The Top

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Good friend

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 434

You deserved it 1 148

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/08/2018 03:30

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 292

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 18:38 - Ireland

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 967

You deserved it 6 469

By Sissyleemae - 16/09/2018 14:30

Today, I got fired from my job for stopping a shoplifter. Where's the logic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 344

By Nicole - 08/07/2009 00:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 871

You deserved it 5 460

By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 379

You deserved it 2 402

Merry Christmas, I guess…

By anon - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I didn't have a mother who cared about me. She's my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 136

You deserved it 2 586

By wet dreams - 12/02/2016 17:46 - United States - Cartersville

Spicy

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 005

You deserved it 4 583

The Talk

By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, at 16 years-old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with, "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 393

You deserved it 390

By lookwhereyasittin - 24/01/2016 17:47 - Netherlands - Den Haag

Today, it was the first day in my life that I fell into a toilet because someone left the toilet seat up. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 940

You deserved it 6 623

By AustinFFA - 22/01/2016 16:46 - United States - Agoura Hills

Today, my parents installed spyware on my computer after reading an article about teens ordering drugs from the deep web. Now I'm too afraid to watch porn because I don't want my parents to know when I'm jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 403

You deserved it 3 803

AustinFFA tells us more.

AustinFFA 11

Monday 25 January 2016 3:54

I'm allowed to watch it. I'm 16. It's just awkward that they know when I'm watching

Do you remember?

By Anonymous - 18/01/2016 22:30 - United States

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 456

You deserved it 1 808

Casual racism

By seeking new employment - 07/01/2016 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out why my coworkers never invite me anywhere. Apparently, I "made a face" when one of them used the N-word, and it makes them uncomfortable to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 874

You deserved it 2 131

By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bathroom, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 786

You deserved it 349

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 01:31 - United States - Westfield

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 303

You deserved it 2 911

By Amazon Ruined My Life - 28/12/2018 14:00

Today, my mother opened her birthday gift in front of my entire family. Two days ago, I ordered an essential oil diffuser and flesh light from Amazon. Guess which one she got? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 3 441

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 181

You deserved it 346

By Wtfbruhimmovingout - 28/11/2015 02:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 506

You deserved it 5 533

By ishred1111 - 06/11/2015 07:39 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boyfriend called. He said he would sing me a song, like I'd wanted for a long time. I was excited, but surprised at his song choice. He sang 'Locked Away' by R. City ft. Adam Levine. Turns out, he was calling me from jail. He thought this was romantic, and expected me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 658

You deserved it 2 567

ishred1111 tells us more.

ishred1111 14

Saturday 7 November 2015 4:36

Thanks for all the funny comments! They made me feel better when I'm not actually feeling that great, considering what my boyfriend turned out to be like.... Speaking of which, I totally agree with most of you. Yes, I hung up on him and no, I did not bail him out. I think his sister did in the end. His fate and what he actually did to get arrested are unknown to me, honestly I just knew we were done the second he finished the song and then said 'so, babe, can you bail me out?' Never thought he could be like this. Very disappointed in him. But still thoroughly impressed at his singing (he recited it perfectly). :) thanks guys!!

By Broken - 03/11/2015 18:13 - United States - Billerica

Today, I took my nephew to the roller rink and I broke not one arm but both. Now I can't even wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 588

You deserved it 1 791

Driving me mad

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 22:00

Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 569

You deserved it 586

Always check before

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 712

You deserved it 956

Dude!

By Alex - 29/05/2017 16:00

Today, my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 426

By Failed_Dad - 25/09/2015 05:42 - United States - Davis

Today, with the most certainty and confidence that I have ever seen in her, my 16-year-old daughter told me an egg is a fruit because of its "hard shell and growing seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 2 736

By KindaLooksLikeCocaine - 23/09/2015 23:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 753

You deserved it 1 756

Judgemental

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 546

You deserved it 7 849

By extrashiftwhoo - 04/11/2016 13:59 - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 906

You deserved it 3 533

By macguy - 20/10/2016 14:25 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I got mugged. For my Big Mac. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 216

You deserved it 1 012

Backfired

By gir - 14/07/2011 19:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 97 549

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 656

You deserved it 340

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The Top

The Top

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 4 690

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 690

You deserved it 6 388

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 010

You deserved it 861

Today, my new electric car lied to me about its range, and the nine fast-charging stations I visited either didn't exist, were blocked off, broken, or not fast. We spent three hours sitting in the car in the rain waiting for the car to slow charge so we could make it home, and my wife is furious with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 815

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 795

You deserved it 13 704

Today, at the beach, my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. I felt my bikini top come undone in the process. I panicked and pulled down on his shorts. We were fined for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 679

You deserved it 10 392