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Unusual method

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 952

You deserved it 5 171

Mean girls

By Imstuuuupid - 25/02/2022 00:01

Today, not even a month into the new semester, I have a hearing at the Dean’s office for academic dishonesty. My classmate and “friend” who I’ve been doing online quizzes with at home (considered cheating) decided to throw me under the bus, all because I wouldn’t let her borrow $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 1 102

Not now!

By Anonymous - 15/04/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked into the bedroom to find my wife naked, bent over the bed, swaying her cheeks back and forth at me, so what else was I to think? Instead of some good loving, all I got was a shouting and a lecture that just because she’s naked doesn’t mean she’s after sex. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 441

You deserved it 8 659

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Today, I was mistaken for an employee at my grandmother's funeral. There were only twelve of us there, all family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 82

The babysitter's handbook

By ACHOOOOOOO - 15/09/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I am babysitting my niece for the first time. After getting her to go to sleep, I felt a sudden urge to sneeze. My sneezes are loud as hell. Attempts to dampen the sound were unsuccessful. My colossal sneeze scared the bejesus out of her, waking her up again, and now she's afraid of me. What do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 187

Father, you mean father

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 188

You deserved it 109

Thanks for that, whoever you are

By Anonymous - 17/09/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that somewhere out there someone has written my phone number on a pub bathroom wall, because now every couple of days or weeks I get random calls from heavy breathing pervs, or from guys wanting to know if I’m available, and how much I charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 86

Are you sure you're OK?

By H…… - 20/11/2020 20:08

Today, my roommate and I were talking about how much better my dog has gotten at not peeing in the house, and how I was doing better at not losing my temper when he did. A few hours after this conversation, the dog pissed all over the floor and I screamed so loudly that now my throat hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 2 102

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 12:00 - Austria - Graz

Today, at my mum’s birthday dinner, my brother-in-law used a Latin phrase in the wrong way. Since we all have learned Latin, I taught him the correct way until everyone facepalmed in my direction. He made a rather nice wordplay and now I’m known as the educated idiot who is too stupid to understand a simple joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 1 102

Pay up, dude

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 02:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I found out I had gotten a parking ticket while I was travelling a few months back in California. I moved since, so I didn’t know I had it so it increased to 200$ and when I told the guy who was actually driving the car about it, he blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 144

OCD or just a dingus?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 06:00 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I came home from class to find a nasty note on my roommate's toaster oven. Apparently, cleaning it once a week isn't enough, and she wants it cleaned right after using it, which she never told me all school year. I'm banned from using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 341

Plot twist

By Anonymous - 20/09/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 77

Go trend elsewhere

By Anonymous - 23/04/2026 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried a trend I saw where you’re supposed to hug your sibling to see what they do. I didn’t film it, I was just genuinely curious. He flinched and hit me in the face with a book. One of my fillings fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, I bought a lanyard for my new car keys. "Epic Fail" was printed on it. Not two hours after getting it and putting my keys on it, I locked them in my car. I don't have a spare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 358

You deserved it 34 371

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 131

You deserved it 4 700

Everlasting prank

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 06:00

Today, after my wife put hair remover on my chest hair in the shape of a cock and balls I while back, the hair has fully grown back but it’s darker and thicker so you can still see the shape, unless I start keeping it clean shaven all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 266

Messy

By ZackAMole - 23/09/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was finally about to propose to my girlfriend at a fancy restaurant. Just as I got down on one knee, the fire alarm went off and the entire restaurant had to evacuate. She thought I was joking, and now she’s mad at me for "messing with her emotions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 75

Get me the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 25/04/2026 20:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out that I have to appear in juvenile court because I kept running away from home. I kept running away because my stepdad beats my mom and she won't do anything about it. They said I might have to go to detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 56

The only one who could ever reach me…

By MeOhMy23 - 25/11/2020 13:59 - United States - Tazewell

Today, I went to have a vaginal ultrasound. The nurse walked me back and I got undressed. She said the tech doing the procedure would be right in. It was my preacher's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 16:33 - United States

Today, my class was assigned lockers. Out of all the lockers in the entire school, mine is the only one to still have graffiti on it from last year. The tagger's choice of words? "Poop face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 313

You deserved it 3 055

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 210

Proportional response

By Anonymous - 30/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my pathetic wannabe influencer sister would not stop recording my kids, even though they and I told her not to. I finally snapped and smashed her phone and now she's threatening to press charges, and our parents are on her side. My kids are scared that they're going to be taken away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 114

Manchild

By Soontobeedivorced - 13/03/2022 22:00

Today, I confronted my husband about yet again going out “with the boys” and not coming home. I told him that as long as he has that ring on his finger, he’s gonna respect me, the kids, and our home. He responded by taking off his wedding band and throwing it to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 567

They all look the same to me

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 623

Thanks for the support

By BadMomma - 16/03/2022 02:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 359

You deserved it 149

Do not overreact

By Anonymous - 07/05/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my grandma passed away the morning of my wedding a couple of days ago and my (soon-to-be ex) husband and so-called family all conspired to keep it a secret from me so as not to upset me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 457

By blink_kid - 10/08/2012 12:57 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 715

You deserved it 3 242

By sweatstreaks - 16/09/2011 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that when I sweat I smell like bacon. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 132

You deserved it 11 529

Depth

By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 14:49 - United States

Today, I went to a movie with a girl I went to high school with. There was a preview for an upcoming 3D movie. I asked her if she had ever seen a 3D movie before. She told me she couldn't because she is blind in one eye. Apparently it's a "sensitive subject." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 577

You deserved it 4 893

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The Top

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 220

You deserved it 23 889

Today, according to my boyfriend, getting me to orgasm takes so long that about 90% of his mental energy is directed at him trying not to orgasm first, so he never really enjoys himself. When he fails to get me to orgasm, I apparently use the forbidden sex phrase “It's fine” which makes him feel worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 693

Random

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 582

You deserved it 6 107

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 498

You deserved it 3 352

Today, at work, I asked a lady how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she'd said, I just replied with, "Oh, that's good." What she'd said that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 33 447

Today, I was coaching at a swim meet. I heard a few of my swimmers screaming about a huge wasp on my head, so I told everyone to stay calm because we didn't want to upset the wasp. Unfortunately, I was interrupted by another coach from our team hitting me repeatedly on the head with a clipboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 454

You deserved it 3 095

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 11 192

Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 435