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By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 62

By pubemilkshake - 08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 889

You deserved it 4 923

By nothotforteacher - 07/01/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 004

You deserved it 2 924

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 960

You deserved it 3 359

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 14:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 500

You deserved it 2 753

By thissucks - 20/06/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 684

You deserved it 6 929

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 5 766

By nobieb - 20/08/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 170

You deserved it 3 622

Bored to tears

By kevcng - 10/09/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 757

You deserved it 8 005

No excuses

By pissedexworker - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 561

You deserved it 2 504

Ouch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 522

You deserved it 10 335

By MisterSeth - 17/06/2009 01:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 79 819

By sasquatch - 08/09/2012 04:03 - United States - Katonah

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 800

You deserved it 33 709

I miss him

By Anonymous - 24/02/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 470

Broke boy

By LemonTree - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Hungary

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 400

You deserved it 7 184

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 058

You deserved it 4 487

By ass slap - 11/08/2013 15:35 - United States - Broomall

Spicy

Today, while I was hanging out with a cute girl, I slapped her ass playfully. She told me that she was going to get me back. She slapped my ass later that night unexpectedly while I was holding in a huge fart... It came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 271

You deserved it 24 868

Carpe diem

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 720

You deserved it 9 005

By marriagesux - 29/12/2009 07:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, marks the second week straight without sex. Being a newlywed isn't as great as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 819

You deserved it 4 690

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 855

You deserved it 6 211

By strawberrykiwi62 - 11/06/2009 09:09 - Israel

Today, I found out that my extremely-flat chested cousin recently got a boob job. When my mom found out, she said "Oh that's great! They look so good!". Then she looks at me and tells me that I should get one. Everyone including my own mother thinks I should get a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 105

You deserved it 5 530

By Crippled - 27/12/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 696

You deserved it 2 898

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 08:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told his parents about my bondage fetish. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 684

You deserved it 3 862

By The Selfie Parent - 04/11/2014 21:48 - Canada - Mount Pearl

Today, I looked at my twelve-year-old daughter's test. One of the question was, "When is a good time to worry about your parents?" Her answer was, "When they take selfies, because selfies aren't made for old people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 988

You deserved it 6 648

By hulio88 - 07/12/2010 00:37

Today, after years of hard work, I had an interview at the highest ranking university in the world 800 miles from where I live. It snowed heavily for the last 2 days closing every road, railway, and airport causing me to miss the interview. There is no rescheduling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 628

You deserved it 2 718

By Sean - 25/12/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 244

You deserved it 53 880

Stressed out

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 18:00

Today, at my highly stressful job, I found a note telling me to urgently call Margaret. I had no idea who that was and I wasted 2 hours trying to find out if she was in our legal department, political, media, sales, etc. until I remembered. Margaret is my baby sister. I may need a less stressful job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 340

I want to speak to the manager of this school

By WHYYY - 20/04/2023 10:00

Today, I accidentally fell asleep in class due to a new medication I’ve started. My teacher also thought it would be funny to blow an air horn in my ear in front of everyone, scaring me half to death. I’m currently pissed off while waiting to take this up with administration as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 288

Poor old George Orwell…

By literature - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 414

You deserved it 3 071

By Zatnikatel - 31/07/2013 14:15 - United States - Overland Park

Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 278

You deserved it 4 590

Zatnikatel tells us more.

Zatnikatel 13

Thursday 1 August 2013 7:10

OP here to explain further, I'm a manager for a big and tall clothing store and hygiene is covered in the training manual. he was wearing the EXACT Same clothing everyday he worked(multiple days in a row). the stains, wrinkles, abd odor constantly increased. I really don't feel like I was bullying him and I even offered to help purchase him new clothes. he took offense to that as well and went on a rant about how his family is ridiculously wealthy. his work ethic was atrocious, he stopped every

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Today, I realised I sweat so much that I won't be able to go without sticking super pads with wings to my shirt underarms everyday. It makes supermarket trips interesting. Especially as a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 3 904

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 854

You deserved it 7 119

Today, my mother accused me of stealing pills; she looked all over my room and couldn't find them. When she went back to the pantry, she saw them on the shelf below where they were supposed to be. She then accused me of putting them there while she was searching my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 029

You deserved it 2 818

Today, I am 3 months pregnant. While lying on the couch with morning sickness, my boyfriend farted loudly and filled the room with a smell so horrifying that I immediately threw up all over my coffee table. He spent the next 20 minutes texting his friends about this "epic" moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 939

You deserved it 7 960

Today, it's my roommate's birthday. His friends were planning on a surprise birthday cake at midnight last night, and one of them told me about it, hoping to split the expense between us, which I was totally cool with. But I fell asleep before midnight and they didn't even bother to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 504

You deserved it 1 037

Today, my husband says he wants to file for divorce because he’s tired of me being a “bossy boots.” Apparently, asking him to stop sending a 17 year-old girl dick pics as a “joke” is too much to ask. My tongue is going to fall out from the many times I've had to explain to him why it’s inappropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 789

You deserved it 415