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This is OP here. Firstly, I live in Oxfordshire, England as of now but I used to live in Singapore, which is tropical, so geckos were everywhere, inside and out - especially as our house had a relatively wild and unkempt garden. They weren't any trouble at all and the only ways of keeping them out of the house were cruel, so yeah they were just all over the walls and floors. This is when the FML happened. Secondly, it's not outlandish to assume someone may have dropped a bit of food on the floor is it? Surely more likely than a ******* gecko head. And yes I agree the true FML is for the gecko...twas a tragic night :(

By litterbox_girl - 19/08/2009 01:13 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 821

You deserved it 71 186

By Anonymous - 20/07/2018 19:00 - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I refilled a water glass I'd left out on the counter and took a long drink. At the end, I felt something spongy and panicked. When I spit it all out into the sink, a huge centipede was staring back at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 727

By Anonymous - 27/07/2018 15:00 - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 086

You deserved it 532

By kaleighf - 28/04/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 131

You deserved it 1 189

By slamo - 06/08/2009 10:10 - Australia

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 050

You deserved it 3 345

By Anonymous - 16/08/2018 23:37

Today, I had a CT scan done after hitting my head, for fear of a concussion. Good news: no concussion. Bad news: the tumor they "accidentally" found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 843

You deserved it 238

By DocBastard - 17/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 434

You deserved it 6 549

DocBastard tells us more.

DocBastard 38

Monday 19 December 2011 22:53

Akai, the only people who say that are people who don't have kids. My 2 children are the most precious things in my world, and I've smiled more since my daughter was born than in all my previous years combined. I truly feel sorry for people who think like you.

Rock n roll circus

By Zero_TAlent_ - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 773

You deserved it 1 685

Facebook hell

By ameremanapparently - 26/03/2016 12:27 - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 2 029

Cough up

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 12:30 - United States

Today, my roommate used my PC without asking. Long story short, it's now infected with ransomware. The dissertation I've been working on for months is now encrypted, along with all the backups on my second hard drive. Now I have to pay the hackers $1,500 to get the decryption key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 506

You deserved it 2 133

By stop it ninja - 14/10/2012 07:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 591

You deserved it 4 958

By Aries_gurl - 23/10/2018 14:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 500

By BusinessTurtle - 06/10/2012 07:49 - United States - Ames

Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 772

You deserved it 2 466

BusinessTurtle tells us more.

BusinessTurtle 8

Saturday 6 October 2012 20:10

OP here, I've changed my locks and moved across town and I really don't want to hire a lawyer.

By Anonymous - 15/02/2016 17:04 - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 956

You deserved it 1 729

Bittie

By Anonymous - 18/09/2020 14:02 - Hungary - Sopron

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 219

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 388

Fear factor

By Anonymous - 13/01/2016 06:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, neither I nor any of my coworkers understand why our boss hates me enough that I feel the need to carry pepperspray on me at all times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 080

You deserved it 1 614

By Lara - 08/01/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 434

You deserved it 8 370

Backtrack

By Trollface - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while cuddling in bed, I tried to tell my girlfriend she was cute. It came out as, "I wish you were cuter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 640

You deserved it 4 076

Charmer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2016 14:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had to listen to my brother whine yet again about being single and how unfair it is. This is a guy who owns an "I fuck on the first date" t-shirt and has more than once referred to women as "vaginas with a person attached". Last time I called him out for being such a dick, I got punched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 189

You deserved it 1 946

By DriveNowhere - 31/12/2015 11:50 - Australia

Today, I drove my friends two hours to see a tourist attraction I had been talking up for months. It burnt to the ground last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 773

You deserved it 2 336

By Ammile - 25/12/2018 04:00

Today I had a customer come into my office smelling like feces, urine and body odor. I tried not to get sick to my stomach but failed miserably. I threw up in my trash can in front of him. It now smells like feces, urine, body odor and vomit in here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 948

You deserved it 208

By BadLuck - 21/12/2015 11:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 986

You deserved it 2 060

Innocent

By Boyufd - 19/01/2019 12:00

Today, I almost got arrested. The cops put me in handcuffs without searching me first and told me that I "matched" the description of a package thief. Turns out, I didn't even closely fit the description of the suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 641

You deserved it 145

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 4 019

By Anonymous - 14/03/2017 10:06

Today, I found out my roommate is literally crazy. I talked to his sister for an hour on the phone, she told me I should move out as soon as possible and to make sure I take everything I brought, because he's a thief and a liar. She was amazed I had stayed as long as I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 433

You deserved it 746

jasonrellet tells us more.

jasonrellet 22

Tuesday 14 March 2017 4:15

So I know he was wacko but what I didn't know was that he was confirmed Insane by a psychiatrist. She knew and told me a lot about him, when I told him I was moving out at the end of that month he threatened to kick me out and dump my stuff in the street, he also kept my entire deposit. I later found out that the money I payed him to rent the room was used to go to bars and buy his beer. After that month the electricity and gas and water would have been shut off.