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Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43 - United States - Bulverde

Spicy

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 143

You deserved it 9 632

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 00:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 362

You deserved it 5 935

By the un-loved child - 28/07/2013 22:34 - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 720

You deserved it 3 981

By ThisGirl - 21/08/2012 02:30 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 321

You deserved it 16 482

By lexyloo - 26/09/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend preferred to delete his account than admit we are in a relationship on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 5 789

By JealousBratMuch - 26/07/2013 00:51 - Canada - High River

Today, my eldest daughter has 'officially' removed herself from our family and will no longer communicate with any of us. Apparently it's my fault that her younger sister is having a baby before her, and she can't be part of a family that 'treats her so unfairly'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 344

You deserved it 4 140

By Anonymous - 01/12/2010 08:35 - United States

Today, I tried to fix my laptop charger by fiddling around with it using metal tweezers. Not only did I forget to unplug the cord and shocked myself, I also ended up breaking the charger completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 906

You deserved it 51 071

By Crys - 29/12/2018 18:00 - Canada - Kingston

Today, I decided to finish up some Christmas shopping. Instead, I ended up having to buy a present for myself - a new alternator after my car died and left me stranded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 350

You deserved it 246

By cardsftw - 16/08/2012 19:50 - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 183

You deserved it 8 421

By Ditzyfitzy - 09/01/2019 14:00

Today, after spending 2 years saving for my flights, I was denied boarding due to issues with my passport. I heading straight to the embassy only to be told a replacement will take 8 days. The airline will only hold my place for 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 675

You deserved it 398

By BirthdayFail - 14/08/2012 07:57 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, it's my birthday. Today is also the day my grandma died, six years ago. Since then, I get to sit through any sort of attempted celebration while my mom sobs and drinks herself into a stupor in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 518

You deserved it 1 759

School's out for summer, thank God!

By reluctant teacher - 16/06/2019 02:41 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 318

By Treats For Days - 19/07/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 131

You deserved it 26 573

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 06:21 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 664

You deserved it 5 683

Our cross to bare

By sierra808 - 31/05/2009 09:43 - United States

Today, I was walking on the beach when I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other, I smiled and waved, and as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 572

You deserved it 17 568

By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 524

You deserved it 2 702

By romedizzle - 24/11/2010 09:52 - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 499

You deserved it 8 298

Together forever

By Will - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 288

You deserved it 5 176

By lame-o-prof - 15/07/2013 21:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 230

You deserved it 4 085

Irony at a base level

By danyelicindereli - 29/05/2009 03:41 - United States

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 264

You deserved it 48 218

By mdwillow - 12/10/2014 07:46 - United States - Kenai

Today, I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony with all of our family and friends. Too bad it ended with us leaving the reception before dancing even started, since my groom couldn't stop bawling his eyes out from all the stress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 4 525

mdwillow tells us more.

mdwillow 15

Monday 13 October 2014 19:41

OP here! Just to clarify, I was very understanding of his stress. We both actually suffer from anxiety so it was a hard day in general. This was going to be his first night moved out from his parents though and change is always hard. Once we woke up the next morning I showed him we got published and we were both excited! haha no hard feelings on either side:) The honeymoon has been great. It's so nice to get away from everyone:) Thank you for all the kind wishes! We are both so excited to be married to each other as best friends.

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 542

You deserved it 3 893

By unicorn - 13/09/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 763

You deserved it 12 916

By JulietMarie - 10/10/2014 19:12 - United States - Baldwinsville

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 097

You deserved it 3 540

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 341

You deserved it 68 791

By allergic_to_bull - 08/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 547

You deserved it 4 264

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 148

You deserved it 52 466

Intense

By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 769

You deserved it 23 111

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 20:34 - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 847

You deserved it 4 018

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The Top

The Top

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 250

You deserved it 7 723

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 052

You deserved it 4 288

That's what friends are for, right?

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 84

Today, my brother was officially diagnosed with gigantism. According to the specialist doctor, he'll probably be 8 feet tall, if not taller. Hearing this, my brother looked at me and said, "Remember when you used to pick on me for being smaller than you? Karma's a bitch, ain't it?" I’m so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 2 341

Today, I'd been lonely for a while when I finally met a girl that is genuinely brilliant. She's all huggy, clingy and likes me back. Turns out she's a lesbian, so we can't be anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 200

Today, I was so tired that I thought the item I'd ordered a few months ago had been delivered then stolen, so I emailed the company about it. When I checked back on the website, I realized it hadn't actually been delivered yet and I read the invoice wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 516