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Moment ruined

By Lesbian - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today I took my girlfriend to the cafe where we had our first date, with the intention of proposing. Moments before I took the ring out, some sleazy old guy said, "How are you two fine babes single on a Saturday?" He refused to leave us alone, even when we said we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 426

You deserved it 641

Coincidence plays tricks on us!

By Shadley Chase Teladia - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally got to meet the parents of the girl in which I have been dating for 3 months. I discovered that a month before we started dating, I had a one-night stand with her sister. And a week before that, I had a grinding session with her mother at a bar. No one is saying anything and her father is really bulky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 188

You deserved it 2 261

Opportunist

By Mick - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865 543

You deserved it 95 103

Freaky family

By tkoester - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 394

You deserved it 1 636

Dude…

By 50sStyle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 015

You deserved it 479

Same thing

By fuckel4 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 802

You deserved it 5 571

HELP!

By SeatofIgnorance - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 5 476

Fartmageddon

By dusty bean - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 692

Sexy time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 206

You deserved it 1 779

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 636

You deserved it 370

Biohazard

By seriouslysinglenomingle - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 457

Put those away

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 072

You deserved it 1 907

Been There

By PeppermintPenny - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, a coworker and I had our second date at my place. He wanted to show me pictures of himself in some club, where he had been a member in highschool. He started typing his name into the google search bar and it suggested his name from when I had googled him months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 945

You deserved it 1 609

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 126

You deserved it 1 085

Praise

By Jesusman - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with, "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying, "By him, I mean Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 158

You deserved it 367

Rammed

By StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Radcliff

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 500

You deserved it 2 371

No thanks!

By forever alone - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, during the garter toss at a wedding, all the eligible men yelped and scrambled, evading it like a falling meteor. They apparently wanted to stay single, rather than put it on and dance with the one who caught the bouquet, which was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 016

You deserved it 518

It's coming!

By badmom - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 480

You deserved it 4 914

Shy

By beetregeneration - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Stockton

Today, I was walking to a bathroom on campus before class when my professor walked in behind me. There were two urinals in the bathroom, we walked right up next to each other and unzipped our pants in unison. It became so awkward for me, I actually said out loud, "Nope, too awkward" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 752

You deserved it 1 831

Magical mystery tour

By FranticFarAwayDaughter - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my mother was transferred from the hospital to a long-term care facility. Nobody I talk to at the hospital knows what facility they sent her to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 128

You deserved it 269

How could you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 182

You deserved it 1 088

Dying words

By France Howell - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I rushed my wife to the ER because she was having abdominal pains. She was crying in the car and very faintly said, "If I die, our daughter goes to my sister and they get everything in my will." We later found out she was just having a bad gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 274

You deserved it 414

A whole load of mess

By ChocolateEverywhere - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was at work, my kids had the great idea to make chocolate milk. My husband had the great idea not to clean up the chocolate mix the kids spilled, so the floor got covered in chocolate footprints. The cat then had the great idea to step in the mix, and cover everything else in chocolate paw prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 167

You deserved it 586

Social cues

By oblivious idiot - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 957

You deserved it 7 440

Congrats!

By Congrats? - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 178

You deserved it 1 936

One of those people

By B-Ry - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a date with a girl. The chemistry was just right and she seemed perfect in every way until she staunchly insisted that the earth is flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 886

You deserved it 414

Lingering

By Evjoel - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, whilst making a cake for my kids, I accidentally got some cocoa powder in my nose. Now it feels like my nose is burning stronger than the fires of hell. On the bright side, everything smells like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 943

You deserved it 1 171

Tetchy

By ANON - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, I visited my Aunt in hospital. Another patient got jealous, so she threw a tantrum. She threw things at us, pulled her drip out, threw herself to the floor, screamed, pounded the floor with her fists and pissed herself. My aunt is still waiting for a new room, and the staff blame me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 202

You deserved it 835

Method

By EllieS9311 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Montevallo

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 106

You deserved it 3 188

She'll be single for a looong time...

By keiler - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I play video games. No, not that I play too many video games or have an addiction to video games. Just that I play them, period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 103

You deserved it 444

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, a teenage kid holding a cell phone ran up to me and kicked me as hard as he could in the groin. After I fell to the ground in pain, I realized he was liveblogging the event and asking people to subscribe to his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 540

You deserved it 228

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 817

You deserved it 1 754

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 664

You deserved it 2 849

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 751

You deserved it 667

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 560

You deserved it 5 128

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 350

You deserved it 53 405