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Not feeling it

By BuyersRemorse - 01/10/2025 20:00

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 350

I mean, come on…

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 20:00

Today, I went to see a movie but took my phone out a few times to check my socials. Apparently the asshole behind me didn’t like that, because he ripped my phone out of my hands, dropped it in my soda, then just sat back in his seat like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 1 291

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 08/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I sent a screenshot of my ex’s new partner to my best friend with a caption saying, “She looks like a melted candle.” Of course, I sent it directly to my ex. He replied with, “She’s right next to me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 621

Plans for the weekend?

By Anonymous - 16/12/2025 09:00

Today, my boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife was supposed to go on a trip with her sister, so I came over for the weekend while she was gone. She came home saying she’s not going anymore because her sister cancelled. I had to wait inside a hot closet for 4 hours hungry as fuck until I could escape when she was showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 1 129

My love language is gibberish

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I tried to sweet talk my crush by texting them in Spanish using Google Translate. I wanted to say, “You look amazing today,” but it translated to something like, “Your fish smells weird today.” They responded with a confused emoji and “¿Qué?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 372

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 17/04/2025 06:00 - Australia

Today, I tried to sneak home from work 15 minutes early. I kept Teams open on my phone to remain “active”, but in doing so, accidentally group-video-called my whole team while walking out at 4:45pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 681

The heart wants…

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my smartwatch notified me that my heart rate spiked at the same time as my partner was getting me to listen to her favourite band's favorite song, and she took it as I sign that we must like the same music, and that we are so compatible. What she doesn't know is that I was checking my ex’s social media on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 815

Carry that weight

By Sally - 16/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping on his back for a piggyback ride. He wasn’t expecting it. We both ended up on the floor, and I owe him a new pair of glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 734

Can't take my eyes off you

By Pauly - 26/12/2025 22:00

Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 487

Wankers!

By Whoops - 28/06/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

Today, I visited a friend at work with a couple of other friends. We like to play pranks, so we went to his register and started loudly discussing our masturbation habits as a joke. Some bitch complained, and his boss fired him and kicked us all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 177

I wonder…

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 09:00

Today, I was talking with my Grandma, who lives on the opposite side of the state, and congratulated her on reaching 87. She said she was hoping to reach 90. My brain went in a very morbid direction as I quietly wondered if she'd live to 90. She didn't hear it but my dad, her son, did. Apologizing didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 394

Dank

By Anonymous - 19/02/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a weird smell in my apartment. I checked everywhere but couldn’t find the source. After a while, I discovered the smell was coming from the pile of laundry I'd left in the corner, laundry that I thought was clean. It was the gym clothes I'd thrown in there three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 623

Rageposting

By Fxchi - 04/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I saw that the girl who used to sleep with everyone in high school got engaged. I commented on her post, “How did a girl who was easier to get into than community college get a ring?” She replied, “Because I kept my body in shape, unlike you, have a quality day!” Her comment got 43 likes. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 980

I'm never going outside again

By Cringed to death - 15/12/2025 20:00

Today, in a crowded store, I waved at someone who looked familiar. The woman frowned, looked behind her, then back at me, and said, “Do I know you?” I panicked and said, “Yes… spiritually?” She walked away faster than I’ve ever seen flee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 385

I'm confuddled

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 03:00

Today, I once again tried to purchase a membership for a hiking adventure club. I ended up purchasing the same annual membership for the third time. They have already helped me recover my funds once. These people are never going to want to go hiking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 432

That's a bad look

By Mortified - 30/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, I renamed my home Wi-Fi to “PleaseTalkToMeSarah” to hint to my crush/neighbour. Later, I realized the whole apartment building could see it, and had worked out who it belonged to. Now strangers keep asking if Sarah had talked to me yet. She hasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 758

Oh shit

By TGIF - 09/11/2025 00:00

Today, I received a package labeled “Confidential.” Excited, I opened it in front of my coworkers, thinking it was a PR gift. It was the new toilet seat I'd mistakenly sent to my work address instead of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 454

