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Blender time!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 17:04

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 192

Commodity consumption

By Anonymous - 17/01/2023 18:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend helped me move some things into storage, all while complaining about the amount of stuff I own. He's the one who keeps buying me things I don't need or want, even though I tell him every year I wouldn’t mind getting no gifts at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 185

Tilt

By Imwithstupid - 03/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, it's the third time this year I was recommended to meet someone because we're "so smart, we'll get along." At dinner, this person complimented how I'd do great in their graduate course on data science. I helped develop the degree program. I can't believe I missed pinball for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 265

By bitch - 07/10/2013 07:37 - Australia

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 537

You deserved it 56 654

Kinda offensive

By anon - 31/10/2012 04:22 - United States - Medford

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 3 214

By djkimmaz - 03/12/2011 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 3 385

By Guuu - 14/12/2008 11:31 - France

Today, I aimed at the little blue thing placed at the bottom of the urinal. I learned the hard way that it splashes off it and makes little blue stains on jumpers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 353

You deserved it 22 461

The one with the wedding

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 122

By sleeping on the floor - 27/01/2015 01:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 4 443

By roo - 27/01/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 13 435

Check out Hank Pecker's Chadvice

By electronjames - 10/06/2024 00:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, it's now exactly one year until I turn 30 and I’ve never been with a woman before. I know that it’s over for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 262

And probably giggling

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 05:02

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 19:43 - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 667

You deserved it 2 551

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 309

You deserved it 3 432

By Noname - 25/11/2008 18:05 - Canada

Today, I was going to confess to my best friend that I am madly in love with her. I called her up only to find her crying. She was upset that she might be pregnant with some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 2 933

Dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 09:00

Today, unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend got a tattoo of the Joker on his neck. The worst part? It's Jared Leto's godawful Joker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 13:09 - United States

Today, after 6 months of training and going to the gym every day, I realized that the only thing I've lost is $300 worth of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 613

You deserved it 5 095

By smellyhouse - 27/11/2011 10:19 - Canada

Today, my brother decided deodorant causes cancer. He goes to the gym every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 971

You deserved it 2 519

Meme life

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 22:00

Today, I tripped on an actual banana peel and fell over in front of my crush. I'm pretty sure that's the closest I'll ever come to being a meme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 148

By -__-" - 29/09/2013 05:45 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a stranger pulled me out of the path of a speeding taxicab. He then took one look at my face, said, "I should've left you there", and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 587

You deserved it 4 554

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 875

You deserved it 400

Crowbar time

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 02:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm moving to almost 1,000 miles to a new state. I packed everything up in the U-Haul and it is en route to the new place. I just realized that it shows up tomorrow and I have no idea where the keys are to unlock the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 811

By Hopeless - 12/07/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and he was very upset, crying that he had been betrayed. He then began to explain that his friend had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I asked why he was so upset, and he said he still loved her, and really thought they were going to be able to work things out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 620

You deserved it 3 613

Living a lie

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 14:01

Today, I get a scornful look when I try to talk to my husband, let alone try to cheer him up, because he is "severely depressed." Well, unless a friend or neighbor knocks on the door, then he’s the life of the party. Right until they leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 307

Ball and chain

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 12:00

Today, my husband got mad at me because I asked if we could have 2 hours out of a 16-day trip to go to the beach, just us and our kids. Why is he mad at me for this? Because his mother will be upset if we go do something by ourselves without her. Her husband and the rest of her family will all be on this 16-day trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 15:12 - United States

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 358

You deserved it 5 358

By iamsolid - 20/10/2012 15:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer. My mother then confided in me that she suspected it was a prank to get more money from our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 969

You deserved it 1 758

By Kat - 08/11/2008 07:51 - France

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 445

You deserved it 5 234

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 237

By nerd_man01 - 10/07/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 480

You deserved it 13 803

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The Top

Today, I facebooked my friends about my upcoming birthday party, and told them to keep the date free. I got several responses telling me that's not possible, because that's the day the new Harry Potter movie comes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 173

You deserved it 30 584

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 000

You deserved it 4 506

Random

Today, my boyfriend said he was going to give me breakfast in bed before he left. He walked over, threw some granola bars on the bed next to me and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 352

You deserved it 4 162

Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 033

You deserved it 7 336

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 431

You deserved it 1 825

Today, I tried being the 'cool parent' by taking my kids to a fancy, expensive amusement park, but ended up getting stuck on every ride and getting motion sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 347

Today, two years after my toxic and self-centered ex-wife left me, I got remarried, but I feel like it broke my trust in people, which I used to. I now feel I don’t do enough for my present; I do better than most and have got more than average people, but I'm still too hurt and depressed to be normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 219

Today, on my first day driving a hearse, I took a wrong turn and of course every car behind followed me. Out of pure habit I had turned right into the main street as though I was driving home, when I should've turned left. At least my wife got to see me from the window as I drove past the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 361