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Keys, how do they work?

By Anonymous - 19/10/2020 01:56

Today, I had to call a locksmith because I got locked out of my apartment. It cost a total of $350 to break in and repair the lock. Not even 3 hours later, I dropped my only key in the sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 840

Joe's at it again

By bourneenemy - 19/01/2022 20:01 - United States - Pico Rivera

Today, same as recently, there's some guy constantly standing in front of my building waiting for me to come out, just to stare at me and then get mad when I walk to my car, to the store, to the bank, and even followed me into the lobby to see what floor I get off at, like a weirdo. What should I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 157

By Can't Win - 09/09/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 115

You deserved it 6 573

By scribbler8 - 14/10/2011 09:35 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 472

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 00:59 - United States

Today, I asked out this girl I've been spending a lot of time with lately. She told me she was only hanging out with me because she thought I was gay and wouldn't try to get in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 524

You deserved it 4 917

CTE maxxing

By brokeskull - 20/03/2026 09:00

Today, we were heckling a friend who showed up to skate wearing a helmet, laughing at him for not being confident in his skating. I go to stunt so I can mog him, slip, and wake up in the hospital with stitches and a killer headache. Mogged by a helmet wearer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 085

What happened?

By Someonethrowmeabone - 24/08/2024 14:00 - United States - New York

Today, I'd finally found a decent job after months of unemployment, I'd even got my kids into after-school care for my job. They'd told me they could handle my autistic son. I got them back at the end of the day today and they said not to bring them back. What the hell do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 119

WHAT WAS THAT?

By Anonymous - 22/03/2026 12:00

Today, I have a broken leg, four broken fingers, a cracked rib, a concussion, and an infection fever, and my wife still sent me downstairs with a bat to check for burglars when she heard a noise at 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 74

By Anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 441

You deserved it 46 357

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 119

Bailed out

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 18:00

Today, I’ve been texting a guy from my old college and we finally arranged a date. I told him it would have to fit my daughter's schedule and his interest in me vanished. Apparently I never mentioned having a kid and have wasted his time. I literally have text messages to him all about her. Prick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 305

Outcast

By Coolkid. - 14/06/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 714

You deserved it 3 926

I remember this feeling

By AdultBaby? - 04/02/2022 08:01

Today, just like the past 10 days, I have COVID. Today was also the day my body decided to betray me. I threw up and simultaneously shit myself for the first time since I was in diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 124

Alarming

By Billie - 26/03/2026 22:00

Today, I went to the grocery store, loaded up on food, then went to open my car door. When I opened it, the car alarm went off. As I reached for my keys to shut it off, I was tackled to the pavement. Apparently someone else owns a car identical to mine, and he has a violent temper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 85

Dog Struggles

By FML Videos - 28/11/2018 18:30

Who could stay mad at that face?

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 79

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I heard my fiancé tell his friend that he's working on Sunday. Which is my birthday. The birthday I don't even get a party for because of Covid. My only plan was to be with him and my BFF. He says he didn't think to take the day off, and now there's "probably not enough time to get coverage." He's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 260

Dumbass

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, my son tried my great-grandad's 90 year-old whiskey, didn’t like it, and poured it all down the sink. When I confronted him, he confidently told me it was nasty and must have expired, so he did me a favour and poured it away and washed the bottle. I had to walk away and remind myself I love him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 128

Bad omen

By coveholli - 15/11/2014 14:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only did his phone go flat before I found him, but we were at totally different bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 267

You deserved it 3 200

By riddick0846 - 12/12/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 836

You deserved it 13 199

Bullshit reason #874

By Anonymous - 04/11/2020 01:57 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 167

Tasty

By Anonymous - 10/02/2022 02:01 - United States - Williamsport

Today, I emptied the morning coffee grounds from the coffee maker so I could set it up for tomorrow morning. When I threw out the filter, something in the grounds caught my eye. It was a dead spider. It had brewed with my coffee that morning. I also happen to be severely arachnophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 176

Kinda expected

By Anonymous - 08/04/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I've been getting nothing but hate and backlash for letting my son, who had severe COVID, attend his father's funeral. It was the only chance for him to say goodbye, but nobody cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 632

Broke

By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 166

Germs galore

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 10:00

Today, after spending weeks dealing with my 4 year-old's chronic and acute otitis, it's my 20 month-old daughter who has now got it. Its like that every damn year. Oh, and I just got bilateral otitis myself now and need antibiotics. I almost regret having children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 239

I am a man

By FREEDOM - 09/09/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I left my wife of 25 years. For every one of those years, I was treated like a stupid child or a worthless burden. When I finally got fed up, everyone said I was the bad guy. I just want to be treated like a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 174

Keep your eyes on the road

By Just drive - 09/04/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, as an Uber driver, I try to make small talk with passengers by guessing where they were from based on their accent. I got it completely wrong. This one said, “I grew up two streets from here.” The rest of the ride was silent except for my GPS telling me where to go, which felt appropriate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 494

Deluxe Memory Man

By St Steven - 15/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping but once at the store I realized that I'd forgotten my shopping list at home. I ended up buying a bunch of random items using basic guesswork and forgetting what I had originally gone to the store for. I now have two avocados, even though I hate avocados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 1 277

By .... - 08/06/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several times, and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 874

You deserved it 3 282

You learn something new every day

By Ben - 12/11/2020 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with a boner and found out that I have retrograde ejaculation. I'm stuck in jail and can't get medication to fix this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 817

By Muffinhater - 24/12/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 370

You deserved it 2 440

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The Top

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last two miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 982

You deserved it 5 712

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 1 992

Random

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 666

You deserved it 7 675

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 898

You deserved it 3 139

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 986

You deserved it 2 536

Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 685

You deserved it 3 523

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 813

You deserved it 612

Today, I fixed a tech support problem I was emailed about. I fixed it, then replied back to let them know, and let them know to use the ticketing system next time. They logged the same problem I just fixed not 5 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 159