The Top

Yeah he thinks he's better than me , I feel like a Cinderella after midnight while he's the prince. He's always bragging about how good looking, smart, and charismatic he is and now it's worse. -_-

By ouch - 03/01/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 658

You deserved it 2 995

By Saucy - 26/06/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 595

You deserved it 50 616

By ohray - 11/12/2014 16:09 - Turkey - Kibris

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 533

You deserved it 3 124

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 840

You deserved it 6 561

Man child

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 726

You deserved it 5 940

By ArmyMan - 24/06/2009 16:37 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 833

You deserved it 9 938

Having a normal one

By Barista - 05/07/2009 05:21 - United States

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she gave me a really long recipe and said, "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic." I work at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 798

You deserved it 4 175

By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 62

Mean girls

By Anonymous - 30/09/2020 07:25 - United States

Today, I watched our presidential candidates face off like high school girls with the whole world watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 322

By pubemilkshake - 08/12/2014 02:12 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 889

You deserved it 4 923

By nothotforteacher - 07/01/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my college professor/employer failed to send in a letter I had been counting on for a scholarship application. He has also decided not to pay me for the last two months. I'm not going to make rent. Apparently this is the punishment you get for politely declining a date with a married man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 004

You deserved it 2 924

By Al - 22/06/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 960

You deserved it 3 359

By thissucks - 20/06/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 684

You deserved it 6 929

By Anonymous - 29/11/2014 16:28 - United States - Portland

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 5 766

By nobieb - 20/08/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 170

You deserved it 3 622

Bored to tears

By kevcng - 10/09/2012 21:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 757

You deserved it 8 005

No excuses

By pissedexworker - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 561

You deserved it 2 504

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 13:30

Today, in addition to having to deal with chronic pain that keeps me from driving for more than 10 minutes, I now have to deal with my brother who thinks I'm not paying him enough for taking me to school 2 days a week, when he does the journeys for himself anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 559

You deserved it 193

Ouch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took out my ear cartilage piercing. With my comb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 522

You deserved it 10 335

By MisterSeth - 17/06/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 79 819

By sasquatch - 08/09/2012 04:03 - United States - Katonah

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 800

You deserved it 33 709

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 382

You deserved it 865

Broke boy

By LemonTree - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Hungary

Today, I realized that I'd run out of deodorant. On top of that, I was late to work so I had to run, making me all sweaty and smelly. To cover it up, I used the air-freshener in the toilet at work. Everyone recognized the "Lemon Tree" scent and now all of my colleagues think I'm a cheap bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 400

You deserved it 7 184

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Public freakouts Music Scary Transportation Trains Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family Awkward I need your advice Love Mental health Coworkers Work Relatable Social Media My ex Kids Scams Friends Weird TV shows First Dates AITA Cops Health Housework Homeowners Technology

The Top

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her Facebook relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 234

You deserved it 1 877

Today, I came home from a four month stay in Africa, where I managed to avoid suffering any serious illness. Some hours after my first meal back at home, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 853

You deserved it 3 889

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 120

You deserved it 5 037

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 384

You deserved it 39 508

Today, I offered to let my niece and brother stay at my apartment, as my brother was going through a rough divorce and had lost his job. After coming home from work, I found my niece had snapped all of my pencils and had ruined over ten years worth of artwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 662

You deserved it 344

Today, our manager went on a screaming tantrum because he says none of us wants to work and we make him look bad to the bosses. Yeah, the reason we’re not working is because he forgot to order our steel this week. Can’t do custom welding without the materials, boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 62