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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Alup132 - 11/09/2018 22:00

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 14/09/2018 01:30

Today, I was texting with my childhood crush late at night and we were exchanging secrets. I figured this was as good a time as any to tell her about my long-standing crush on her. Turns out she's a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 363

The man don't give a ****

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Spicy

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people, hoping to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 490

By Anonymous - 15/08/2018 20:30

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 457

By Anonymous - 11/12/2018 22:00

Today I saw a picture of my ex giving her new boyfriend an extremely familiar ring. Upon zooming in, I realized that it was the engagement ring i gave her that she claimed to have had stolen from her home... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 184

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/09/2018 23:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 793

You deserved it 289

Not funny, man

By ChristinaGee - 30/12/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 415

By Anonymous - 04/04/2017 09:07

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 497

By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bathroom, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 351

By unemployed - 09/11/2018 15:30

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 402

Take what you can get

By Trim for now - 22/01/2022 01:59

Spicy

Today, after months of getting shockingly more action from my girlfriend then at any point in our last 6 months together, I found out I’m getting more because she cut back on her formerly unmentioned husband’s “access.” Apparently, he refuses to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 407

Bisexual!

By Anonymous - 25/11/2019 14:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 791

You deserved it 284

By castironstomach - 03/10/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my daughter will literally eat until she is sick to keep her father and brothers from getting her dessert. I also learned that my boys are sympathetic vomiters. All five of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 394

By Notarealwaifu - 02/11/2018 05:00 - Japan - Kunitachi

Today, after a 3-month dry spell and countless rejections, I gave up on being intimate with my girlfriend. Imagine my surprise when she came on to me and took me to bed. What triggered the love-making? Apparently she got horny from looking at an anime character's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 317

By lk07 - 03/11/2018 05:00

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 345

By caly - 12/11/2018 22:32 - United States

Today, while at my mom’s house, my mom told me that I need to seriously curb my food intake. Then I went to my dad’s house and he told me I need to gain weight. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 187

By behold the Underminer - 14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 786

You deserved it 151

By nubs - 27/09/2018 15:30

Today, my dad wants a divorce. I can either stay with my wine-loving mom or move 300 km away with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 188

By outplayed - 01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 2 564

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 07/01/2019 14:00

Spicy

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 941

Weird dude

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 314

By Keira McArthur - 25/12/2018 20:00

Today, my car fob died on me when I was going to get donations because my house burnt down two days ago, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 785

You deserved it 311

Intruders!

By wtf babe? - 29/06/2020 14:02

Today, I came home to find my husband allowed several of his family members to move in without even asking me. His parents are in the spare room, his brother and wife are in my den and they expect me to make my daughter share her bed with two older cousins. I’m ready to take the kids and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 783

You deserved it 174

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Spicy

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 645

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 911

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 286

Deep-seated resentment

By Boyufd - 14/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out why my dad doesn't want my girlfriend coming to our house anymore. Apparently, her dad used to bully him a lot during high school and he's never gotten over it. He's threatened to disown me if she comes back over here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 290

By Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 782

You deserved it 781

By winner winner chicken dinner - 26/09/2018 05:00

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 781

You deserved it 639

Animal

By Anonymous - 22/05/2017 12:00

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 781

You deserved it 4 718

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Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 170

You deserved it 42 289

Today, my hair straightener broke. My husband suggested putting electrical tape on it because it was heat proof. I did and started straightening my hair. The supposed heat proof tape melted and got stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 351

You deserved it 34 852

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 540

You deserved it 3 562

Today, I got up early and really put some extra effort into my appearance to catch the eye of a cute guy at work. I walked in and the woman who sits at the desk beside me looks over and says, "Wow, are you sick? You're not looking too good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 319

You deserved it 4 938

Today, after getting sick of my boyfriend pestering me for a threesome, I invited a male friend over. My boyfriend strongly declined, because, "Hell no, I ain’t gay." So this man expects me to be a lesbian, but him being gay is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 352

Today, I was trying to back up my messaging information on an app so if it ever got deleted I wouldn’t lose all my information. It ended up glitching out and erasing all my contacts and messages. Now I can’t even message back the guy I like that I’m not ignoring him. There goes that relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 184