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How to make it awkward for everyone

By Anonymous - 09/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I got a haircut at a fancy salon and made small talk with the stylist. While she washed my hair, I said, “Wow, this is better than my girlfriend does it.” She replied, “That’s because I’m a professional. Also, I’m your girlfriend’s cousin.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 454

Packed in

By Anonymous - 10/08/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was on a packed bus when my phone rang. I tried to answer, but my wired earbuds got tangled. I tugged too hard, yanking my phone out of my hand. It flew forward, smacked a man in the forehead, then bounced into a stranger’s coffee cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 345

Better safe than sorry

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 23:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 86

Care more, you monster!

By Trap Gunner - 23/08/2025 15:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my mom cussed me out because I'm "the only one who didn't really care," I "didn't try hard enough" to find a hospital to accommodate my older sister's (and her beloved little baby's) condition. I tried over 20 hospitals, and those that had an MRI facility couldn't take her because of the mere fact that she wouldn't fit in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 79

Overenthusiastic

By Jeremy - 25/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at the gym trying out the rowing machine. On my first pull, I leaned too far back, lost my balance, and launched myself straight off the seat. I landed on the mat behind me while people around me pretended not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 159

Nope, no thanks

By Alone - 26/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, three members of my five-person polycule moved away, leaving myself and one other girl. I really liked her, so I was okay… until she split because she "didn't want to be in a boring straight relationship." FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 384

Losing it

By Anonymous - 30/08/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just like my mother, except she got hers in her 70’s after she lived a life. Mine is early onset so I’m losing my mind in my 30’s and I’ve done nothing with my life except work to afford rent and my next meal. I don’t even have a wife or kids damn it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 90

Great advice

By Toxic masculinity - 03/09/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my son told me he liked a girl at school. I told him to be extra sweet to her, carry her bag, and make every day brighter for her. My husband snorted and said, "That's simp shit. Don't do any of that. Act like a man, and if she's not into you, shrug and move on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 299

Glad to help

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Starbucks, the person behind me started venting about their breakup. I assumed they were on the phone with a friend, so I nodded along. After 5 minutes, I realized they were talking directly to me. I ended up giving relationship advice while holding a frappuccino I didn’t even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 168

Name that tune!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2025 15:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I signed up for karaoke at a bar, thinking I’d picked a fun, easy song. When it started playing, I realized I'd unknowingly chosen the eight-minute extended remix with two full guitar solos. I had to awkwardly sway on stage for five minutes while everyone drank their beers silently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 356

Slacking or what?

By BarneyR - 09/09/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to log into my email at work. Frustrated, I reset my password. As soon as I finished, IT called to remind me that the reason I couldn’t log in was because I was typing my Netflix password the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 379

I have needs

By why - 11/09/2025 20:00

Today, as always, my boyfriend has a micropenis. He found my dildo and started crying because it was bigger than him. I love him to death and would never cheat on him, but sometimes I just need to be filled up. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 136

Revenge tastes good

By Anonymous - 13/09/2025 15:00

Today, I reported my ex-spouse for license suspension after he cheated on me. Not my problem anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 104

So… about that…

By Anonymous - 17/09/2025 03:00

Today, the moment I had been fearing for the past few days arrived: my mom asked me if I knew what a groyper was. I don't know what's worse, that I know what they are, or that trying explain the concept is so convoluted, she now thinks I'm making shit up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 100

Out of it

By Anonymous - 18/09/2025 22:00

Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 304

People are not doing OK right now

By Anonymous - 22/09/2025 12:00

Today, my mom cried while watching the Charlie Kirk memorial on TV. She has been sharing terrible AI videos on social media with the guy saying stuff he never said when he was alive. She didn't cry at all when my dad, her husband of 28 years, died, or even during his funeral. She barely even mentions him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 109

TGIF

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 00:00

Today, I ended a presentation with what I thought would be a mic-drop moment. I said, “Thank you for your time,” clicked the slide remote dramatically, and walked straight into a glass wall instead of the exit door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107

You deserved it 427

So sexy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2025 20:00

Today, I was relaxing in the bath with oils and candles and a new book when my husband burst in with diarrhoea, filled the toilet, polluted the air, and knocked my new book into the bathwater. Then, while washing his hands, he asked if I wanted an oil covered shag. Romantic, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 88

Let's celebrate

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 15:00

Today, my son had a baby so I poured out the last of the bottle of scotch bought by my grandfather around about 1910. There was just enough for two glasses. I took a sip and spat it out, leading to my son confessing that he drank it as a teenager and replaced it with god knows what brown liquid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 98

Do you have no sense of smell?