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 22:00

Today, I had a dentist appointment and walked into what looked like the clinic but it was a dental lab. Two technicians were polishing dentures so I asked where Dr. Patel’s office was. They pointed me down a corridor as if it explained why I’d just sat in their reception reading outdated magazines for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 311

Don't hate the player…

By Bugggo - 19/03/2025 10:00 - United States

Today, my girl bestie, who I secretly have a crush on, sent me a screenshot of my girlfriend tagging me on a Facebook post, saying, “So when were you planning on telling me you have a girlfriend?” I fucking told my girlfriend not to tag me on shit in social media but she did it anyway. Now my bestie won’t talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 1 608

Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 1 842

Stop!

By Anonymous - 03/07/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to take a nice picture of my dad but he was just doing stupid-looking poses, so I got mad and told him to "stop acting like a prostitute" without knowing what that even means. Keep in mind, this was also in front of my mum and oldest sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 661

Lactose intolerant

By ClintBEASTw00d - 19/08/2025 03:00 - Canada - Surrey

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 534

All natural glow

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I made a homemade face mask with turmeric, honey, lemon, and a few other organic ingredients. I let the mixture sit, then washed it off. It stained my face so bright yellow I look like I’m either suffering from a terrible case of jaundice or auditing for a live action Simpson’s movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 548

Beware!

By MomOfTheYear - 28/04/2025 03:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I took my toddler to a petting zoo and warned her not to stick her fingers in the goat pen. Two minutes later, I stuck my finger in to pet one, and it bit me. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, “See? I told you.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 654

Stolen valor!

By Anonymous - 23/11/2025 03:00

Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 398

Insecure

By Anonymous - 22/01/2026 15:00

Today, my husband went on a boys' night but I found his wedding ring on the nightstand so I confronted him when he got home. He was wearing his ring. What I had was a brass olive ring for plumbing so now I look like a jealous idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 554

Admiral Ackbar didn't warn you?

By Anonymous - 23/06/2025 06:00 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I was stalking my crush's sister's account and I checked her family highlight. Little did I know, she had my ass out for a treat. Tell me why I felt like those cartoon rats falling into those mouse trap. SHE HAD A HIGHLIGHT TRAP! My crush ended up texting me, "Are you stalking my sister?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 590

Welcome back!

By Sorry... - 09/11/2025 20:00

Today, my husband was coming back after three weeks away for work. I was ready to surprise him when he walked in, but the cat took a foul shit in the litter box and the smell stressed me out so much that the first thing he heard was, "Clean the cat box!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 538

Check where you're posting

By Lauren - 18/01/2026 09:00

Today, I typed a vulnerable “I miss you” text to my ex at 1 a.m., stared at it, and meant to delete it. Instead I hit send… to our old family group chat, which still had his mother and my aunt in it. My phone blew up with dumb sympathy, a single eggplant emoji from my cousin, and a lecture from his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 434

WTF?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2025 09:00 - Philippines

Today, with a nagging feeling about my girlfriend cheating on me, I decided to look through her phone. She walked in on me, and before I could come up with an excuse, she rolled her eyes and said, "Go ahead. The only things I have to hide are saucy pics of Darth Maul." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 750

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, on our honeymoon, we’ve only had sex twice. Meanwhile, my husband has masturbated to porn at least once a day since we've got here, and it’s super obvious because he gets sleepy as hell after sex or a wank, while I’m left frustrated with nothing to do except watch Netflix and start drinking before noon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 196

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 536

You deserved it 4 604

We can't even give an A for effort...

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 101

Today, I went to my new dentist to get my teeth cleaned. He kept getting distracted, causing him to repeatedly stab me in the gums. He then had the nerve to tell me that I need to brush more, due to how I was bleeding just from his "routine examination". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 175

You deserved it 1 736

Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 82

Today, I was at dentist to get impressions made. The hygienist put way too much of the plaster stuff on the press. She put it in my mouth and asked if I was okay, I shook my head no and promptly vomited. It sat at the back of my throat and I could not spit it out until the plaster hardened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 829

You deserved it 3 016