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By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 08:25 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 782

You deserved it 3 127

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 856

You deserved it 39 581

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 393

You deserved it 4 177

By JoshuaRob - 03/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I got excited because a snowman I had built lasted a whole week, which is uncommon in my mild climate area. I thought myself lucky, and that my life was turning around. Then I realized how lame my whole train of thought was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 220

You deserved it 8 047

By juliaspaperbags - 16/08/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 903

You deserved it 8 115

By princesspea - 07/02/2009 16:41 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was trying to convince me that he was not having an affair with another woman named Julie, he looked me in the eye and exclaimed, "I would never cheat on you, I love you more than anything, Julie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 634

You deserved it 3 280

By still had to pay - 23/12/2012 21:36 - Australia

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 602

You deserved it 6 286

By sdauner - 01/03/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 272

You deserved it 7 117

Great seeing you

By Nicole - 09/05/2016 20:12 - United States - Bozeman

Today, a friend came to visit me from across the U.S. We spent the majority of the time she was here standing in the rain, at the dog park 20 miles from my house, so she could "make sure her baby poops on time". Basically, I took time off to watch my friend's dog take 6 craps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 320

You deserved it 917

By blah! - 08/12/2013 13:19 - United States - Newington

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 675

You deserved it 4 116

The clichés are real

By Krish Kochar - 08/11/2022 16:00 - Canada

Today, I've been living in Canada for past two years, and my friend from the States came to visit. He was talking about how Canadians are so polite, but I was in total denial, that he didn't know anything. While I was arguing with him, a guy in front of us walked into a pole, then apologized to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 894

You're nicked

By kb10 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I got arrested for shoplifting. I don't know what's worse, that I stole a one dollar bottle of chocolate milk, or that I didn't have the dollar to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 451

You deserved it 75 971

By RustyBulletHole - 04/02/2009 07:53 - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 188

You deserved it 2 367

By Cat Ashes - 05/12/2013 05:18 - United States - Dewitt

Today, I received an unexpected package from my mother. It contained my cat's ashes. Apparently he died 3 weeks ago and she thought this was the best way to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 799

You deserved it 2 802

By Jeslyn03 - 13/01/2012 18:57 - Canada

Today, I wandered around my property with my children, trying to find our escaped house cat. While in the more wooded parts, we spotted her on the ground, being picked over by a coyote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 189

You deserved it 3 312

By JulieClaire - 11/03/2011 01:44

Today, while driving home I saw a few deer running beside me. I stopped to let them go in front. Instead, one face-plants, ramming into the side of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 180

You deserved it 4 820

Hidden life

By ashleyrc_8213 - 11/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was commenting on my boyfriend’s page, telling him how much I loved him and missed him since he had been deported back to his country. A 12-year-old girl commented, “Who are you and why are you so obsessed with my daddy?” I didn’t know he had kids. We were together for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 500

You deserved it 533

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 352

You deserved it 6 475

By FractalSanity - 01/02/2009 08:11 - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 645

You deserved it 11 497

By rook - 09/01/2012 09:08 - United States

Today, my parents tried to convince me to get a divorce. My wife and I are perfectly fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 640

You deserved it 2 640

By Pip - 23/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said her husband was going to divorce her for seeing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 957

You deserved it 6 719

What about me?

By crushed - 23/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 811

You deserved it 277

By Worstjob - 03/03/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 341

You deserved it 4 442

Fart are funny, period

By amg85904 - 30/01/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 922

You deserved it 6 608

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 3 734

By Username - 28/02/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 921

You deserved it 5 425

Run away, fast

By gullible - 21/02/2010 02:38 - United States

Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with eight guys. Just now, after taking three trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 8 602

By Vassy - 04/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 673

You deserved it 32 826

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 175

It's up there somewhere

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 07:57 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, it was the first time my fiancé and I have been able to have sex in the daytime for ages. We have two kids under two years-old who take up most of our time, so when we had the opportunity, we grabbed a condom and pounced. Everything was going well until he pulled out… and left the condom inside. Now we can’t find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 227

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 488

You deserved it 43 626

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 157

You deserved it 2 508

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 226

Today, for the second time in my life, I fell and got stuck between my wall and my bed wrapped in a blanket, mad. Instead of helping me, my brother just took videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 346

Today, it's been over a week since I started painting a mural on my bedroom wall. Turns out, I'm not as artistic as I thought, because my attempt at a serene landscape now looks more like a psychedelic nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 458

Today, I tested positive for Influenza A. I’m either sweating bullets or shivering cold, coughing my ass off, sneezing constantly, snotting out my eyeballs, and aching all over. To top it off it’s hot and stormy, flooding in part of town with 100% humidity, and the power just cut out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 83