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Smart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 964

You deserved it 14 699

By Michigan - 05/02/2009 01:18 - United States

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 756

You deserved it 4 880

Busted

By Kameron - 20/03/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my mom found out that I’ve been faking my exam grades, turning my 30s to 80s and 40s to 90s on the paper exams. She got access to my online student portal and saw my real grades. I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 691

Focus!

By Anonymous - 22/03/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I cooked dinner, my girlfriend told me how much she missed me and how she wanted to spend more sexy time together. We climbed into bed and, right in the midst of getting frisky, her ADHD kicked in big time, so her mind went astray and then she just fell asleep. Perhaps some Adderall? FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 137

Friends like these

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 06:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I found out that my closest friend of many years had been putting on a charade of being my friend, and has decided that they can't be bothered with the effort of me existing any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 108

By baby shak - 14/01/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 770

You deserved it 6 294

By fuckedalready - 03/02/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, the cleaning lady left a note that said my room was too dirty to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 309

You deserved it 36 117

My brain hates me

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 02:01 - Australia - Jerrabomberra

Today, I had my third incapacitating headache this week. This has been happening for months. Pain killers and other remedies seem to work at random, if at all. Nobody has been able to tell me the cause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 76

Steady as she goes

By Slippin' - 18/11/2022 00:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I tried to walk on the sidewalk. Actually, it was so slippery that I had to shimmy across it. Then I shimmied too quickly and fell down. Now everything hurts. Maybe next time I should bring a sled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 148

Kitchen nightmare

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 14:00

Today, I made my boyfriend a vanilla cake for our anniversary. We sat down to eat it and one bite in, my boyfriend gets a weird look on his face. I take a bite and notice that it tastes like corn. I found out later my dad had replaced all the flour with cornmeal without telling anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 453

By arirx12 - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 228

You deserved it 3 668

Got something to read?

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 10:01 - Sweden

Today, I started the first day of my job as newspaper distributor, after a year of struggling to find a job. I got stuck in an elevator for two hours very early in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 73

Dating hell

By Anonymous - 02/04/2024 09:00 - India - Kolkata

Today, I have dated three people in high school and all of them cheated on me. The first one had feelings for, let's say, person A; the second one had feelings for person B; and the third girl had feelings for both person A and B. So, I ain't gonna be dating anyone any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 129

By toosmall - 31/01/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 2 614

Streaky

By Anonymous - 02/09/2021 02:00

Today, my 3 year-old saw the stretch marks on my stomach and proudly exclaimed, "Bacon!" After talking with my husband, he admitted that he agreed with our son's evaluation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 174

By Anonymous - 23/02/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 785

You deserved it 2 891

Get on with it

By Fred - 13/10/2025 09:00

Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 79

Thanks…

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 612

You deserved it 17 082

America! F*** yeah!

By scarredforlife - 08/08/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, it was my mom's birthday, I planned to wish her a happy birthday as she woke up. I opened the door to her room, only to see my dad dancing around in an American flag thong. Grimacing in pain, I closed the door right away. Not only am I forever disturbed, but now my dad is asking me how he looks naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 251

You deserved it 7 233

How did your Thanksgiving go?

By Anonymous - 25/11/2022 10:00

Today, I’m going to have two Thanksgivings. One at my parents' for the first half of the day, then the other at my house. I let my boyfriend know beforehand about it, as well as my sister. She then told my mom about my plan and next thing I know, I got a phone call from mom that turned into her yelling at me for not staying all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 163

Barbarians

By Anonymous - 08/04/2024 16:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, although I received a good grade for my science project, it was disqualified for the science fair that I'd hoped to enter. A beautiful scale model of our solar system was ruined by the Cro-Magnons in one of the other classes; I found pieces of it scattered all over the classroom. The teacher did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 93

By Court - 22/02/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 567

You deserved it 3 586

Raining cats and dogs

By Fling! - 29/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried to put my reclining chair back. My cat and dog were sitting on the very top. It went up in an unexpectedly forceful manner, sending them flying, causing my dog to fall, and my cat to cling for dear life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 365

By Oh really - 28/01/2009 00:17 - Australia

Today, my friend mentioned a book that reminded her of me. When I asked what it was called she said, "He's just not that into you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 852

You deserved it 2 343

Joker brain

By RIP Kevin - 28/11/2022 18:00

Today, my mom, who is a huge Batman fan, is still weepy and talking non-stop about Kevin Conroy, as she has been for the past two weeks. After three days it was starting to get excessive; now I think I'm going mad like the Joker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 141

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been three weeks since my parents went on holiday and not only have they not called me, they don’t answer when I call them… until today, when my mom finally called me, whilst I was having sex. She then sent me a text outlining how rude it was I ignored her call and grounded me. I’m 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 137

Nailed that social interaction

By Anonymous - 20/02/2010 02:21 - Australia

Today, I was in a public restroom when someone took the toilet next to mine. Moments later, a used tampon rolls into my cubicle followed by an "Oops!" A creeping hand then promptly reached under to retrieve it. Both her hand and the tampon touched my bare toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 682

You deserved it 4 256

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 217

You deserved it 24 771

Goodbye Rémy…

By Tough guy - 04/09/2021 23:00

Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 852

Sorry Dad

By Fail - 04/12/2022 04:00

Today, my dad's car door was frozen shut. As he was in a hurry, he asked me to force it open. When I did so, the door slammed into his back. hard. Now he can barely walk, even with a walker, but he needs to walk in order for it to improve, or else he may become wheelchair-bound for the rest of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 151

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The Top

Today, working as a massage therapist at a spa, I had a male client proposition me for “special services.” I declined and ended the session. He got angry and told the front desk that I offered him favors. Now I’m suspended while management investigates, when really it’s just his word against mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 84

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568 515

You deserved it 40 619

Random

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 510

You deserved it 4 256

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 204

You deserved it 12 456

Today, for our last kid-free dinner before the birth of our 4th child, we chose a Japanese hibachi restaurant. They sat us with a family with a toddler, who started screaming at the first flame trick, causing the chef to cease to do anything entertaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 807

You deserved it 4 603

Today, I'm 23 and have never had a weekend or holiday off of working in my life. My requests are always denied. I've been through three jobs since high school. I understand that some workers have to look after family or kids, but the 19 year-olds, who have way more time than I do, always get it their way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 147

Today, my cat keeps walking into my room and screaming at me to pay attention to him. When I try to do so, he moves away. Then he yells at me from a distance. I don't wanna play this game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 188

Today, I ran to hug my best friend at the airport after not seeing her for two years. I sprinted, arms wide, yelling her name. Turns out it wasn’t her. It was a stranger with the same haircut who looked absolutely horrified as I body-slammed them in baggage claim. My actual friend was behind me, trying to film the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 418