I'd rather have my son back," and teared up in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 3 982

Captain Dumbass

By Anonymous - 26/05/2020 05:00

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 585

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 04/08/2019 22:00

Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 005

You deserved it 298

Denied

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 391

You're not alone

By seachelle - 07/05/2019 20:00

Today, the guy I've been seeing posted on social media about having relationship problems and arguments with his girl. I've been in the hospital for surgery for the past few days and have been unable to talk to him. Before this, he told me I was the only one. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 140

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The Top

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 235 111

You deserved it 26 148

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 884

You deserved it 2 668

Random

Today, I realized that if you are dreaming that you have diarrhea, you probably have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 091

You deserved it 4 426

Today, at the water park, my grandmother's boob slipped out. Every time I close my eyes, I see her dangling breast in my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 308

You deserved it 2 908

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 583

You deserved it 3 804

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 478

You deserved it 4 031

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 584

You deserved it 596

Today, I was that person in the pharmacy that held the line up for 25 minutes. When I got home, I realized I left my prescriptions in the shopping cart in the store's parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 781

You deserved it 1 909