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Five second rule

By Sore - 04/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I tried to get a Chloraseptic tablet for my sore throat. As soon as I put it in my mouth, I got the urge to sneeze. When I sneezed, the force of the sneeze caused me to accidentally spit it out… right into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 104

Don't worry, we don't snitch here!

By Anonymous - 22/08/2025 21:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my so-called friend snitched to the teachers that I was the admin of the school confessions page and I got scolded after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 145

Seasonal depression

By Anonymous - 27/12/2025 20:00

Today, I was speaking with my therapist about future romantic endeavors. I'm currently separating from my husband of three years. I feel it's unlikely I will ever date again, and I've developed a phobia of sex over the past year. It's so severe that I cannot even masturbate. Destined to die alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 145

Overenthusiastic

By Jeremy - 25/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at the gym trying out the rowing machine. On my first pull, I leaned too far back, lost my balance, and launched myself straight off the seat. I landed on the mat behind me while people around me pretended not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 159

Brainrot

By Tired mom - 18/10/2025 00:00

Today, I came home from work to a shouting match between my husband and my teenage son. What were they so riled up about? I'm still not quite sure. Something about the podcaster who was shot recently, and whether his wife is now "grifting" or not. I actually used the phrase, "Go outside and touch grass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 94

Soda Pop

By Anonymous - 28/08/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's 1:30 in the goddamn morning and I can’t sleep because my boyfriend is so obsessed with KPop Demon Hunters that he's in bed next to me listening to the songs with his headphones at full volume. He might actually be addicted, as he says he physically can’t make himself stop listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 91

Marked

By Anonymous - 29/10/2025 03:00

Today, I learned that bunnies mark for territory. And when I say mark, they do a 360 no scope piss and spray everything all over the walls. The smell is horrendous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 121

Hey dude!

By Creepy stranger danger - 11/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 112

Accelerated obsolescence

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my cellphone charger suddenly stopped working. I had it for less than 6 months and I don't do anything crazier than unplug the phone when I want to go out and plug it back in. The phone and outlet work perfectly, the inputs are clean, and the charger had excellent ratings from over 2,000 people on Amazon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 116

Burn or drown?

By Xenocide - 25/12/2025 03:00

Today, I almost burned down my speakers. How, you ask? Well, some asshole at the party (I was the DJ) decided to trip me as I walked to the stage, causing me to knock my speakers into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 86

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 04/10/2025 03:00

Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 283

The opposite of Stars Hollow

By Anonymous - 01/03/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I recently moved to a new place. People around me here have been ignoring me from day one. It feels awkward and embarrassing to not get response when i talk to them. I'm an extrovert but still I can't cope up with this behavior. It's like they are observing my moves, and it's kind of creepy too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 160

Welcome!

By Yudith - 11/10/2025 15:00

Today, I was expecting lizards, spiders, and weird local insects in my hotel room. What I got was a cockroach on my toothbrush. A very tiny cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 57

My smol bean baby

By Heather05 - 11/11/2025 15:00

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and politely asked if I could keep my “crying baby” quiet at night. I live alone. I don’t even have a baby. I have a cat. A very dramatic, needy, attention-hungry cat who yelps when I close any door or leave her eyesight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 140

Bad start, bad end

By Sarah - 02/01/2026 00:00

Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 63

Old boy

By Anonymous - 19/01/2026 20:00

Today, I visited my girlfriend’s family in Louisiana and her grandmother told her Pawpaw was still alive. Was it a neighbor or relative. Nope, a 60 year-old 12-foot alligator in the river behind their house. He actually came like a dog when she whistled. Scared the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 73

Nervous Nelly

By Anonyme - 15/02/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview and, trying to sound confident, I shook the interviewer’s hand and said, "Nice to meet me." I didn’t get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 205

Classic

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I met my new boss and went for a confident handshake. Somehow, we both missed completely and ended up awkwardly grabbing each other’s thumbs. Neither of us corrected it, so we just shook hands like we were in a masonic lodge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 108

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 13:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 126

Are you OK my dude?

