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Kinda sussy

By thanks babe - 26/05/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my husband returned from a 6-week business trip. During that time, I put myself on a very strict diet/exercise regimen so I could surprise him with a hefty weight loss. He took one look at me and demanded to know who I was fucking on the side. Yeah, because that’s the only reason I lost weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 244

You deserved it 247

By really?? - 02/06/2014 07:33 - United States - Dinuba

Today, my boyfriend's mother hung a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend up. We've been together for 3 years now. Guess she really does hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 825

You deserved it 4 137

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2010 10:17 - United States

Today, my new wife and I got back from our honeymoon. Her parents had dropped our wedding gifts off at our apartment, but didn't lock the door. We came home to start off our new life together to a wrecked apartment and no gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 438

You deserved it 3 028

By Fluffyman - 10/08/2019 04:00

Today, I realized that I haven’t lost weight. All my clothes have just stretched to fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 321

By LonnyLonnikins - 09/04/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I went to pick up my sister's wedding cake. It was a nice day, the shop was close, and the cake wasn't too big so I walked. On my way back, I stepped aside for a kid on a bike, tripped over my shoelaces, and dumped my sister's expensive, custom-designed cake. The wedding is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 40 109

By angelamegan21 - 28/05/2014 20:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 602

You deserved it 6 117

By fthislyfe - 02/07/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 398

You deserved it 7 968

By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 424

You deserved it 3 471

By Kutakito - 15/04/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year-old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 433

You deserved it 12 300

By Anonymous - 03/05/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 130

You deserved it 6 061

Snap!

By Anonymous - 25/09/2023 17:30 - Australia

Today, I took a nap in my hammock in the backyard. Just as I was dozing off, I heard a loud snap, and the next thing I knew, I was lying on the ground surrounded by broken ropes and a hammock that'd turned into a cocoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 115

Nice try

By groundedasfuck - 24/05/2014 20:24 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 112

You deserved it 55 230

By muddled - 02/05/2012 06:16 - United States - Joliet

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 925

You deserved it 5 146

Boozehounds

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 920

You deserved it 35 350

By Rollymouth - 02/09/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 851

You deserved it 8 446

By Curles - 17/08/2019 04:00 - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 172

Love in the time of Covid

By moving out now - 27/09/2023 14:00

Today, my germophobic girlfriend has tested positive for Covid, and is utterly convinced she's going to die. She's been crying in the bed for the last five hours, talking about how much she regrets her choices, and how she never should have spent her last year with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 22/05/2014 21:27 - United States - Saugus

Today, my boyfriend found a movie he loved on Netflix. He was so excited to show it to me and was certain I'd love it. I didn't have the heart to tell him what I really thought of White Chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 746

You deserved it 10 351

DAD! NO!

By Fresca11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend. We'd just got our food when my dad walks in, comes up to our table and says, "I didn't say you could leave, you're too young to be dating him", then drags me out of the restaurant. We are both 15, and it was my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 883

You deserved it 14 219

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 697

You deserved it 8 856

Rotation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 749

You deserved it 17 623

By Anonymous - 29/04/2012 09:45 - Canada - Thompson

Today, at a concert, I got into a fight with a man in a banana suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 348

You deserved it 22 292

By ashhatches - 27/06/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, while at Costco, I was eating a hotdog when I saw a really hot guy walking over. Trying to be sexy, I bit my hotdog cutely and winked. I ended up choking and dropping the ketchup covered hotdog all over my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 431

You deserved it 62 598

By shelbs61 - 30/08/2010 19:55 - United States

Today, I finally decided to do regular biology rather than honors biology, thinking honors would be too hard. My first day in regular biology, my lab partner asked me whether a rock was alive or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 453

You deserved it 12 285

shelbs61 tells us more.

shelbs61 0

Tuesday 31 August 2010 22:22

K, so this is Shelby, the person who wrote the FML. To whoever it may concern: When this guy asked me whether the rock was alive, I thought he was being sarcastic so I replied, "YES!! Haha." Then he wrote something down in his notebook and I asked if he was kidding. He looked up and said, "Just tell me the answer, I wanna finish my homework." Then he asked me if pasta was alive.

By Anonymous - 17/05/2014 19:33 - United States - Fresno

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 628

You deserved it 5 786

By averagepromedio - 28/08/2010 08:41 - United States

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. After I left his house, I realized that my cell phone had fallen out of my pocket and onto his couch, where I had forgotten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 097

You deserved it 18 219

averagepromedio tells us more.

averagepromedio 0

Sunday 29 August 2010 11:18

Okay people, I guess I forgot to add at the end, "The wait at his front door while he got it for me was extremely awkward." Sheesh. And yes, I am very thankful that a couple of 18 year olds can actually be mature enough to handle a breakup well. I did it in person, and when I forgot my phone, he didn't mess with it, and I went back myself to get it. I found the situation more humorous than anything, so this post wasn't really like whining, just kind of like "Hmm, of all times something like this could happen, it just so happened to be the time I broke up with him. That sort of sucks, but it's a good story."

By SheWentCrayola - 17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 000

You deserved it 7 597

Getting on

By Kelly - 05/07/2022 22:00

Today, I learned the hard way that age is not just a number when I completely threw out my back while sitting on the ground, gently tossing a ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 118

Agent of chaos

By Anonymous - 08/10/2023 05:00

Today, I left my car window slightly open while I went shopping. When I returned, I discovered that what I assume to be a mischievous squirrel had got into my car and chewed through the wires in my dashboard, causing extensive damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 235

By ifmlftw - 22/06/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to a lady on an airplane who was very overweight. She fell asleep on me, and violently bled from her nose upon take off and landing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 136

You deserved it 3 066

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was trying to fix a stapler, but it turns out it wasn't broken at all. It wouldn't staple a small stack of papers but had no trouble stapling through my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 442

You deserved it 3 938

Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 915

You deserved it 8 007

Today, I showed my dad photos from my first fun night out in ages. His response? "You look at least 6 months pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 193

You deserved it 468

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 1 312

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 94

Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 128