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By jokersgirl - 21/05/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 366

You deserved it 911

By nightfall8705 - 16/08/2017 13:05

Today, I snuck up behind my cousin and stole his drink. I took a sip, laughed and said, "haha, I got your drink!" He turned around with a giant, oozing cold sore on his lip and said, "haha, you got mouth herpes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 7 109

nightfall8705 tells us more.

nightfall8705 33

Wednesday 16 August 2017 0:28

Actually, it's not stolen, it really did happen, and it happened because my cousin is a thieving turd and needed a taste of his own medicine. And no I didn't actually touch the cup with my mouth so I don't have the mouth herpes. The more you know.

By Caz - 10/09/2018 20:30

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 365

You deserved it 1 353

By Anonymous - 12/06/2019 02:10

Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 265

Call the FBI on her ass

By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 03:11

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 203

By Bawsack - 06/04/2017 00:00

Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 3 154

Oh, so sexy

By quarantine15 - 28/04/2020 14:00

Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 739

Exercise One

By blah - 02/06/2020 23:00

Today, while cuddling with my boyfriend, he started humping my leg and said, "I'm gonna hump the fatness out of you and make you beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 451

By Anonymous Baker - 10/06/2019 04:43

Today, I got a write-up because I told my boss that it was impossible to have pies, which have a bake time of 1 hour, ready for a customer who wanted them in the next 15 to 20 minutes. Then, when the customer got there and the pies were still in the oven, I got a second write-up for wasting time. FML