The Top

Hi, OP here. I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go. Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily. I didn't notice the huge bump because 1) I was shitfaced 2) She hid it extremely well. Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad. I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.

Vessels

By failed brood mare - 17/11/2013 17:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 801

You deserved it 3 137

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 01:15 - India - Ahmedabad

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 6 356

Thanks, I hate it

By Etown - 12/08/2018 13:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, a friend texted me to get a ticket and go to a theme park with her tomorrow. I bought a ticket and didn't hear from her until 5 hours later to say she was sorry, but she doesn't think she'll be going. It was $65 and non refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 896

You deserved it 319

Patriotic ass

By lancus - 07/06/2020 14:06

Today, my 6-year-old daughter and I were leaving a swimming pool when we passed the front desk, where there was a Canadian flag. She said, "Look daddy! A maple leaf! Just like on your ass!” I forgot that she knew about my tattoo and the flag. We ran out as people burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 757

By kittkatt1 - 11/11/2013 01:52 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 411

You deserved it 5 516

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 22:21 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 711

You deserved it 5 924

By Anonymous - 19/02/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 084

You deserved it 8 610

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 369

You deserved it 52 062

By GymBattle - 31/10/2013 23:18 - United States

Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 386

You deserved it 12 609

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 719

You deserved it 60 250

Parenting

By anon - 30/06/2020 08:02

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 709

You deserved it 134

By allgrowedup - 12/02/2011 03:10 - United States

Today, my mom left me at home with a babysitter. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 391

You deserved it 5 510

By Anonymous - 08/09/2018 15:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, while pooping at work, I was scrolling through social media. I dropped my phone in the toilet and the automatic flusher engaged, flushing my phone halfway into the pipes, which then flooded the toilet. I had to call maintenance and explain what happened to retrieve phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 2 215

By maddie! - 09/02/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 562

You deserved it 13 353

By mark - 11/01/2009 02:11 - France

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 9 401

By Rory - 23/07/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 516

You deserved it 4 838

Unlucky or just forgetful?

By failphone - 07/01/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year, making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 967

You deserved it 31 598

By Embarrassed Swimmer - 11/12/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 793

You deserved it 18 574

His stepdaughter, we hope

By Hetie - 17/10/2021 11:00

Today, my ex-husband got married to my daughter. She’s 18, a high school dropout, and pregnant with his child. She strongly believes she’ll have a bright future with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 160

It's hot!

By joyf - 08/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's parents came over. It got hot, so I took off the jacket I was wearing, but I forgot I wasn't wearing a shirt underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 2 480

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Weddings Miscellaneous Embarrassing Cute Relatable Job interview Work Love First Dates Vacation Family Transportation Conspiracy theorist AITA Sleep Parents Kids Coworkers Frustration Annoying Health Liar Pranks Weird Sex Bodyshaming Awkward Teachers Gross School

The Top

Today, my roomate's cats pooped on the floor again. He refuses to clean it up saying it will be easier to clean in 48 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 936

You deserved it 2 698

Today, I was working at a local restaurant when another server's table called me over to ask if I've "ever killed anybody". They informed me I looked like a serial killer. I informed them, of course, that I have never killed anybody. Another customer claimed I scared her child. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 046

You deserved it 4 684

Today, I went to the hair salon to get a fresh trim before receiving my master's diploma. The hairdresser managed to shave off half my eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 121

Today, it's our fifth-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I gave him his gift and walked over to the kitchen to serve him some food I'd made. On my way back to the dining room, I overheard his plans with his friend to ditch me in 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 129

Today, I went out to dinner with the girl of my dreams. Wanting to get to know her, I asked her what she’s looking for in a relationship. She scoffed and said how relationships are for the weak and that it’s better to not catch feelings to avoid being hurt. I guess I don’t have a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 164

Today, the guy I had to let go because he told me he didn’t “want a relationship or anything serious” started becoming exclusive with someone else. This is the fourth guy this has happened with. What’s wrong with me? Why am I not good enough to date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 203