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Busted

By Anonymous - 13/07/2009 04:02 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I'd gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said, "Your phone's been buzzing." I had a text saying, "You're grounded" from my Dad. My "Take your birth control" had been going off for a half an hour while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 086

You deserved it 31 911

By alaskan1989 - 22/01/2011 01:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I have a huge infected boil on my vagina. The worst part was that I wasn't the one to discover this. My boyfriend was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 498

You deserved it 9 963

By MIND BLOWING - 20/10/2012 13:57 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, after waking up from a drunken night, I realized the burning sensation I had from the lube during sex was because I used hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 266

You deserved it 39 811

By ugh - 19/01/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 450

You deserved it 9 513

By Hair problems - 20/10/2018 12:00

Today, I woke up with greasy hair, despite taking a shower last night. After washing my hair several times and it not going away, I realized that yesterday I put aerosol deodorant in my hair instead of hairspray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 308

You deserved it 1 279

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 20:08 - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 167

You deserved it 1 904

A teaching moment

By Sensitive!!! - 24/08/2020 13:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 296

By thisisme - 17/01/2011 01:37 - Canada

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 725

You deserved it 3 476

By Chubby - 17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 253

You deserved it 5 193

By Anonymous - 17/09/2013 14:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 292

You deserved it 2 818

By ish0rty - 14/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my social awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 065

You deserved it 5 004

By chestycough - 16/09/2013 04:35 - Australia - Belrose

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 983

You deserved it 5 467

You Sexty Thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 06:53 - United States - Prairie City

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend is upset with me for not wanting to sext. I can't sext with her because she adds "lol" to everything, which turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 205

You deserved it 6 598

Crimefighters

By Anonymous - 03/07/2009 19:56 - Canada

Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said, "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 423

You deserved it 3 879

Out in the cold

By Mixta - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - France - Roubaix

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 345

You deserved it 3 618

By natattack - 11/09/2013 21:35 - United States - Temple

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 618

You deserved it 7 997

Please, think of my family…

By StaplerScared - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 9 135

Dog Lover Struggles

By FML Videos - 10/10/2018 18:30

Dance like nobody's watching!

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 109

Dat ass

By Chamorru - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have so much ass acne that it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 955

You deserved it 6 393

Fun times

By KeepinItInTheFamily - 28/10/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, my future sister-in-law told me that not only will I have to host her bachelorette party at my new, still under construction house, but she has also booked a sex consultant to come and give a toy presentation. There's a $350 minimum spend. Only 5 people are coming, 4 of which are family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 309

You deserved it 362

By jessel_ladd92 - 09/09/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 655

You deserved it 5 844

Great input, dad

By shamed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my father met my boyfriend for the first time at dinner. The only thing he said to him the whole evening was, "Are you circumcised?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 3 408

By ...thanks - 07/09/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 714

You deserved it 4 892

By raz - 02/10/2012 00:11 - United States - Fargo

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 581

You deserved it 2 644

By Bouh - 27/12/2012 04:04 - France - Paris

Spicy

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 314

You deserved it 9 326

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 776

You deserved it 6 643

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for the tattoo artist who gave us our matching "love" tattoos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 404

You deserved it 9 770

By drbckflps - 18/12/2014 00:48 - Australia - Mount Gravatt

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 933

You deserved it 2 979

drbckflps tells us more.

drbckflps 22

Friday 19 December 2014 7:35

I haven't read all the comments yet but thank you for your condolences. This is indeed the grandmother of my son and no, she didn't take the holiday as a way of grieving - it was purely opportunistic. She wasn't even polite to us at the funeral: her words to me were, "In six months when I get back you'll have forgotten this whole thing ever happened." Very disappointing. Thank you all again. I'll reply again when I get a chance to read some more comments.

By loveade11 - 12/01/2010 19:28 - France

Spicy

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 732

You deserved it 35 692

Under review

By GottaGetOuttaHere - 09/11/2018 13:30

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said that I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 521

You deserved it 235

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The Top

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 263

You deserved it 5 561

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 580

You deserved it 15 624

Today, I entered my bedroom, ready to play some COD on my xbox 360. Instead, I find a note where my xbox used to be. It read "You think you can cheat on me and get away with it? Fuck you. I smashed the hell out of your stupid xbox." It was signed by my girlfriend. I never cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 978

You deserved it 3 473

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 7 months to come over on Valentine's Day so I can cook dinner for him. He asked if he could invite his wife over as well. Guess who's newly single right before Valentine's Day! FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 581

You deserved it 596

Today, at work while everyone else was at lunch, my boss's sister-in-law called. Realizing I was manning the phones alone, she immediately asked, "Oh, is everyone of importance gone to lunch?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 93

Today, I figured out my girlfriend's mother has various nicknames for me. My girlfriend and her family are from Poland and speak on the phone in their native tongue, but they don’t know I’ve been learning the language either. I heard her call me “idiot”, “loser”, “moron” and various other “nicknames” multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 125