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By x_udontknowme_x - 05/01/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 372

You deserved it 4 391

Escape game

By Anonymous - 05/12/2021 11:01

Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 136

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 001

You deserved it 3 806

By Anonymous - 18/12/2014 15:34 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, I went out to a bar with some of my friends. They're all in committed relationships, but every single one of them got hit on. I'm single, and yet again, nobody even said hi to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 455

You deserved it 3 725

Classic story

By Anonymous - 01/10/2020 05:01

Today, I found out my boyfriend of six years, with whom I wanted to spend my life with, has been cheating behind my back with my friend. The kicker? They met after I invited her to live with us to get away from her chaotic family, and I suspected she was emotionally stunted at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 221

By camille - 29/10/2011 13:40 - United States

Today, my dad yelled for me. It was an emergency. I ran down the stairs, tripped, fell, and limped over to my dad only to find that he wanted me to see a video of someone playing "Bohemian Rhapsody" on the ukulele. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 399

You deserved it 3 200

User manual

By Drewzter - 11/01/2010 03:33 - United States

Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 977

You deserved it 26 533

By f03_f0r_l1f3 - 26/06/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 184

You deserved it 65 769

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 05:05 - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 221

You deserved it 2 856

By blabla - 28/10/2011 13:30 - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 329

You deserved it 13 011

Thanks for the support

By Pupdog1996 - 07/01/2022 02:01 - United States - Meridian

Today, after I left a very abusive relationship a year ago, I decided I wanted to start dating again, since I'm in a much better place, and I really worked hard through therapy. I told my parents, who then told me that I'm too lazy and needy for a relationship. Progress doesn't matter I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 191

By not laughing anymore - 11/12/2014 19:55 - Netherlands - Egelshoek

Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 801

You deserved it 6 478

TMI!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 148

You deserved it 2 171

By bjfail - 09/01/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 576

You deserved it 4 913

Nature, nurture…?

By Anonymous - 02/08/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it seems that despite being twins, my brother and I are very different people. Last week I got written up at work for taking too long a lunch break. This afternoon he got written up for having sex at work, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 132

By anonymous - 28/12/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 124

You deserved it 4 061

Nooooooo… !

By Nicole Jones - 01/10/2020 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a hard week, I decided to order a pizza with an expensive milkshake. It slipped out of my hand in front of the lift. It went everywhere. I had nothing on me to clean it up with. Now I’m milkshakeless, down £5, and accidentally responsible for littering my accommodation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 174

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 02:00

Today, I got up early because I had a bunch of work to do. It's now 11:50 p.m and I still haven't managed to get anything done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 620

By Anonomous - 08/12/2014 17:58 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 938

You deserved it 3 903

The Secret

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 20:00

Today, I have a girlfriend. Our moms are best friends. Our dads are best friends. Our younger siblings are best friends. Our grandparents have known each other for 70 years. I hate my girlfriend. I have hundreds of texts proving she’s a cheating whore, but I feel trapped by our families' happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 233

By unaware - 19/09/2012 04:14 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 027

You deserved it 35 308

By mrs.nerd - 23/10/2011 12:38 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 085

You deserved it 4 538

By caphis - 03/05/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 021

You deserved it 13 166

LET ME OUT!

By Anonymous - 16/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with a group of people who smelled like they bathed in garlic. It was so bad that I'm pretty sure Dracula would have tried to claw his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 108

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 15:32 - United States - Acton

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 815

You deserved it 59 638

Stealing the scene

By Silverfeathery - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 153

You deserved it 3 864

By -___- - 14/09/2012 23:06 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 699

You deserved it 3 363

By hairybetty - 05/01/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 198

You deserved it 8 522

By Bob - 20/06/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, while teaching at a daycare, a child came up to me and asked if he could go to the bathroom. Obviously, I said it was fine. He then pulled his pants down, and pee on my brand new shoes, and all over my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 095

You deserved it 4 742

By Michael - 04/01/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 122

You deserved it 2 925

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The Top

Today, working as a massage therapist at a spa, I had a male client proposition me for “special services.” I declined and ended the session. He got angry and told the front desk that I offered him favors. Now I’m suspended while management investigates, when really it’s just his word against mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 84

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 251

You deserved it 11 929

Random

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 422

You deserved it 3 666

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 274

You deserved it 8 534

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 381

You deserved it 486

Today, I fell backwards out of my hammock, busting my shoulder. This weekend, I broke my toe falling out of it. I've used hammocks my entire life, but have become apparently unable to during the lockdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 291

Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 166

Today, I was outside carving pumpkins with my kids in the grass in my apartments. This rabid Karen starting screaming about the mess we were making. First of all, we were putting the pulp in a bag; second, she lets her dog bark all night and never cleans up it’s shit whenever it goes on our property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 104