By Anonymous - 01/10/2025 09:00

Today, I tried to surprise my partner by lighting candles all over the living room. It looked magical… until one candle melted the TV remote into a puddle of plastic. We spent our romantic evening trying to Google “How to change channels without a remote.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 440

Parking lot chaos

By Clumsy - 03/10/2025 03:00

Today, a bag of grapes fell out of my shopping cart in the parking lot. I bent down to grab them, only for the bag to burst open. I ended up chasing runaway grapes across the tarmac, but it's only when a car of strangers started cheering me on that I took the L, gave up the fight, and went back to buy more, but the remaining stock was moldy and shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 90

Bad timing

By Trashed - 04/10/2025 22:00

Today, I'm getting ready to move and so I woke up early to get a bunch of trash to put out. For months our pickup has been so late, it usually happens the next day. Today they came at 6:30 AM, while I was in the bathroom. Nothing was put out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 159

Such a player

By Anonymous - 08/10/2025 12:00

Today, I learned that my long term/long distance (two hours away) boyfriend has had not one, but two regular "girlfriends" closer to his home. He'd told them that we broke up while still coming to visit me weekly. He did stop coming by a few months ago because "work was crazy" but that didn't stop him from sending "pics" though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 84

Hang in there, Mom

By Anonymous - 12/10/2025 00:00

Today, I realized that the root of my depression is that I hate being a mom. l love my two boys but I barely function taking care of myself due to years of abuse. My 6 year-old and 8 month-old have me constantly overstimulated to the point I enjoy nothing anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 164

Leave me alone

By Chandler - 15/10/2025 15:00

Today, at my local pub, I discovered that three equally toxic women were having a contest to see who could take me home first. I'm an emotional (and not very attractive) person who spent the year dealing with a tragic breakup and I don't do hookups. These women know this and STILL waste my time trying to gaslight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 96

On the spot

By Sketchychick - 17/10/2025 09:00

Today, during my first day at my new job, my manager told everyone to “share one fun fact about yourself.” I panicked and blurted out, “I once accidentally washed my passport.” Everyone laughed, which was fine until my boss said, “So that’s why your background check is taking so long?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 74

The Times They Are A-Changin'

By Anonymous - 19/10/2025 22:00

Today, after my dad always telling me that if I went to college then one day I could have a big house, a nice car, a hot wife, and two great kids, the joke's on you Dad. I have a Master's degree and can't afford rent, can’t afford driving lessons, and am single. Also, I've not eaten in two days, because I can’t afford food FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 118

Stranded

By Yudith - 27/10/2025 00:00

Today, I am 9,958 miles away from home, it's 3 pm, and I have to find a store that sells electrical tape because my cats damaged my computer's charging cord back home. I just saw the copper inside the wire and I'm lucky the damn thing didn't catch fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 127

Halloween is near

By Party's Over - 28/10/2025 20:00

Today, like we do every year, we watched a documentary show's annual Halloween special. Everything is set: food, location, the works. Our so-called uber-religious mom, who always opposes to this because it's "inauspicious", right before it started, hijacked the TV to stay in one channel, The 24-Hour Bible Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 88

Scary stuff

By Sam - 01/11/2025 09:00

Today, on Halloween, I received an award for my progress at my drug rehab clinic. I told my mom we should celebrate by going out to eat. Her response? "I got you a turkey sandwich from the hospital cafeteria." Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 134

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The Top

Today, my alcoholic dad finally came to see to my last dance recital after years of never showing up to watch me. He got kicked out of the audience for snoring too loud. I could hear him from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 79

Today, I realised that despite having a full-time job I must really be failing at this adulting business, because I called my dad and the first words out of his mouth were, "I’m not sending you any more money." I do borrow money a lot, and yes I was about to ask for more. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 1 064

Another chance for you to pick your winner of the week. So, who does it for you?

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 133

Today, like every other day, I turn up at work at the security guard's gate to show my ID badge. Except that my brother had stuck a huge "FBI" sticker on it. My co-workers now all call me Mulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 410

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint birthday party with her dog, because it would be the dog's "Big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 2 707

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 149

You deserved it 4 719