The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Sounds perfect

By kryan012 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Savannah

Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. It includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 8 695

By PixieWrists - 13/03/2012 17:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 4 107

Quite the catch

By Ms. Piggy - 02/03/2014 19:09 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 580

You deserved it 7 556

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 011

You deserved it 10 028

Hey guys!

By pritch44 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 960

You deserved it 4 144

By Dana - 10/05/2011 08:36 - Netherlands

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 165

You deserved it 12 141

By Sodapop40 - 22/02/2014 21:21 - Canada - Whitecourt

Today, I was shopping, when a man pointed at me and said to his friend, "Her. She's the one." He replied, "Yes, she'll do fine." I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 387

You deserved it 3 717

Sodapop40 tells us more.

Sodapop40 21

Sunday 23 February 2014 22:00

They saw me staring at them with terror in my eyes, and quickly came over to ask me if I wanted tto model with their agency? Um, no.

Review

By crub - 05/03/2009 15:10 - United States

Today, I had my quarterly review with my supervisor at the warehouse I work at. He told me I was doing great and we discussed my raise. After I left his office, his supervisor told me I was being fired for my attendance. The last time I missed work was to attend a funeral. Five months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 618

You deserved it 2 332

By goldfish - 06/03/2012 02:47 - Canada

Today, I came home to an eviction notice after an apartment inspection. The reason? Having an unauthorized pet that could cause unnecessary damage to my suite. My pet is a goldfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 3 908

By wtfiswrongwithher - 07/05/2011 13:56 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 7 532

World's best babysitter

By KarinaO - 22/06/2021 22:01

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 274

Terminally online

By mr_loveless - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 10 958

By badsinger - 04/06/2010 09:38 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée told me she was having a bad day while we were lying in bed. Just as she was about to fall asleep I thought it would be sweet if I sang her a song that her Mom sang to her when she was a child. Instead, I was told to shut the fuck up and that I sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 098

You deserved it 15 566

By Anonymous - 09/02/2013 16:11 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 816

You deserved it 6 554

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 21:53 - Ireland

Today, I was getting funny looks all day. When I got home I realised that I was interrupted while doing my make-up this morning and completely forgot to fill in my second eye brow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 967

You deserved it 28 815

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 715

You deserved it 11 372

By wouaf - 29/05/2015 04:19 - France - Voiron

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 28/02/2012 02:12 - United States

Today, I found out my wife cheated on me with a guy from her work three times, two months before I proposed to her. She decided to tell me three months into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 832

You deserved it 2 668

Help!

By ritz - 10/09/2009 14:15 - United States

Today, I was leaving my job at a huge mall. I couldn't find my car anywhere, so I panicked and flagged a security officer. I cried while he drove me around for miles in the endless parking lot. Then, suddenly, I remembered. My friend had dropped me off in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 587

You deserved it 56 274

By still learning - 26/02/2012 17:42 - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 093

You deserved it 7 980

By ashleynicolle - 25/02/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 700

You deserved it 36 976

History rocks

By HistoryFreak - 01/02/2013 09:19 - France

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 813

You deserved it 9 851

It's my new look

By Fenny - 27/02/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 443

You deserved it 74 733

By SadGuy - 26/04/2011 06:18 - United Kingdom

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 583

You deserved it 3 804

By iailwkrb - 26/02/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 922

You deserved it 28 032

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 876

You deserved it 9 148

Smashed

By Mr. Headshot - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should've told me she put a stick in it to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 217

You deserved it 3 650

By Porkchop05 - 06/09/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 066

You deserved it 14 754

By Skullie - 19/02/2012 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 856

You deserved it 4 972

Minor Threat

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 20:24 - France - Paris

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 430

You deserved it 13 303

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Love Food Vegan Work Mysterious Break-ups Animals Cats Scary Public freakouts Music Transportation Trains Weird Cars Awkward Frustration Intimacy Sex Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family I need your advice Mental health Coworkers Social Media My ex Kids

The Top

Today, I found the dog I lost while I was dog sitting. It was with its new adoptive family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 508

You deserved it 1 585

Today, my mom took me to a bar to cheer me up after being dumped. Two cute guys around my age kept looking over at us the whole night. When I told my mom, she said she was going to get them to come talk to me. Instead, she ended up leaving with both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 027

You deserved it 5 154

Today, the couch I bought a week ago was delivered. I don't know which is worse: my son being the one to point out it's been "used", or that he used a black light to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 857

You deserved it 4 906

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 670

You deserved it 2 464

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 268

You deserved it 64 378

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 609

You deserved it 3 093