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Computer is now password protected. It wasn't before cause I let him use my computer for school work, but obviously, he was using it for other purposes!

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 07:35 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 145

You deserved it 19 256

By Zanna - 23/03/2017 12:00

Today, a job candidate I was interviewing took a drink of water, and let it dribble down her chin and shirt while making fixed eye contact with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 436

You deserved it 288

By :-O - 14/04/2019 12:00

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 109

You deserved it 223

By nomade319 - 16/05/2013 02:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to confirm whether my country, Madagascar, really existed or not. Then, he took a picture of himself with me so he could show his kids that people actually live in their favorite cartoon’s country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 60

Bad aim

By goldengirl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 664

You deserved it 17 040

By Anonymous - 07/11/2015 05:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 1 848

By Yimothemage - 20/12/2016 11:26

Today, I was sleeping in my bed next to my dog. I must've bumped her in my slumber, because she went into full zombie mode and bit my face. I now have a large bruise and bite marks on my cheek. It's so swollen that I can barely see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 797

You deserved it 1 365

Yimothemage tells us more.

Yimothemage 1

Thursday 29 December 2016 18:51

Didn't have an account at the type of posting this, but uh hey OP here. My pupper is about 7 years old, and hasn't really done anything close to this before; sure she has growled if you get near her bone, but this was quite a surprise. After she bit me she was a bit grumpy the rest of the day, but seems to be fine now so I'm not sure what caused her to assault me while I slept. To anyone concerned about the bite it's pretty much healed up, can only see a scratch or two left behind on my cheek.

Special moment

By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 13:13 - United States - Crawfordville

Today, I was intently watching my odometer to see it change from 99,999 to 100,000 when I ran into the back of another vehicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 284

You deserved it 31 653

By PhoenixChick - 24/05/2017 10:33

Today, just like when I interviewed for the job, I know nothing about graphic design and I'm not interested in sales. I've just found out that my "project management" job I was hired for now has the job title "Graphic Sales." They changed it after I started 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 312

You deserved it 394

PhoenixChick tells us more.

PhoenixChick 26

Tuesday 23 May 2017 21:50

OP here- the hilarious thing about them changing the job is that the new "Graphic Sales" job involved being the customer service desk for any customer having problems with their graphics files. There are two full time graphic designers, but they decided the gal who was hired to "make sure production is kept on track" is the one who should answer every single question regarding graphics and deisgn for all current and potential customers. To make things more fun, today I found out that the former owner of the company (and the current owner's dad) has serious age-related memory problems and forgets that he isn't stll the boss. He will show up and start yelling at you and telling you what to do and demanding things. Employees are told to placate him, and try to distraxt him as quickly as possible. But don't do anything to hurt his feelings.