The Top

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By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 307

You deserved it 11 894

Infantilized

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 10:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised I get called “buddy” and “champ” at work more than I get called my actual name, I’m 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 105

Live from the lounge

By Jake - 10/02/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I was supposed fly from NOLA to Philly. Being a good roommate, I decided to get a noon-time flight so my roommates wouldn't need to get up early. Then I found out that they were also taking separate vacations, and leaving at 5am. Now I'm stuck in the airport till noon and I arrive in Philly at 7pm. I'm also broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 759

Mind your own business

By MyCarHasBluetooth - 19/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, while I was driving, a pedestrian gesticulated wildly at me for being on my phone. I was just tucking my hair behind my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 79

By notnow - 27/09/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, minutes before I walked down the aisle at my wedding, my drunk mother stumbled up to me and told me she was depressed and wanted to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 379

You deserved it 2 623

By Anonymous - 11/07/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 047

You deserved it 31 908

Can't win

By Nick - 01/11/2021 22:59 - New Zealand

Today, I learned that in a battle to not be dehydrated, I achieved something called overhydration. The symptoms of which are similar to being dehydrated. After emptying my body of what has felt like every fluid I’ve ingested ever, I'm now back at square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 297

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 064

You deserved it 3 912

Self improvement

By little tooth - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 335

You deserved it 9 449

Technique

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 23:02

Spicy

Today, I figured out the best way to endure my wife's lack of sex drive: whenever she complains, I lose the urge myself. Works like a charm, because she complains all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 276

Kinda sus, huh?

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 20:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, my wife of 8 years bumped into my ex-girlfriend from 10 years ago. Despite having never met one another and no overlap in our dating, they both knew each other, but both acted like they didn’t. My ex proceeded to have an anxiety attack, and my wife played aggressive mind games with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 18/10/2012 05:33 - United States

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 886

You deserved it 5 502

Invest in ear plugs

By Dana O'Neil - 24/08/2020 23:03 - Canada - Westerose

Today, and every night all summer, I can hear the kids outside playing when I go to bed. They’re so loud, it makes it hard to sleep. The kids have a later bedtime than I do, and I’m 33. I'm feeling like a broken down old lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 277

By Pissed - 15/10/2012 19:57 - United States - Newton Center

Today, at a family reunion, we all squeezed in for a picture. I set the self-timer and ran to get in it. 2 seconds before the picture went off, some guy came up, stole the camera, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 454

You deserved it 2 534

By me - 16/01/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, one of my boyfriend's friends ranted on about how I am such a crappy girlfriend and how all of his friends don't like me. I just spent over $200 on a surprise party that I invited them all to last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 533

You deserved it 3 493

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 359

You deserved it 3 094

Like it or lump it

By jupiter - 13/11/2021 14:00

Today, I live in the basement and as far as I can tell, my parents spend every day rearranging the furniture upstairs and slamming every door in the house, all day long. If I complain or even mention the noise, they threaten to kick me out onto the streets. I’m not even old enough to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 149

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 557

You deserved it 41 126

By Izamellayella - 15/11/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, my date threw a fit, burst into tears, and made a huge scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant, all because I offered to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 959

You deserved it 3 129

Izamellayella tells us more.

Izamellayella 5

Saturday 21 January 2012 1:10

I just now realized that this was posted, and, yes, I do realize that it was more than two months ago. He was actually my friend's old roommate, and she introduced us around a year ago. We didn't really interact that much but I thought that he was nice, so when he asked me out, I decided that I'd at least give him a chance. For the record, it wasn't some elaborate ultra-expensive fancy restaurant, but the meal certainly wasn't cheap. I've been in the habit of offering to pay for my meals for a while now, and I certainly wasn't expecting that kind of reaction for him. And no, I don't think that the guy paying for the date is sexist. I don't see why the girl can't pay sometimes, though, and I was just trying to be nice. If he'd wanted to pay, he could have told me instead of freaking out like that. He never called me back after that, but even if he did, I wouldn't have gone on another date with him. I enjoyed reading your comments! Most of you guys are really funny.

By hatesmellyfeet - 20/01/2010 13:47 - United States

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 681

You deserved it 5 086

Dazed and confused

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, our dog is old and deaf, and has figured out she just needs to bark if she needs to be let inside. Unfortunately, she's also a bit senile, so sometimes she just barks for no reason, while lying still and quite comfortably on her dog bed, staring at nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 137

John Wick

By Jessica - 15/02/2023 10:00

Today, my boyfriend invited a quiet guy in a suit to "step outside", all because he thought, wrongly, that he was trying to chat me up. Quiet guy declines, and my boyfriend called him chickenshit. Quiet guy and boyfriend step outside; boyfriend spends the next 5 minutes getting beaten up. I had to take him to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 380

Hit that like button and click the bell!

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss told me he'd found my YouTube channel and was very disappointed that in my videos I’m always happy, yet when I’m at work I’m not, so he’d appreciate it if I could seem happier while at work. I work in a soulless office with grey walls, but sure, I’ll work on seeming happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 138

Own it

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00

Today, I was entertaining my niece at the family lunch by painting my lip with calamari ink. My father told me I looked like Ursula, from The Little Mermaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 382

Is this another Tictac thing?

By Anonymous - 25/01/2026 00:00

Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 89

By pictureperfect678 - 19/01/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, I was in one of two hot tubs with my dad at a vacation resort, when 3 good looking guys walked into the pool area. My dad moved to the other hot tub so the guys could hang out in the one I was in. They came outside, passed my hot tub, and went into the one my dad just moved into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 138

You deserved it 4 701

Oh what a night…

By Charlotte - 16/02/2023 10:00

Today, I went to a Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert with my best friend. We've been looking forward to this for over six months. She spent the entire pre-drinks, pre-party, and concert glued to her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 126

Policy of truth

By Lelsy - 08/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family. His mother gave me expensive diamond earrings and treated us to brunch. I don’t know how I’m gonna have the heart to tell him that I’ve accidentally gotten pregnant from someone else I’ve been seeing. I can’t tell him it’s his because we haven’t slept together yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2 062

By Nissan_David - 18/01/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 475

You deserved it 2 819

No kink-shaming

By Cybertronianchic - 05/09/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

Spicy

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 638

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 121

You deserved it 20 665

Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 220

You deserved it 23 889

Random

Today, I walked face first into a near-invisible spiderweb. There's nothing worse than the feeling of a spider web wrapped around your face. Except maybe the feeling of the spider that saw my screaming mouth as a good hiding spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 040

You deserved it 2 199

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 761

You deserved it 3 427

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 493

You deserved it 3 841

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 420

You deserved it 3 175

Today, my flatmate took his hour plus long shower while we both tried to get ready for work. I had a choice to wet myself or pee in a cooking pot. I chose the pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 158

You deserved it 662

Today, after having severe acne for 7 years and trying every affordable option available to fix it, decided that I would splurge on a $230 face cleanser. I got home and tried it immediately. The results? I had an allergic reaction to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 016

You deserved it 343