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Thank God for that

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 02:01

Today, after helping my grandma to clear out and renovate her house, she tells me that the only reason she doesn’t hate me is because God will hate her if she does. All because I threw out a pack of biscuits with an expiry date of Nov 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 88

By iJuli - 08/04/2012 05:17 - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 472

You deserved it 2 692

By Marian - 23/03/2009 19:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 774

You deserved it 9 073

I hardly know you

By Disgustedafffd - 02/11/2023 20:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband’s obsession with Hentai. Dozens of pictures and videos of half-naked Japanese anime girls. The most horrifying thing was the fact that he’s actually in a sexual relationship with his secretary, who is a petite Asian girl. I’ve just given birth to our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 206

Ominous

By IloveMaroon5 - 07/06/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss unfriends you on Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 910

You deserved it 4 423

By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 313

You deserved it 2 126

By K123 - 06/06/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 026

You deserved it 5 445

By vreenya - 08/04/2014 20:13 - Chile - Santiago

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 656

You deserved it 4 067

By Burned - 05/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 7 110

By Julia - 02/08/2010 09:50 - New Zealand

Today, I applied for a job and sent my CV, then realised I sent the example CV I got off the internet. Now they think Bob Brown who lives at 123 Sunshine Street is applying for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 765

You deserved it 38 313

By asshole - 02/10/2009 05:34 - United States

Today, I sat to the right of a girl I really like. I passed her a note asking her to homecoming. She read it, then hurriedly passed it to a hideous girl sitting on her left, who said yes, then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 209

You deserved it 12 472

The cat's out of the bag

By OldUglyWife - 18/07/2022 12:00

Today, I found out why my husband hasn’t invited me to his company’s summer social. Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want me to know of the fling between him and his attractive young coworker. Her age is the same number of years we’ve been married, 19 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 142

By transfer - 03/06/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 779

You deserved it 4 774

Looking good

By XxHinkaixX - 01/08/2010 02:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking through an old photo album of mine. I turned to a page with a picture of me on my last day of college. I thought the picture was quite nice. He turned to me and said, "Don't worry, I take bad pictures too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 531

You deserved it 3 494

Stereotypes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc., and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personalities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 048

You deserved it 10 391

Gotcha good

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 180

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 144

You deserved it 5 959

By rosesareyellow - 30/07/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 067

You deserved it 33 512

A very compassionate defence…

By Jennifer - 19/05/2021 22:01

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 428

By ven980 - 01/06/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 858

You deserved it 29 549

By skizpow7 - 28/07/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, my live-in girlfriend and I broke up. She told me she can't leave because she has nowhere to go. I'm stuck with her until she finds a job and an apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 993

You deserved it 10 716

skizpow7 tells us more.

skizpow7 0

Thursday 29 July 2010 4:30

It is my apartment, and we broke up mutually. she moved here from 50 miles away to live here and we'd been together two years. we just recently figured out that our relationship was great... right up until she moved in. we simply can't live together. and I'm not gonna kick her out, totally rude. she gave up her life in her town to come live here, I don't expect her to be able to up and leave. she's only been here a month and doesn't know anyone close and her parents live 4 states away. it'll just be super awkward. FML

Save Me

By bad doc - 01/10/2019 04:00

Today, I had to repeat myself multiple times and dumb down all my anatomical terms and symptoms while describing my illness to my doctor. I want to switch, but my insurance won’t cover another one for at least 60 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 167

Wait til he finds out about the Wonderbra

By Fattie - 14/11/2023 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. I wear shapewear shorts to keep my FUPA and thighs under control, so when I removed those, he recoiled and said, “Fuck that shit, what happened to your body?” He promptly dumped me for “catfishing” him and told me to leave his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 689

Duh…

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 02:53 - Canada

Today, was my wedding day and I had been preparing my speech for my husband for about 3 months. At the wedding, I poured my heart out to him. Did he do the same? My husband forgot about it and right before the wedding, took his from his first marriage and changed the name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 101

You deserved it 4 195

By Anonymous - 30/05/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 007

You deserved it 3 689

By CAchickadee - 29/05/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, I was singing while unloading my dishwasher. I heard a knock on the door and went to answer it only to find the police telling me they received noise complaints from my neighbors. I live next-door to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 346

You deserved it 6 247

Are you OK?

By dxplq876 - 17/03/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store when out of nowhere, a car backing up pretty fast sped down the parking lot and hit me, causing me to fall down and drop all of my groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 980

You deserved it 4 681

By sales ham - 06/03/2013 05:44 - United States

Today, I was reciting lines for a play that I'm in. It was going great, until I realized that I was actually reciting my scripted sales pitch from my telemarketing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 297

You deserved it 7 964

Shitshow

By Syrinth - 21/07/2010 16:09 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 572

You deserved it 31 551

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 309

You deserved it 3 926

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The Top

The Top

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 532

You deserved it 1 135

Today, I eavesdropped as my friend tried hinting to my crush that I like him. He replied, "Haha, eww. She looks like a fuckin' garden gnome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 571

You deserved it 1 749

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying, "That's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 2 445

Today, my boyfriend bought me a beautiful pair of very expensive diamond earrings, along with a card that read, "To my beautiful brown eyed Princess." My ears aren't pierced, and my eyes are green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 215

You deserved it 4 109

Today, I was packing up to move when I decided to take a break. I went to get some water from the sink when a bug fell into my cup. Needless to say, I'm glad I'm moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 100

Today, I found out yet another friend is engaged, and a few more are having babies. I'm still young and have time, and I have a wonderful kiddo and boyfriend, but I also feel left out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 673