By nochance - 05/03/2009 16:06 - United States
The Top
Wedding shaming
By soccerbooty - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States
I'm not kidding
By ouchies - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States
Official notice
By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 08:01
By me - 30/04/2011 04:25 - United States
By Nikia818 - 06/02/2014 18:23 - United States - Newport News
Nikia818 tells us more.
By nuttedthefout - 28/04/2011 13:16
By vsshopper - 22/02/2012 19:21 - United States
May be
By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00
By movingout - 26/01/2013 23:50 - Australia - Ringwood
A pasting for pasties
By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom
By alopez1994 - 21/04/2011 05:28
Call the FBI on her ass
By Anonymous - 14/03/2020 03:11
Billy Crystal like you've never seen him before
By Anonymous - 05/01/2014 23:48 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls
Unhygienic or he's a natural hunter-gatherer
By Anonymous - 03/04/2020 05:00
By Mofisto - 15/02/2009 10:43 - United States
Thin skinned
By cbad - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States
By The Sbeak - 13/02/2009 15:54 - United States
By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia
By Amara1717 - 19/08/2009 04:22 - United States
Cuddle time
By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 08:51 - Australia - Donvale
By WillaminaL - 20/01/2012 03:33 - Canada
By bumpercarmcgee - 11/05/2016 08:33 - United States
bumpercarmcgee tells us more.
Update: the breaks weren't really a big deal at first because I didn't have to use them all that much until I got to the freeway, and on the freeway you can just kinda let up off the gas to slow down, especially at higher speeds/less traffic. I just remember noting that the breaks felt a little weird, but I was mostly just focusing on trying to stay behind my friend and not get lost. I attributed that weirdness to how certain cars probably feel and drive differently. I just remember at some point after noting the "weird" breaks I had the morbid thought, "heh, you know what'd be terrible is if the breaks went out." But yeah, breaks became a huge deal the moment I got off the freeway. Turns out they actually worked like 25% of the time and you just had to "double-pump it, dude!" Tbh it's a god damn miracle I made it as far as I did and I narrowly avoided several collisions with other vehicles just trying to get his car to his house. Funny enough, I rear-ended his car literally a block away from his house. I do think the situation is morbidly funny in a way, but it was mostly ******* terrifying. Driving without breaks has this terrifying effect of making you feel like you yourself have nerve damage or something. Like my brain is like I'm doing it! But the electrochemical signals relaying that message to your muscles just kinda got ****** up somewhere along the way.
By elevatorFAIL - 10/08/2009 23:00 - United States
elevatorFAIL tells us more.
To clear this up: it was mainly because the people in the hotel were not helpful at all and this was just one of the last straws. The FML part was the guy at the front desk of the hotel in New Orleans was like the most unhelpful person ever. And it's also kind of akward if you don't exactly get along with the person you're stuck with. And no, I am not usually claustrophobic, but in extreme cases, like such, it is rather disconcerting. As for the cell phone service in the elevator, we were only about 4 inches up from the ground floor. And if FML let me post a longer story, it would have been entirely different. If the girl I called had posted, it would have been mainly about the fact that the hilarity of this whole situation caused here to piss herself. Especially with the fact that our adult leader used force to open the elevator doors...
Not my sunnies!
By ladyofzanarkand - 20/05/2020 20:00
Caught
By losingstreak - 31/01/2009 20:47 - United States
By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster
It never ends
By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 20:00
By clodius - 20/11/2013 18:25 - United Kingdom - Airdrie
clodius_fml tells us more.
Hi, OP here. I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go. Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily. I didn't notice the huge bump because 1) I was shitfaced 2) She hid it extremely well. Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad. I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.
Vessels
By failed brood mare - 17/11/2013 17:46 - United States - Hollywood
Keywords
Thank you all so much! To clarify, I wasn't naked. I had a tank top on. I'm only kidding about worrying about getting laid. I'm studying to get into med school, so I really don't get laid in real life. But it doesn't bother me. I let the hot pocket sit and it was the perfect temperature until that bite...which was at the very end... I do have a nickel-sized pink scar and it blistered a little bit, but nothing major. All in all, I now know that the filling of a hpt pocket is hotter than the fiery pits of Hell.