The Top

um I have a degree in firefighting I'm 26 and the tree was too big to start with and it was fake. plus we have a open fire place. so I put the tree in the best possible spot. my bad I put it out b4 it hurt any of the house.... no more tree tho

By Kimmikoto - 31/01/2017 14:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, the vet told me that my cat is too fat to be able to wipe her own ass. I had to go Walmart to purchase pet wipes to clean her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 920

You deserved it 3 616

By ScarredForLife - 25/12/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 870

You deserved it 11 918

Right back at ya!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had just got a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I thought it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 979

You deserved it 105 087

Potholed out

By Murphy’s Christmas - 13/12/2018 13:30

Today, my husband blew a tire in a hidden pothole on the way to work. I picked him up in my car later that day, only to hit an entirely different pothole, bending my rim, and catapulting my hubcap into the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 678

You deserved it 202

By Kimmiko - 04/06/2009 12:17 - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 245

You deserved it 7 171

MY wedding, MINE

By chumpslolo - 25/07/2013 10:55 - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 665

You deserved it 4 006

Not now, dude

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 7 327

By Teddy Bear - 12/01/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids shop, I absentmindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then heard a deep man's voice say, "I'm not a little man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 580

Forever alone

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 615

You deserved it 2 581

By UpAllNight - 09/02/2019 12:00 - Palestinian Territory

Today, I had to sleep at my in-laws' house. My in-laws' bedroom is directly above the one we’re sleeping in. For the last 20 minutes, all I can hear is the bed going, “Thud, thud, thud.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 125

You deserved it 311

By Mary - 05/03/2019 18:00

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 1 420

By epic174 - 07/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 393

You deserved it 2 812

By nosestealer - 07/07/2013 21:57 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 494

You deserved it 9 877

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The Top

Today, after my close friend had his baby, he told me that he was no longer going to be selling weed at his house. I was happy for him, because it's unsafe. Until I found out he was still selling at my house with the help of my roommates, without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 988

You deserved it 3 914

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 497

You deserved it 2 870

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 810

You deserved it 4 267

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 624

You deserved it 13 710

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 094

You deserved it 633

Today, I thought it would be cute to teach my dog a new trick in which I throw and then he brings me back a rolled up newspaper. He disappeared after it, then successfully returned with what turned out to be my neighbor's dirty boxer shorts. Apparently, my dog has a different definition of "fetch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 158