The Top

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Narcissism

By during - 19/05/2010 12:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 486

You deserved it 7 341

You dolt!

By ilovefootball - 07/09/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 201

You deserved it 78 224

That'll do

By worstaunty - 04/03/2020 18:01 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, I had to pick my 2 year-old nephew up from day care for the first time. When the lady asked me who I was there to pick up, I realized I didn't know his actual name because we all call him "Bebe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 276

Awkward soundtrack

By Byron fiddles - 24/02/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Spicy

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 070

You deserved it 56 777

By LaundryVictim - 15/06/2016 20:50

Today, I picked up my laundry from the wash-and-fold and proceeded to put everything away. I noticed a hand towel that wasn't mine and made a mental note to return it; turned out they'd given me someone else's boxers as well. My boyfriend doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 599

You deserved it 1 146

#rude

By friendless - 19/03/2018 11:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 426

Drive by shooting

By justicewargrave - 16/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 108

By fat teen - 05/06/2016 23:33 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 539

You deserved it 2 337

Mean girls

By oc_cheergirl - 06/04/2011 02:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 845

You deserved it 51 916

Prank wars

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 119 089

By ABBenzin - 01/02/2012 16:11 - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 467

You deserved it 3 790

By Carrie_Chaos - 23/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 091

You deserved it 1 503

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 11:29 - United States - Westwood

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 022

You deserved it 1 092

By I piss upon thee - 13/05/2016 18:35 - United States - Toledo

Today, I got a warning for not covering a shift, on my day off, for someone who didn't want to go to work. Apparently the next time I “do something wrong", I'll either get warned again or fired, whichever they feel like doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 018

You deserved it 1 038

Fashion Police

By asshole - 29/04/2020 20:00

Today, I called a company to see why the dress I’d ordered for my best friend hadn’t been delivered. After doing some digging and ruining the surprise, it turns out it had been. Her boyfriend opened the package, deemed the dress "too slutty" and threw it out. He refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 549

You deserved it 249

By lingling - 16/12/2012 00:57 - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 146

You deserved it 5 991

Take the L

By JPPUDLY - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 812

You deserved it 2 510

Food poisoning

By brown and sticky - 16/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 211

By hnickell93 - 10/12/2012 18:37 - United States - Visalia

Spicy

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 893

You deserved it 12 881

By Anonymous - 24/04/2016 12:46 - Switzerland - Chur

Spicy

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that would kill my sex drive, just so she wouldn't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 405

You deserved it 2 136

Not really the desired effect

By Ouchithurt - 04/08/2009 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 054

You deserved it 21 083

By never dip the wick in crazy - 15/04/2016 19:00 - Romania

Today, after months of patiently trying to help my girlfriend deal with her anger issues, she dumped me in a blind rage for sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 397

You deserved it 1 807

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 01:46 - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 383

You deserved it 2 663

Baseless assumptions

By afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 408

You deserved it 12 116

No Ragrets

By surfergal91 - 14/02/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I rummaged around in the attic, looking for old pictures of me and my family, so I could make a surprise collage. Instead, I found my dad's old journals, talking about how desperately he didn't want a kid, and how he wanted to leave my mother more and more every day that passed since I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 801

You deserved it 4 166

By emmmbo - 19/12/2011 15:40 - Australia

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes; mine said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 834

You deserved it 5 485

By IvyBlackeyes - 29/08/2018 01:30

Today, I sprained my ankle at dance class. No, I wasn't dancing when I did it. I was trying to step off from a small mat so I could go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 500

You deserved it 284

By WalnutGaming - 22/10/2013 19:20 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 221

You deserved it 8 074

WalnutGaming tells us more.

WalnutGaming 16

Wednesday 23 October 2013 4:27

Hey guys. I did end up finding my dog. For those who said get a treat or meat, my dog would be way down the street by that time. My dog had stopped to "say Hi" to my neighbor and her dog. I used this method because my dog was trained to come to me when I lay down, but something made him run instead. In training meat was put on the ground and I was put on the ground and my dog chose me first over the meat. He is a good dog really, this is his first actual stunt hes pulled. Anyway, just thought it'd be nice to fill you guys in.

By Chocolatehater - 08/09/2018 18:30 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, my girlfriend finally came over to watch a movie with me after weeks of being really busy. As a treat she brought chocolate cookies, which she knows I can't eat. I am allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 828

You deserved it 267

My ex the dumbass

By Anonymous - 10/07/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, my long distance boyfriend sent me a Snap of him fucking another girl. When he realized he'd sent it to me, he called me, trying to explain, "it's not what it looks like. It was meant for the boys." Two days ago, I made plans to visit him. Guess who's out money and single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 733

You deserved it 229

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, on Facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to, "How can Dan have over 500 Facebook friends? Nobody even likes him." It got 42 likes and twenty comments that basically said, "Agreed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 876

You deserved it 12 367

Today, at the age of 16, I'm recovering from hip surgery. My friends took me out to the movies to cheer me up. They thought it would be hilarious to steal my crutches and leave me stranded and alone in the mall, multiple times. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 543

You deserved it 4 081

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 75 461

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell, and hit my head on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 769

You deserved it 5 166

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 18 199

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 51