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OP Here. I don't suffer idiots well means that I don't tolerate or deal with idiots well. Which is utter crap. It is an excuse to get out of giving me the promotion they've been promising me for years. Now they have an alternate (totally unqualified candidate) so they are passing me over. FML. Onto bigger and better things I guess.

By pea - 12/09/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 430

You deserved it 3 035

Weaponised chocolate

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently, somebody saw me. I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 096

You deserved it 28 249

Cracked

By Sous_Chef - 11/12/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my roommate came in, slamming the front door. I guess he doesn't know that you can't throw hot water on frozen windows. He came up all pissed and called his insurance because he'd cracked the windshield. We have the same car, in the same exact color. Turns out he threw the water on mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 996

You deserved it 3 098

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 384

You deserved it 1 637

By Adios Career - 26/11/2015 16:27 - United States

Today, a great job I have been wanting to apply for opened for applications. Turns out it requires a clean background with no credit issues. I recently got a notice saying my wife and I are being sued over an unpaid $140 medical bill that she neglected to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 162

You deserved it 2 163

What ARE you doing?

By Anonymous - 27/09/2014 03:30 - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 697

You deserved it 12 112

By memphis201 - 26/07/2012 17:20 - United States - Lexington

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 847

You deserved it 16 099

memphis201 tells us more.

memphis201 14

Friday 27 July 2012 15:32

Just for clarification, I always wash my hands before I use a tampon, but in this case it was an emergency, if you get what I mean by that. I also didn't have the kind that uses an applicator available so I had to actually put my hands up there for the tampon to function properly.

Timewaster

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 624

You deserved it 3 089

Prospects

By mike - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was digging in the backyard when my mom came out, nodded her head approvingly, and with a straight face told me it was good practice for when I inevitably go to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 4 628

Thanks, I guess?

By hungry? - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Talbott

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 150

You deserved it 4 584

Chafing hell

By joonsson - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 360

By TooYoungForThis - 30/06/2013 04:36 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 181

You deserved it 5 005

Forget me not

By Anonymous - 23/03/2022 04:00

Today, it's been a week since my husband woke up with what the hospital says is transient amnesia. He’s lost about 15 years of memories and thinks he’s in his 20’s. We’ve only been married 5 years, and dated 3 years before that, so he has no idea who I am, has no idea his parents are dead, or who our son is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 416

You deserved it 12 888

By sassman - 01/12/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 806

You deserved it 4 285

By jgtrflynn - 24/06/2013 04:37 - United States - Beggs

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 062

You deserved it 7 946

jgtrflynn tells us more.

jgtrflynn 9

Monday 24 June 2013 21:04

My Aunt has ALWAYS done something nice for us after a deployment, she is our only family nearby and frequents our home during his absence to make sure I'm still alive when I disappear for days, she used to freak out but now knows she will always find me passed out next to his motorcycle:p(she knows where my spare key is and uses it so much it might as well be hers.) Normally she is waiting outside for us after corresponding with me, but this time she decided to be secretive to try and scare the pants off us (beat her to it) by hiding in the coat closet directly behind the front door and jumping out right as we came in. We did so loudly, crashing into both doors. Said closet has a push button lock on the outer knob, in perfect position.....then of course we got loud and into ourselves, not noticing her calls or knocks. She knows of course how we are after he returns, but her plan just backfired a bit:)

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 6 395

By Indiandisaster - 18/09/2012 00:25 - India - Madras

Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the only city in France. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 73

By paprgrl421 - 13/05/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 686

You deserved it 10 107

paprgrl421 tells us more.

paprgrl421 5

Thursday 14 May 2009 2:22

He was local, no I didn't respond. I live in a less densely populated area (i.e. small town) so it's very easy to see where he was from. I can even pinpoint his cellular carrier by his area code+***. That's how few places offer cell service in wisconsin

By ohgodwhy - 10/05/2019 12:00

Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 624