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OP here, just wanted to expand on this to answer some questions. Both bank and credit cards are joint for us— the act of bringing in the income and shopping for the “perfect” gift is what we consider the act of gifting within our relationship. The price on the credit card bill was not the factor that would have ruined the surprise as it was planned to show as a paypal purchase and he already knew I had bought him a gift; the surprise was in knowing what the gift actually was. Customer service, on the other hand, doesn't usually call anyone to confirm purchases—I have purchased far more expensive things without receiving a call before. I just got unlucky this time I guess! His surprise came in early and he was still happy. For those wondering why we have joint accounts while dating; we’ve been together for six years as common-law partners and our relationship is built on trust and honesty. He got a gamer girlfriend but I got lucky with a good man!

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 11:40 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 753

You deserved it 5 825

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 08:01 - Mexico

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 411

You deserved it 65 906

Lewd

By Public Indecency - 28/06/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 525

Priorities

By sprained neck - 24/11/2015 05:49

Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 080

You deserved it 1 538

By Anonyme - 22/10/2014 05:31 - Colombia - Bogot

Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he was whispering, he said, “So they can’t hear me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 75

By shadowmuppet - 01/04/2017 02:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned the joy of getting a brand new leather jacket and then watching my date drunkenly throw up all over my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 652

You deserved it 586

By YouBossturd - 10/11/2015 15:17 - United States - Washington

Today, I found out that my immediate supervisor had modified my phone in the priority order at our call center. As a result, any calls that came in during the night shift would be routed to my phone first, so that he can play games on his phone uninterrupted. It's been a whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 1 791

By superspy3214 - 04/11/2015 03:24 - United States

Today, I was working at a movie theater when I was called to clean what can only be described as "Dog Shit Surprise" out of a theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 176

You deserved it 1 442

superspy3214 tells us more.

superspy3214 16

Wednesday 4 November 2015 18:15

OP here, first of all I'm still in school making A's in my honors courses and secondly it was neither human nor dog shit, apparently a guy brought his kid into the theater to see Paranormal Activity and the kid got so scared he threw up then dumped his popcorn and mozzarella sticks on the ground

By Dogless - 21/08/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 623

You deserved it 2 612