The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Holy cultural stereotype Batman!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2023 22:00

Today, our new neighbour three doors up just moved in, he even came round to introduce himself to everyone to assure us he means to be a good neighbour, and won’t be too noisy. Six hours later we found out he’s Scottish and likes to practise his bagpipes in the back garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 754

You deserved it 19 215

By Bestfrienduncool - 30/09/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 813

You deserved it 2 675

By lylethomes15 - 21/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I brought my dog to the vet for a routine surgery. The vets assured me that no dog had ever died during this procedure. Apparently my dog was the first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 791

You deserved it 5 350

What the hell is this workplace?

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 22:00

Today, it’s been so long since I got laid, I decided to rub one out in the office bathroom. I did it twice (morning/afternoon), and both times, there were two different guys clearly doing the same thing. The downstairs office bathroom is apparently a pit of desperation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 1 645

By dullstuff - 21/07/2011 12:34 - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 614

You deserved it 13 919

By carebear1228 - 01/07/2014 17:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 068

You deserved it 4 790

By knolan - 20/07/2011 04:40 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 5 828

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 23:14 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 296

You deserved it 17 585

By notsohappyniece - 02/11/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 948

You deserved it 3 785

Kinks come in all shapes and sizes

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 02:00 - Fiji - Suva

Today, I realized I have a praise kink when the guy who I was sexting online called me a good girl and I came instantly, then promptly burst into tears because I've never felt such affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 281

Don't leave my baby boy

By Julia - 17/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 175

By Daniel_rules - 17/04/2009 17:02 - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 570

You deserved it 94

You're in the army now, oh ohoh, you're in the army. Now.

By LoveGlove - 21/06/2014 21:42 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 158

You deserved it 4 966

Scarred for life

By Gabby125 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 986

You deserved it 4 405

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 1 371

By a very unlucky dude. - 18/06/2014 06:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 213

You deserved it 13 420

By Anonymous - 27/04/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 789

You deserved it 4 006

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 645

You deserved it 9 933

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 061

You deserved it 4 330

This is wrong on so many levels

By Anonymous - 10/09/2023 18:30

Today, I noticed my new boyfriend barely touches me casually, unless I initiate, and even then he’ll pull away fairly quickly. Apparently his dad told him about "fake rape accusations", even from women you’re dating, so he’s scared to touch me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 175

By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 058

You deserved it 5 624

By I'm Not Dead Yet - 09/06/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 803

You deserved it 5 221

Double entendre

By mel - 11/05/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 072

You deserved it 3 169

By Username - 08/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 623

You deserved it 5 625

Running late

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 200

You deserved it 3 886

By Screwed - 07/06/2014 13:31 - Australia

Today, I took some heavy pain medication before calling my boyfriend. I don't remember the call, but apparently confessed to really liking corn, and faking orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 451

You deserved it 15 833

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 951

You deserved it 8 684

By JG - 10/05/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 4 216

Brain bleach please

By unashamed - 05/06/2014 08:11 - Australia - Ipswich

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 357

You deserved it 4 774

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Public freakouts Music Scary Trains Transportation Miscellaneous Gross Birthday Family Awkward I need your advice Love Mental health Coworkers Work Relatable Social Media My ex Kids Scams Friends Weird TV shows First Dates AITA Cops Health Housework Homeowners Technology

The Top

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 3 863

Today, on my wedding day, when they said, "You may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately, my hands were sweaty as I was nervous, and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 038

You deserved it 19 816

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 196

Today, I took a piece of toilet paper to blow my nose and had a surprise: someone in our house seems to not have understood how TP works. In this case, the principle that it shouldn't stay on the roll once there is poo on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 109

Today, my mom has two workbenches in her basement. They are so cluttered, they have all but disappeared. Now that she’s actually building something, she just uses the chest freezer as a workbench. I’m hungry and my dinner is in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 128

Today, I wanted to look clever during a work meeting, so I used a thesaurus to find a fancy word for “important.” I ended up calling a project "pivotal" but mispronounced it as "pee-votal" in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 664