By Hell naw - 13/08/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I got into my car in the parking lot, or at least I thought I did. I sat down, buckled up, and only noticed something was off when a guy walked over from the shopping trolley carousel, opened the passenger door and said, “Can I help you?” Same car model, wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 132

Nervous

By Z…… - 08/05/2025 04:00 - China

Today, I went to the hospital for constant dizziness and insomnia, and was diagnosed with anxiety. I figured out that the main source of my anxiety is not my job but my boyfriend, who has avoidant personality, which makes him constantly refuse almost everything that I request. He's a guy who just doesn't know how to show his love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 220

Brutal truth

By Anonymous - 20/11/2025 12:00

Today, I showed my grandma my new haircut. She squinted for a moment and said, “Oh honey, it’ll grow back.” I said, “So you don’t like it?” She shrugged and said, “I’m just glad you’re confident enough to leave the house like that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 93

Life on the North Pole

By Late for work (at least I had an excuse) - 11/12/2025 22:00

Today, after a snowstorm, I went to start my car early in the morning for work. The door was frozen solid, so I had to jimmy it open with a screwdriver. Then, as I started to drive off, my foot slipped off the clutch and the car stalled out. The battery was too weak to start it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 80

Thanks not given much

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 20:00

Today, I sadly woke to a realization: Even on Thanksgiving and my baby girl's birthday, their dad's idea of a family day is constantly sitting there "trying to feel less sick" and just ignore us all, or as he says it, "time is all out" and playing Pokemon GO. Awesome. If I say anything, he threatens to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 128

Hydrated pinkies

By Anonymous - 09/03/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we went for a foot massage. My wife found it incredibly relaxing; I just found it weird that a complete stranger seemed to be trying to give each of my toes its own handjob. Plus they used so much moisturiser that it made the inside of my shoes feel like squishy mud all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 137

Just out of curiosity, where is this place exactly?

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 11:00 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my wife and kids to visit some of my favorite hiking trails while visiting my hometown. It would’ve been great, had it not been for the fact that several horny perverts think fucking outside is a great idea. We stumbled upon at least three couples out in the open before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 112

You never know

By Anonymous - 16/08/2025 21:00 - United States - Ballston Spa

Today, a woman came up to my cash register, where I was struggling with the cash, and asked if we took cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 108

Babe

By Anonymous - 13/11/2025 09:00

Today, after I had third date sex with a guy I really like, he ended up sleeping over. This morning we woke up, showered together, had breakfast, and he admitted to me he couldn’t remember my name because he currently has four women on the go and forgot which one I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 130

Work is a four-letter word

By Anonymous - 02/01/2026 22:00

Today, I am so paranoid from being bullied at work, I need time off. But because of the bullying, I am too paranoid to take leave. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 148

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - 30/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent practically an hour practicing my acceptance speech in front of the mirror after being nominated for "Employee of the Month." It turns out that they were just reading the names alphabetically, and I wasn’t even in the top five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 215

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was at a karaoke bar. After a few drinks, I gave it a go. Halfway through “Total Eclipse of the Heart” I got so into it, I knocked over the mic stand. The mic flew off, hit the DJ, who then hit the emergency stop button, cutting off the music. I froze as the bar erupted into laughter. I did get a free Coke for my “performance,” which was something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 202

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 266

Today, I have an ear infection. I was resting outside when my young neighbor flew his RC plane right into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 149

You deserved it 1 290

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 498

You deserved it 1 037

Today, my Tinder date said it wasn’t gonna work, all because, I “need to lose some extra pounds.” Last week, I'd had another Tinder date and he told me he’d continue seeing me if I dropped at least 30 pounds. I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 431

Today, I sold a dresser on OfferUp. When I arrive at the customer’s house to deliver it and discussed the payment, she got upset and called me a selfish, greedy bitch because she’s a "single mom on food stamps." She berated me to the point of tears. I left without getting my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 679