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Spring break

By Anonymous - 20/02/2022 00:01

Today, I'm off work for 4 weeks after trying to move an obese patient from their bed. The poor woman was so large that when we tried to move her the leg of the bed snapped, and her weight drove the sharp broken leg down through my foot into the carpet. Surgery and no walking for 4 weeks. Whoopee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 90

Thanks for nothing

By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my Gardasil 9 HPV update shot that my doctor prescribed, only to discover that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 apiece. The guy I was dating who was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 133

You deserved it 294

By Daralea - 28/09/2011 17:54 - Canada

Today, I timed my walk to work perfectly so that I avoided getting sprayed by the rotating sprinklers along the street. As soon as I successfully passed the last sprinkler, a bus sped by me, hit a puddle, and covered me head to toe in muddy water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 397

You deserved it 3 471

Daralea tells us more.

Daralea 21

Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:05

They always do, and I don't know why. They even have it aimed at the sidewalks half the time.

By Anonymous - 07/02/2017 04:00 - Canada - Jansen

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 320

You deserved it 784

By grossedout - 01/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 057

You deserved it 3 728

Don't knock it til you try it

By confusedmofo - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 340

You deserved it 8 326

By UnluckyEMT - 27/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone I've been crushing on admitted they're attracted to me too. We hooked up, but now she says we can't date because she is already dating someone. I feel terrible for them, and now know she isn't the kind of person I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 816

You deserved it 499

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 23:08 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my daughter repeated what she had heard her grandma say when asked to say grace. It happened to be, "Dear God, why the fuck did we invite all these assholes to Thanksgiving?" I don't want to attend any more family gatherings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 164

I'm so bored

By Anonymous - 11/02/2022 10:00

Today, I’ve worked out that my neighbour is cheating. Her husband leaves at 7, another guy arrives at 9, vigorous sex noises last for an hour, then the guy leaves. It’s come to this has it, I’m so bored since losing my job that I’ve become a nosy neighbour lady. Why won’t anyone hire me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 28/10/2014 21:58 - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 867

You deserved it 2 742

By Lolaa123 - 25/09/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 3 872

By babybambi - 29/12/2018 02:00

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 296

By oopsididitagain - 30/11/2010 18:49 - United States

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 989

You deserved it 30 269

By Van - 20/12/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 567

You deserved it 2 303

WHAT?

By what the FUCK - 15/08/2012 22:52 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 405

You deserved it 3 295

Brain freeze

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was working my job as a waitress near my college. I handed a customer her check, and she noticed that I had added her bill wrong. I apologized, and she pointed to my "student" labeled nametag, asking what I was studying. I said English. I'm a math major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 128

You deserved it 47 103

Non confrontational

By Anonymous - 04/05/2023 03:00

Today, I snuck into my aunt's house while she was working to raid her pantry, like I do most days. Excited for a snack cake, I went to the pantry. Apparently she'd found out, because there was a lock on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 2 089

By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 4 040

By Anonymous - 20/09/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, my mom made me teach my delusional gran web browsing. I barely made it to YouTube before she sneered at me, and told me to "stop pissing about before I smash your face in." Two hours and multiple slaps later, she still doesn't get what a URL is, and I fear for my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 290

You deserved it 3 059

By mikeissad - 11/08/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 2 489

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 169

You deserved it 24 386

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 227

You deserved it 2 760

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 819

You deserved it 2 574

By sdasdflkjas - 30/05/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 184

You deserved it 6 368

Stay classy

By militarywife2b - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 181

You deserved it 2 238

By cars hate me - 26/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Compton

Today, my car was rear-ended and totaled. Last year, during the same month, my previous car was rear-ended and totaled. I should just stop driving during the month of February. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 198

You deserved it 432

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out why my girlfriend has lost interest in our relationship. She's found out she likes drinking. A lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 020

You deserved it 4 025

TMI again

By crazybiotch - 28/05/2009 18:09 - Canada

Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend, and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 61 448

Bucket list goals

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 2 567

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 16:18 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 189

You deserved it 5 260

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The Top

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying two minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 651

You deserved it 1 583

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 297

You deserved it 3 028

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 228

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 1 933

Today, my girlfriend showered ten times, used an entire tube of deodorant, and continued to stink. It’s been like this for the past week, despite it being cold outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 133

Today, my girlfriend of 3 weeks found out she was 2 months pregnant with her ex's baby. I of course broke up with her because I don’t need exes drama or babies in my life. My mother called me an atrocious human being for not staying with her after only three weeks to raise another dude's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 160